jauvana

Going Out of Business

2009-04-21T13:55:00.020-05:00

A few days ago i read that there are now more online bloggers in America making money at it than there are firefighters. That's difficult to believe, but it shows how pervasive and popular blogging has become.

I haven't made one cent here, but that was never my purpose. I started writing this blog two years ago. I had just returned to the West after seven years of traveling and living in India. My intention was to express my impressions on being back in the West. That gradually evolved into an airing of my grievances with Iskcon, sharing my opinions and realizations on being a "devotee," and giving voice to my feelings about my state of consciousness.

Now, around 200 posts later, and several stops and restarts, i am finally closing up shop. I revealed my thoughts and my heart here. I don't wish to be repetitious and I think i've said enough. I have no agenda to push other than to encourage honesty and self expression and to expose duplicity and corruption. I am not an expert or authority on anything but i guess the summary of my advice is this: never sell yourself short. You are eternally an individual. Don't let the world make you conform. Respect your deeper self and be mindful of your relationship with God.

I will keep this blog online so that anyone who wishes to can go thru the archives. The topics are not time-sensitive. Most of them deal with issues that will remain challenges for anyone interested in spiritual life. I have tried to convey my real life experiences as they relate to the great transcendental subject matter of Krishna consciousness.

Recently i reread Siddhartha, the 1922 novel by the Nobel prize winning author, Herman Hesse. I had read this book as a teenager in school and remember being fascinated by the twists and turns of a spiritual seeker. It was an exciting fairy tale to me then. Reading it again, after 40 years of treading myself on the spiritual path, Siddhartha had a new, more authentic meaning for me. It's an exceptional read. Hesse was not a devotee but a European intellectual who was deeply interested in India and had an intuitive understanding of human nature in its quest for perfection. The book is free to read online if you're interested:
http://www.online-literature.com/hesse/siddhartha

Getting out of the material world is the most zigzag of roads. It requires constant attention and adjustment, causeless divine mercy, conscious suffering, sukriti (spiritual good fortune), child-like inquisitiveness, patience, obedience to truths that are often invisible, rules that are at times apparently counter-intuitive, and goals that are always beyond our tiny efforts. This road also demands rejection of group-think, personal sacrifice, tolerance of one's karma and the karma of one's friends, the ability to pick oneself up after countless stumbling, and many other qualities.

Anyone who thinks it's easy to drive down this road and become liberated will soon learn otherwise. Anyone who thinks that blind faith to a belief system or to an institution will suffice is in for a big surprise. Anyone who abuses vaisnavas or disturbs others on the road will need to remain in the material world to become aware of their mistakes and atone for them.

For old-time bhaktas who are readers, i offer my respects, obeisances and appreciation for all your past efforts on the path, and my encouragement. As dark as the day may seem (and it seems quite dark to me), the future is brighter than any of us can imagine. The sun can be checked by dense clouds only for some time. The nite lasts only so long. The morning sun eventually dissipates the fog. We can't say when or where, but every sincere follower of Srila Prabhupada (his regular disciples and the uninitiated who follow his instructions) will surely meet him again.

All glories to our eternal spiritual father, the spiritual sun of our universe, Srila Prabhupada.

Anyone who wishes to communicate with me, can reach me at: jauvana@gmail.com

Om tat sat.

Association

2009-04-18T17:25:00.006-05:00

We live in a world full of denial-- denial of death, denial of grief, denial of compassion, denial of sacrifice. We are part of a "you only live once" culture. Everyone is busy maintaining a mask of successful well-being, a pursuit of enjoyment and an artificial movie of being a well adjusted, happy personality. This bullshit culture that we have grown up with and surrounds us also filters its way into so-called vaisnava society. But that is hardly spiritual association.

The vaisnava acaryas are not afraid to write and sing about how morose they are without pure association. ami boro dukhi. "I am so miserable." kripa balo kana koro. "Give me the glance of your mercy." To acknowledge depression due to lack of association is something the great acaryas did.

My point in my last post was simply to address the enormous loss each of us experienced when we felt it necessary to give up the association of devotees. We each had good reasons for leaving, but we also have good reasons for grieving.

Grief is a natural part of the process of coming to terms with a traumatic loss. In her landmark book, On Death & Dying, published in 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross researched grief associated with the dying process. The 'grief cycle' is actually a model for helping to understand and deal with all major losses--the emotional, physical and yes, spiritual traumas in our lives.

These are the five stages:
1 Denial
Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality relating to the situation concerned. It's a defense mechanism.

2 Anger
Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves or project it on others who they blame for their situation.

3 Bargaining
Persons in this stage of grief bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise with what they have lost or with a higher power, usually with God. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution.

4 Depression
Depression is a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty at a great loss. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept reality.

5 Acceptance
This final stage of the grief process indicates emotional detachment and objectivity. It brings a kind of peace and allows the person to move on to a new space, letting go of the old and embracing a new paradigm.

The grieving process is natural and like other forces of nature, unavoidable. It is when we get stuck in one phase that our situation feels intolerable. For example, if someone remains angry at Iskcon for year after year, unable to move to the next phase, that means he or she is not just angry at Iskcon but at themselves. Chronic anger is self destructive. The same for the other stages of grief. The idea is not to get stuck but to tolerate and acknowledge the different phases of grief while moving thru them to finally reach a new consciousness and corresponding worldview.

The soul "is" the world, and when we are in harmony with the soul and with Supersoul, our actions and emotions will create peace and happiness.

If you can find good association, you are very fortunate. If you cannot find it, you need to create it. There is no alternative. Association to facilitate harmony of the soul is the greatest necessity of our time.

Depressed

2009-04-15T15:41:00.040-05:00

I've had a couple of dreams recently that Hrdayananda appeared in. It's a bit unusual, since i hardly know the guy and i never liked him. I didn't serve in Iskcon with him and rarely saw him since the zonal acaraya fiasco. But there he was, in technicolor, in a couple of my recent dreams. Both times i tried to confide in him, to share with him my grief over what happened in Iskcon. I spoke to him in hushed tones from the heart. I reasoned. I cried.

Why my mind chose Hrdayananda for its catharsis i don't know. But the grief i experienced in these dreams is similar to the sadness of a marriage gone bad. When my first marriage was falling apart, i had to grieve to let go of the attachment. A strong commitment binds the heart.

For those of us who joined Iskcon as idealistic youth, it was like a marriage. As young monks with our hopes, our fears and our devotion, we married Iskcon because it was the vision of our great spiritual master. Sure most of us --if not all of us-- were totally unqualified to make such a commitment. But who knew that then?

All our karmic endeavors that followed-- our wives, our children, finances, businesses and hobbies-- were important to us but always remained subordinate in our hearts to our first big commitment, our unrequited bond to Iskcon. This tie, this great responsibility given to us, a vow and contract signed with the invisible ink of bhakti, was challenged and finally broken for most of us in the months and years following Srila Prabhupada's disappearance.

The details of how this happened i will leave to the historians and commentators. The official line is that we just "disappeared," thousands of us. But the reality is that we were humiliated, starting with being forced to obey and participate in the worship of wholly unqualified peers who sat on high seats in Srila Prabhupada's temples. Those 11 men controlled everyone. Now those men are gone. New ones have replaced them, the seats have been lowered and the externals look more democratic, but in practice, the same sore lack of genuine respect, give and take, openness and brahminical principles remain. The highly centralized control, the censorship, the sweeping corruption, the fundamentalism, party spirit and corporate mindset are all very much on display if you visit Iskcon and have the eyes to see it.

Recently i corresponded with one godbrother whom i haven't met in 25 years. I wrote:
"I think most of us, the godbrothers, are pretty depressed. We all wanted to do something wonderful for Prabhupada, but it didn't turn out the way we had hoped. That was a result of everyone's immaturity and impurities, but especially the disqualification of the leaders. Ironically, almost all of them fell down and became disgraced, but the system didn't fall with them. Instead, it became institutionalized, and it was the godbrothers who scattered and went their own ways.

"A few godbrothers started their own missions and are doing well. There is Paramadwaiti Swami (formerly Alanath) who is a very successful guru in South America, Jagat Guru (now Narasinga Swami) in South India and Tripurari in California. I'm sure there are other godbrothers getting some results on their own. But most of us do not have the ambition or the sakti to act as gurus. This is the problem. Unless we create it, we will not find association. Unless we pay the price of being co-opted by a Hindu-corporate structure or join a personality cult. And that is a Faustian bargain."

I haven't done a survey, but the godbrothers i know and still communicate with are feeling like they lost something that they will not be able to find again and seems impossible to recreate. The hopes of their youth have been smashed. The bride of Iskcon died in their arms just after the honeymoon and transformed itself into an apparition. That is reason enough to feel depressed.

But we must digest this grief and move on. Even if we completely fail, we can be satisfied knowing that failure is the pillar of success.

Amazing Plaze

2009-04-10T00:23:00.014-05:00

"Wandering thru this universe, can't be seen and can't be heard,
can't be understood with words, but amazing."
From "Jivatma Express" by me!

The world really is an amazing place, filled with jivas who are crisscrossing each other's destiny. So creative, so destructive, so vulnerable and dangerous, this world. The more we try to control other jivas for our own enjoyment or control, the greater the reaction. Ask George Bush. Or Bill Clinton. Or one of the former 11 zonal "acaryas."

Today i took a walk by the lake, Lake Michigan, near where i live now. I walked along the shore up to Northwestern University, the school i attended as an undergraduate (and later dropped out) 40 years ago. For a moment, i had a flashback of my consciousness from those days. I remembered my state of mind from my youth. I was swept up, like most of my peers who went on to become devotees, in an idealistic mood that our generation would change the world, make it more human, more spiritual, more just and more beautiful. Anyone over 30 was suspect. We were age racists.

But internally, when i flash back to my personal consciousness, i was walking around in a bewildered condition. I was searching but without a solid sense of what i was to look for. I was confused but way too independent minded to trust any of my professors or even the great philosophers of the past. The only godly quality i can remember was a sense of sincerity that came up when i took drugs and my mind entered an altered state. In that condition only i felt a genuine sense of humility in relation to the universe and to God, although both remained mystical and beyond my understanding. That drug-induced humility led me to prayer and prayer led me eventually to the devotees and Srila Prabhupada.

So there is a place for everything. Even drugs can lead you to God if taken in the right mood. I'm not advocating a "Jayatirtha-approach" to bhakti, but am just stating how the Intention is everything. As Prabhupada once commented when he was on Second Avenue in NYC in 1966, referring to the winos who would loiter outside his storefront temple: If when they drink wine they think this taste is God, that appreciation will lead them to Krishna.

The debate going on now on the internet about gays in Krishna consciousness should reflect the importance of intention over externals. Everyone is having sex in this world. Straights, gays and in-betweens. Even sannyasis, sorry to say, can sometimes be found in Bangkok with their arm around a Thai woman after an exhausting preaching tour. What else is new? Sex is all in all in this world, this amazing place where the jivas can't remember who they really are. So the point is, not homosex or heterosex, but the Intention to appreciate God and to engage in the process of bhakti. Sure, with intention proper behavior and actions should follow, but unless the intention is firmly fixed, no amount of posturing will do any good. "Better a sincere street sweeper than a charlatan yogi."

The "homosex" debate by devotees on the internet has brought Hrdayananda into conflict with the traditionalists in Iskcon. He recently posted an article to defend his position titled, "Never Break a Devotee." The article had some good points i thought, describing how Srila Prabhupada, while speaking with great force against politicians, scientists and clergy, when dealing with members of these professions on a personal basis, was respectful and practical. And that "Prabhupada once personally taught me that we should never "break" a devotee, that is never push a devotee to the breaking point."

I have also seen how gentle Prabhupada was with me when he stayed with us in Tehran for 10 days. Although he could easily understand my disqualification as his disciple, he never once threatened me or used his authority to minimize me. Rather he perfectly reciprocated with my feeble attempts to be receptive to him. But compare that example and Hrdayananda's quote of Srila Prabhupada about never breaking a devotee, to what went on in Iskcon. Even during Prabhupada's time, many devotees were abused to the point of breaking. It was "my way or the highway" with almost all Iskcon leaders.

After Prabhupada left the world, this abuse culminated in the wholesale slaughter of the faith of Prabhupada's disciples. Led by whom? Well, coincidentally, by Hrdayananda and his 10 partners who paraded themselves as the appointed successors to Srila Prabhupada. Sitting smugly on their vyasasans in Srila Prabhupada's temples in front of their godbrothers and sisters they proclaimed: "Don't break a devotee --break all of them! Divide and conquer! Carpe Diem!"

Yes, the jivas are amazing in this material world, an amazing plaze. One of these days or in a future lifetime, a strong fervent desire to get out of here will arise in my heart. At that time i will become indifferent to all that is heard or will be heard. All the material noise will subside and i will learn to listen with great greed to the eternal sound vibrations in the core of my heart. Until then, i will be wandering around this place, learning the lessons i need to reach that defining moment of realization.

Don't break a devotee. Be a devotee.

Atonement

2009-03-31T01:11:00.057-05:00

I came across the concept of "atonement" when reading one of Srila Prabhupada's Bhagavatam translations. These days, unless you are cautious and check the edition you are reading, you can't be sure if you are reading Prabhupada's words or those of an attention-deficit disordered disciple who compulsively edits his divine grace's translations and purports, to "improve" on Srila Prabhupada's transcendental ecstasies.

Well, i prefer to read the books "as they were," when Prabhupada dictated them late at nite sitting alone in his room. I prefer his language and his emotions to a neophyte's. And most of the changes are so minor they are irrelevant. What justifies altering your spiritual master's life work? Changing Prabhupada's syntax for no better reason than your own ego's satisfaction is hardly justifiable. You can be sure that if Prabhupada were physically here, these editors would be too meek to change even a comma.

The word atonement caught my eye in one of Prabhupada's translations, as we hear the term commonly used in Judeo-Christian culture and religion. It always irks me that the best words in the English language have been co-opted by western religions, thus giving them a spin that renders these words judgmental, aggressive or sectarian to my ears. So i researched the etymology of "atonement" to find its origins and various meanings.

Atonement is influenced by the Latin, adunamentum, meaning unity or reconciliation, especially between man and God. An even earlier root is onement, from an obsolete verb, one, to unite. So the concept of atonement is based on uniting with the divine by reviving one's original consciousness. At-One-Ment.

In popular usage, atonement has come to mean: to make amends for a wrong or injury; to repay or compensate for a wrongdoing or a mistake. It is closely linked to the word, expiate ("to expiate one's sins"), which in turn is connected with the word, appease, meaning to pacify or satisfy. Peace is thus directly related to piety.

Here is where Srila Prabhupada's devotional genius shines a light on the concept of atonement. He writes in SB 6.1.11, that "even though one may superficially seem pious, he will undoubtedly be prone to act impiously." (Sound familiar?) "Therefore real atonement is enlightenment in perfect knowledge, Vedanta, the Absolute Truth."

Another synonym of atonement is the verb, to propitiate. Propitiation is the act of placating and overcoming distrust, to win over and regain someone's favor by doing something that pleases them. To make them favorable to us. So atonement is not an abstract, impersonal activity, but one that is very much connected to reciprocation in a Relationship.

Atonement is an understanding and bonding between persons. That person with whom we most need to understand and bond with is Vasudeva, the knower of Vedanta, the source of everything, the Supreme Personality of Godhead. If we make ourselves favorable to him, our long history of suffering will cease.

Interesting confirmation of this is that the antonym or opposite of atonement is separation. The opposite of making amends and becoming enlightened with perfect knowledge of Vasudeva is to experience the angst of existential separation: maya, illusion, ignorance, the false ego, fear, death. The root of our sense of separation is our damaged relationship with God.

Which brings me to the most concise and compelling definition of atonement i found. It is in the Wiktionary, a new online dictionary related to the Wikipedia. There, atonement is defined as "a repair done for the sake of a damaged relationship."

So there it is: real atonement is to act in such a way as to repair our damaged (bahir mukta, misdirected) relationship with Bhagavan Sri Krishna. The process of atonement is hearing (sravanam) and chanting (kirtanam) about him, developing perfect knowledge of him (smaranam), culminating in taste (rati), spiritual emotions (bhava) and pure love (prema bhakti, complete Krishna consciousness).

Atonement is not Group Think. It is not a competition, a corporate career or ecclesiasticism, church practice.

What is called atonement in mundane circles --pious acts, rituals, austerities, vows and decrees-- is not substantial enough to move the soul out of its sleeping condition. These things only cheat the soul by keeping it attached to matter. According to Srila Prabhupada, real atonement is soul work -- the activity of the soul proper. Detachment from matter.

When the soul practices real atonement, he or she learns to act in full harmony and in perfect knowledge of God. He becomes a yogi of the highest order, a swan who swims in the peaceful lake of At-One-Ment. Diving beneath the surface of popular concerns, the soul learns to play in the tangled stems of the lotus of Sri Krishna's feet. This was the message and the example that Srila Prabhupada taught. Don't accept anything less. Om tat sat.

Red Meat Exposed

2009-03-23T22:09:00.007-05:00

I usually write about essential spiritual and philosophical topics. Today i divert to inform you of an important new study on the effects of meat eating on health. Most readers of this blog are already vegetarians. But this new study is significant as it is the first to provide strong empiric evidence of the effects of meat eating on human life span. Red meat has been found to be a major cause of premature death.

The results of a study of 500,000 middle-aged and older Americans found that those who consumed about four ounces of red meat a day (the equivalent of about a small hamburger) were more than 30 percent more likely to die during the 10 years they were followed, mostly from heart disease and cancer but other diseases as well.

Previous research had found a link between red meat and an increased risk of heart disease and cancer, but the new study is the first large examination of the relationship between eating meat and overall risk of death.

Among women, those who ate the most red meat were 36 percent more likely to die for any reason, 20 percent more likely to die of cancer and 50 percent more likely to die of heart disease. Men who ate the most meat were 31 percent more likely to die for any reason, 22 percent more likely to die of cancer and 27 percent more likely to die of heart disease.

"The bottom line is we found an association between red meat and processed meat and an increased risk of mortality," said Rashmi Sinha of the National Cancer Institute, who led the study published yesterday in the Archives of Internal Medicine.

"The uniqueness of this study is its size and length of follow-up," said Barry M. Popkin, a professor of global nutrition at the University of North Carolina, who wrote an editorial accompanying the study. "This is a slam-dunk to say that, 'Yes, indeed, if people want to be healthy and live longer, consume less red and processed meat.' "

The American Meat Institute dismissed the findings in a statement saying that "meat products are part of a healthy, balanced diet, and studies show they actually provide a sense of satisfaction and fullness that can help with weight control. Proper body weight contributes to good health overall."

That's a pretty lame rebuttal of a scientific study which proved that the 71,000 persons who died in the course of the study were the heaviest red meat eaters in a group of half a million.

In addition to health benefits, reducing red meat in the human diet would greatly reduce water shortages, global pollution, greenhouse gas emissions and cut energy consumption. Eliminating red meat would effectively reduce the murder rate of millions and millions of cows and bulls by 100%, thus greatly improving the collective karma of all human beings on this planet.

But don't expect that to happen anytime soon. When asked what he would like to eat the first time he boarded Air Force One, the presidential airplane, Mr. Obama asked for a cheeseburger with fries.

More effective than any scientific study to change people's eating habits would be massive distribution of Krishna prasadam. That was Srila Prabhupada's prescription for the world. It was also his secret weapon for creating devotees out of red meat melechas. If a study was done, and the devotees were honest, it would be seen that none of them had a higher taste for chanting the holy names, but all of them had a taste for delicious prasadam.

Pride of Prejudice

2009-03-17T13:09:00.015-05:00

We all have our views and opinions in this world. They are based either on personal likes and dislikes, actual experiences or prejudices.

It is everyone's prejudices -- preconceived opinions not based on reason, or a holistic understanding of scripture or on sober personal reflection of life experience-- that is the cause of so much grief, hostility and conflict in the world.

We see how everyone in the vaisnava world is extremely judgmental.

Quoting from any source they can-- a verse here, a letter there, a "Prabhupada said" or whatever they can dig up-- devotees do not communicate with an openness or a desire for discovery. Contrary to vaisnava behavior, which is one of inquiry and reasoning, devotees from all sides, immediately take the position of authority.

It amazes me that something as detailed as whether a particular deity can wear a peacock feather on an altar in the mandir becomes a major subject for debate and didacticism. In the manner of moral authorities, devotees have become patronizing zealots rather than seekers of an all inclusive truth. Soon the pen will turn to the sword, and Hindus will follow their fundamentalist brothers from other faiths to justify killing to enforce their prejudiced morality and judgments. Murder is already part of Iskcon history.

We are each able to learn and advance according to our own realization and abilities. There are no "stereotypes" on the path to God. There is so much diversity of feelings, impressions and expressions in this universe. If the Common point is Krishna or Allah or Khoda, bas. The details will work themselves out if the intention is pure.

We are quick to offend and slow to support one another. We express our prejudices as if they were the absolute truth. Thus we miss the actual Reality of Krishna, which is to see everything as Krishna's energy and to respect all expressions connected to Bhagavan, as attempts to glorify the Lord. Of course, nescience must also be seen for what it is and clearly understood as the shadow of Krishna: maya, illusion.

But to let our prejudices preempt the gentle manners and inquiring spirit of real vaisnavas while we masquerade as sadhus-- that is not Krishna consciousness. That is the pride of prejudice. The pride before the fall.

What are you looking for?

2009-03-12T18:32:00.015-05:00

Truth is always painful at first. The truth to see yourself. To see how fallen you are. To see how far away from Krishna you have gone. To see how helpless you are. To see the naked truth of the material world.

But truth also sets you free. Free to be yourself, not to play a role. Free to stop trying to control others or be controlled by them. Free to be independent of family and society. Free to be a sadhu.

Freedom leads us to Krishna. Krishna gives us bliss when we meet him and even when we feel separation from him. Bliss is not cheap. Bliss is the one thing Krishna gives only to his devotees. His pure devotees.

Money, power, fame, heaven, even liberation from the material world is easy to get compared to bliss.

And devotees of Krishna do not easily accept bliss, vowing to serve him instead. Do you think that Srila Prabhupada, who agreed to receive so many headaches from his disciples and from his preaching, was always in bliss? He was in anxiety for his service. In anxiety to deliver the truth to unqualified souls. Anxiety to do everything he could to create a spiritual revolution in a short time without qualified helpers.

What about the less advanced "simulated" gurus (no names necessary)? Their bliss appears to be a show, an impression, a caricature of devotional ecstasy. They are devotees no doubt, and many of them have sacrificed much on behalf of their service. But unfortunately, most are far better actors than devotees.

Actors are looking for applause. Devotees are searching after Krishna.

What are you looking for?

Gaurabda 523

2009-03-10T00:28:00.027-05:00

Today i read that B.V. Puri Maharaj, the 96 year old sadhu and Gaudiya vaisnava guru of his own mission, passed away last week at Visakapatnam, India. He was one of the very last of his generation who took initiation from Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati and who faithfully carried on his teachings. That generation of devotees contained many great souls who were real sadhus. They may not have been exceptional managers from the material perspective, but just to see such sadhus in Vrindavan or in Mayapur was purifying and satisfying. I remember seeing Puri Maharaj there many times. I am more and more feeling the absence of such personalities in our world. Their absence is our loss.

In a world deprived of genuine sadhus, imitation sadhus prevail. In an insane world, a rational person is unwelcome.

The diaspora of devotees, those who became disgusted by or who were chased away from Iskcon, are now scattered around the world by their karma. Everyone is suffering. Most are silent, some are talking, others have made new alliances. But there is no magic bullet, no solution, no redemption for anyone who is competing or placing their hopes in the material world. Maya is in charge here, and she creates endless problems for the jivas in this world. Even if someone is charismatic and empowered to influence others towards good or evil, he cannot liberate others or even himself. daivi hy esa gunamayi.

Srila Prabhupada confirms this when he explains that "a man bound by the hands and feet cannot free himself-- he must be helped by a person who is unbound. Because the bound cannot help the bound, the rescuer must be liberated." This is the problem. Unless sadhus are real, they cannot liberate anyone, even themselves. Those who merely pretend to be sadhus still want to control others. They create more problems than they solve.

Prabhupada then quotes Lord Siva: mukti-pradata sarvesam visnur eva na samsayah. "There is no doubt that Visnu is the deliverer of liberation for everyone."

Friend and enemy, lover and hater, member of this institution or that-- all positions are relative in this world. Even my own body and mind are very often uncooperative and unenthusiastic for my spiritual life. Passion pushes me in the wrong direction. Inertia is a powerful force that keeps me down. Nothing seems to move me towards Krishna. Yet, the wonderful thing is that sraddha--transcendental faith-- is not dependent on any of this. No external or internal obstacle, no actor in this world, not even the powerful mind, can check faith. Bhakti is independent like Krishna. This is the secret gift we have received by divine mercy. And it is within the garden of this faith that we must cultivate our hopes and prayers so that one day they will bear fruit.

We cannot expect an easy path. Things may get worse before getting better. "Those favored by God find their paths set by thorns." This quote is attributed to Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati and should give us hope. When we see thorns or when we step on them, we should think that the roses of God are not too far away. We should learn to search out the roses rather than curse at the thorns. Perhaps even see the thorns as our guides....siksa gurus, friends of ours who have come to lead us to the soft rose petals of ruci and bhava.

In any case, the thorns are on our path and this path is our way home. Whether we are walking in loneliness or in the company of many, we must each walk this path with our own faith. There is no alternative for us.

I wish you success today, Gaura Purnima, and on your journey during this new year of Gaurabda 523.

Gaura Hari...Gauracandra...Gaurasundar ki jaya!

Exchanges on the Path

2009-03-03T14:31:00.004-06:00

I am not thinking about this blog or planning anything, but when relevant thoughts or exchanges come up, i will post them here. I have email exchanges with a few friends and this one just happened. As they say, "if the shoe fits...wear it."

Since i did not ask this godbrother's permission to post his words, he will remain anonymous (although he is one of the regular readers of this blog, and if he has an objection, i will hear from him.)

From a godbrother:

"But we have to face it that the majority (including devotees) is, well, alpa medhasha – less intelligent. I am not claiming that I am super intelligent but I think that I can safely say that I am somewhat thoughtful. For myself I have resolved that in spite of advanced age and the days flying by I still have to practice to be patient. So, for now, I am concentrating on Shaastra – reading, translating, and publishing. I just feel safe that way. But even for that I really have to discipline myself, especially the initial inertia. I still visit the SUN almost every day, but find myself skipping a lot of contributions as I look at the names of the contributors. A lot of it is just a modern form of Prajalpa.

"Your recent blog entry regarding puppets gave me another confirmation as to how make the best use of the valuable time. 'Some of the best atheists are the clergymen and commissioners of the churches and temples of this world.' Something similar went through my mind during my last visit to the Mayapur festival and on my now rare visits to Dandavats.com."

And part of my response to him via email:

Everyone hears what they want to hear. In reality the spiritual path is the most wide, all-inclusive, truly non-sectarian, the only truly personal path. But it is not experienced like this for most neophyte devotees because they are confronted by materially tinged interpretations of higher reality from their peers. i think that is why Jesus said that the spiritual path is the most narrow one. Because if you really want to walk on it, you need to disregard conventional wisdom and politically motivated approaches, including those of your spiritual peers. You need to let go of anything that conflicts with your own higher understanding. So it is a sign of your progress that you have a sense of higher understanding and this is what guides you. Progress must follow if you act on your understanding, despite the cost.

Puppet Play

2009-02-27T14:36:00.020-06:00

In an article in the NY Times i came across a couple of quotes written by the recently deceased Pulitzer prize winning author, John Updike.

Updike describes the facts of life as “unbearably heavy, weighted as they are with our personal death. Writing, in making the world light — in codifying, distorting, prettifying, verbalizing it — approaches blasphemy.”

In other words, Updike says that our mortality makes every other thing in the world-- whatever its apparent beauty, value or power-- seem superficial and facile, like trivial chatter. Think of this chatter as a kind of blasphemy against reality! Certainly to glorify this chatter is a kind of blasphemy!

How true, but how difficult to avoid it. Authors like Updike made his name and fame from it, and the rest of the world feed each other with it. It is practically the bread of life. To be indifferent to all of it (including the blah blahing most devotees enjoy) is a great achievment.

Greater yet than tolerating and being indifferent to this chatter, is to be attentive and active on a platform beyond it, on the plane of seva. To be jolly and cheerfully situated on that higher plane of divine service, of hearing and chanting, is possible only for a sadhu. I don't care what anyone's dress is or how articulate they may be. I am not impressed with their scholarship or renunciation or popularity.

I bow down only to those who are steadily situated on the plane of seva to sravanam and kirtanam. And i offer my respects to those whose hopes and prayers are to one day reach that plane. To all others, let me do my best to endure their petty blasphemy in a myriad of forms and appearances.

Here is another golden quote from Mr. Updike:

“Nature dangles sex to keep us walking toward the cliff.”

We are sexual puppets moving towards a cliff which happens to be our own death. Sex and death are intimate relations with each other. (For those who cannot see the connection, think of it another way: sex is the cause of birth, and birth is the cause of both sex and death.)

Our imaginations are the background score to this puppet play, filled with undelivered yet vivid promises of sex, drugs and rock and roll (choose your particular variation). Nature is the puppet master who moves us on the strings of the impressions in our minds. The false ego is the puppet master's faithful assistant who spins a personal web for each of us that blinds us and keeps us from seeing our soul and from seeing what lies just ahead.

As we finally approach the cliff in our forgetful play, fear appears and grasps us by the neck. We sense a bleak outcome and experience the anxiety of another impending death. 'Oh shit,' we say, 'I'm not ready to die.'

The rare ones who yell out to us in the puppet theatre before we walk off the cliff, shout: 'the house is on fire!' At their own risk, they warn us and try to awaken us. But these great souls are either marginalized as "freeloaders" or madmen, or are co-opted into plastic prophets by the chela priests of religion. Some of the best atheists are the clergymen and commissioners of the churches and temples of this world.

Unbearably heavy, this conspiracy of illusion, this play of puppets. To all who are sincerely trying to get off the stage and to help others too, i say: Sadhu, sadhu! Bravo! Well done! Jai to you! Send me your blessings!

Actions Louder than Words

2009-02-22T20:16:00.004-06:00

In an article just published in the Sampradaya Sun on Scroll Paintings in Lord Jagannath's Orissa, Part 2, the author, Asis K. Chakrabarti, extols the virtues of what he calls, "Jagannath Consciousness."

Here is what he writes:

"Jagannath consciousness has become ubiquitous, radiating near and far. He is the symbol of universal brotherhood. His principal preamble is, 'Humanity on earth is but one family.'

"It is precisely for the very reason that various sects and religions such as Vaishnava, Shaiva, Shakta, Buddhist and Jain traditions have transcended barriers to mingle and blend immaculately in Lord Jagannath. Lord Jagannath also encompasses the animistic tribal religions. Before Him, starting from the tribals, others like the Brahmin, untouchables/chandals, sudras, or even the Muslims - all have become His children traversing on a single path."

If the author of this article really believes what he writes, then let him explain why it is that no one is allowed into the Jagannath temple at Puri unless they can prove they are Indian-born Hindus. It is easy to use flowery language. Let Mr. Chakrabarti and the respectable brahmin priests of Puri display a universal vision of brotherhood under the fatherhood of Lord Jagannath by acting as servants rather than as racists. By excluding others on the basis of skin color or nationality, they are proclaiming that Lord Jagannath, under their care, is not Lord of the Universe, but Lord of a racist religion.

For us who are not born in India, it is no problem to pay our respects to Lord Jagannath from a distance, and to benefit by tasting His transcendental prasadam. Maybe it is better for us in order to understand our own fallen condition. Even Haridas Thakur, the namacarya personally selected by Lord Caitanya, did not complain about not having darshan of Lord Jagannath, due to his being born in a Muslim family.

But if the servants of Lord Jagannath want people of the world to take notice of the true personality of their master, Parambrahman Sri Jagannath, then they would welcome every innocent visitor to His temple. With their open minds and hearts, they could show the world the non-sectarian munificent spirit of pure love that He is.

The same prescription applies to anyone who wants to impress others with the value of their belief system. It is actions, not words, that count. Don't talk the talk unless you walk the walk. The words we write and the truths we speak are only as eloquent or as egregious as our behavior.

Who is a devotee?

2009-02-11T22:26:00.026-06:00

The definition of a devotee is based on two simple premises in my opinion. First, a devotee recognizes the authority of God as the supreme proprietor and controller of the world and of himself. Second, he or she understands their own distressed and spiritually impoverished condition in relation to God. Before we can recognize our oneness with the Lord, we need to recognize our smallness. By recognizing our smallness, we also see the oneness of all jivas with God which leads us to offer them profound respect.

Respect is not lip-deep or a misty new age projection. It is a profound regards for other jivas that creates a feeling of heartfelt compassion for their suffering. No one can love another jiva or be in a position to guide them or save them, without first having basic respect for them. You cannot be a guru, father, mother, husband or leader without respecting those who are depending on you.

Where there is false pride, you will see imitation leadership, bullying and cronyism. The results will not be inspiring. Love and devotion will be conspicuous by their absence. The "us and them" mentality will prevail. Disrespect will be the currency of communication.

When we look at the dealings of devotees in all camps, more often than not we see a culture of indifference and disrespect. Everyone attempts to present themselves or their group as self righteously perfect. We hear blatant name calling, condescension, contemptuous language, straw man arguments, guilt by association and twisted logic all over the internet between vaisnavas. And we wonder: are these immodest persons really devotees?

It takes more than theoretical knowledge, semantics and basic faith to be a devotee. Sambhanda, the first stage of bhakti, is not just knowing our eternal relationship with God, but also knowing and acknowledging our separation from God due to our own mistakes. To act with respect and without duplicity towards others is required to pass the entrance exam to bhakti. Spiritual practice (abhidheya) and the goal of life (prayojana), are out of context without sambhanda. Often more harm than good can be done by pretending to practice or to have achieved the goal without experiencing and acting on this foundation of our true position.

If someone praises God without acknowledging their own smallness and inner fallen condition, certainly they are pious, but are they a devotee?

I challenge anyone who claims to be a devotee to first accept their own distressed, miserable condition and acknowledge it publicly. To avoid seeking praise or profit for oneself based on so-called devotion and to genuinely respect others will go a long way to create an atmosphere where a real society of devotees can grow.

Such open hearted behavior is the pillar of success in spiritual life, as expressed in the teaching of Sriman Mahaprabhu: amanina manadena. According to Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati, this advice is the ultimate siddha-pranali mantra. (The mantra for attaining your spiritual body.)

And what about criticism? Is it all right to criticize others for their apparent failings? Or for their misuse of power? The answer is that there is no contradiction between showing respect to others and offering criticism if it is done in a humble spirit. That means we first acknowledge our own responsibility and our own limitations. For example, all of us who participated in Iskcon during the time of Srila Prabhupada, have to share some of the burden for supporting the corruption that took place both during Prabhupada's time and after his departure. We allowed corrupt leaders to control us. Some of the reaction came down on us. We need to proclaim our own mistakes as loudly as we point out the mistakes and misrepresentations of others. No one can claim they were completely innocent victims. And no one will be free from the reactions of their abuse.

The status quo is wanting in every respect. It is shameful what goes on in the name of bhakti and religion. But devotees who call for reform or revolution will never be successful without genuine modesty. This modesty is not to be confused with etiquette. We have all seen how words spoken without sincerity do more harm than good. And we have also seen how artificial submissive behavior creates tyrants!

What is needed is a paradigm shift towards promoting truth without biases or material ambition, a new pattern of honesty without duplicity towards our brothers and sisters, a reprogramming of our personality minus the arrogance and self righteousness. The tendency towards herd mentality, following others blindly, setting up leaders who are themselves imperfect must be overcome. Sober, mature, tolerant, inner focused must be the new standard. Change must come from within.

Without such a shift, we may be able to temporarily impress, persuade or even control others. We may even get some concessions from the established political hierarchy. But in the end, unless we change ourselves, nothing will change. The last laugh will be on us. We shall have to ask ourself at the time of death: what have i done with my life? Why did i hesitate to go deeper? Why did i shortchange my higher purpose for some lesser goal?

I'm afraid the answer to: "who is a devotee?" is still pending for the vast majority of us. We have not yet answered this basic question for ourself and some of us have not even bothered to ask it. Whatever our position, we cannot act for the greater good until we are able to get our own inner house in order. We must stop distracting ourselves by all sorts of things: traveling around without purpose, shouting at each other, jockeying for position, looking for respect or appreciation, giving in to bad habits.

Some of us struggle on in loneliness, thinking about what to do. Anyone who has the chance must make it his necessity to shift egoistic thinking and sacrifice old habits. No shortcuts will work. The state of mind must be simple and lead to kirtan. When we actually find a taste in kirtan, we will probably find that our life is no longer morose, our doubts no longer trouble us and our hopes no longer are in vain.

That is when we can call ourself a devotee. By then, we won't need to call ourselves anything. We will be happy without any designation and feel free amongst the noisy chaos and clamor of the world.

New Year's Resolution

2009-01-01T02:09:00.008-06:00

Around this time last year, i thought about ending this blog. I announced this in a post around New Year's Day, January 2008. A few friends responded by encouraging me not to stop writing. Since then i've written another 70 posts, which i think are better than the previous year's batch. Although i don't get a lot of feedback, sometimes friends or new readers send me their comments. These brief exchanges always lift me up. And when i travel, it amazes me when devotees tell me they read the blog or how they liked a particular piece. The No.1 hit was my satire on a faux GBC resolution selling samadhi plots in Mayapur. It was funny because it was pretty close to the truth. If those guys only knew how absurd they appear to the rest of the world, and especially to their godbrothers (95% of whom are no longer their "pals" in Iskcon) they would all immediately resign! They would be too embarrassed to carry on. That goes for every one of them.The fact that they are not resigning is a sign that they are shameless.

For me, out here on my own, like most of you, being able to express my thoughts in writing and instantly post them to a global audience has been a rare pleasure. But as far as i can tell, i've said everything i have to say. And reflecting on the limited time that i have in this life, i would like everyone's blessings to focus again on music. It's one of the first things i did when i started out as a brahmacari. I joined the original road show as a musician at New Vrindavan in 1971, and then i went to L.A. to work in Iskcon's first recording studio that was dedicated to preaching thru the Krishna Show and to recording and distributing Prabhupada's bhajans.

It shows just how neglectful the leaders of Iskcon are, that more than 30 years after Srila Prabhupada's disappearance, to my knowledge, there are no recording studios dedicated to kirtan. Sankirtan is music. By now, there should be 50 recording studios around the world committed to devotional music composed by devotees. Instead, Iskcon has big white elephant temples in India such as Juhu and Delhi with more on the way, and skeleton temples in North America where a handful of imported devotees keep the temples from closing. And it's not any more progressive in most of the other Gaudiya missions, with a few exceptions.

One notable exception is the mission of my godbrother, Paramadwaiti Swami. Perhaps because South America is poor, or because Iskcon failed to recognize him and kicked him out, he started his own mission where he cultivated a family spirit, promoting respect amongst devotees and between genders in his sanga. Paramadwaiti offers an example of sane leadership, a rare achievement in today's dysfunctional devotional world. Naturally, he's shunned by Iskcon.

It is a lack of basic respect for vaisnavas, a pretentious show of etiquette by grandiose leaders and the creation of an elite "upper caste" of unqualified elected gurus that has crippled the spread of Krishna consciousness. Of course, those in command will tell you how dynamic the growth has been these past 30 years. But really, what intelligent or talented person would join a society of duplicitous supervisors, petty zealots and warmhearted sentimentalists? Those who join eventually either sell out or get out. Either way, it is a failure.

It is the ultimate irony, that the movement started by the Enlightened Reformer and Bold Transcendental Pioneer, Avatari Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, has been burdened and handicapped by reactionary and conventional managers! How displeased our founder acarya must be with this result! And how painfully obvious this is to anyone who is not getting their chapatis buttered by the institution.

We, the godbrothers out there, are each in our own lifeboats now. We each must act attempting to connect our nature to the Supreme by whatever means available to us. This is not at all an easy task without association and support. Srila Prabhupada wanted us to have lots of support and association-- that was one of his primary purposes in starting Iskcon. He knew how difficult spiritual life is for neophytes. Out of his deepest compassion for us, he created Iskcon. He didn't create a bureaucracy and a politburo for a new religion! But that is how things turned out.

Prabhupada wanted us to become brahmanas. He didn't want kripanas, misers, who misuse their work for their self interest. He wanted us to work as a sacrifice for the Supreme, not for any local interest. The artificial imposition of control over devotees by ignorant leaders for their own parochial interests has spoiled Prabhupada's vision for a society of devotees!

But all is not lost. Actually, nothing is lost. Krishna consciousness cannot be checked by any infection.

One place we can always find Krishna consciousness is in the transcendental vibration of sound. Here is what Srila Prabhupada personally told John Lennon and George Harrison in 1969:

"Music -- the Vedic mantras were all through music. Sound waves are full of music....(Sanskrit verse)....Samogha means the follower of the sound waves. Gayanti, they are always in music, through musical vibration they are approaching the Supreme. Samogha.

"Gayanti means singing. So Vedic mantras are sung. This whole Bhagavad-gita and Srimad Bhagavatam can be sung very nicely. And this Vedic mantra chanting, simply by hearing the vibration, people will be benefited. Even they do not understand.....

"Simply by transcendental vibration of sound, everything can be achieved."

To succeed in anything requires determination and a sea change in habits. It is not easy for an old dog to learn a new trick. But rather than being unaccountable for the days speeding by, reading the news and (the mostly) depressing opinions of those on the mental platform (including the vast majority of articles written by devotees on devotee websites), or worse, falling down into anarthas, we must learn to exercise our free will. I would like to focus my attention on developing skills in music and become absorbed in kirtan. I especially would like to study the unique kirtan style introduced by Srila Prabhupada and adapt it to a contemporary form. I don't know if i have the sakti to do this, but at least i have a desire.

If i can't become a kirtaniya in this life, i would like to die trying. Prabhupada often mentioned that we should "die with our boots on." (And with so much glory he showed us how to do that!) OK, it's not possible for us to live and die with such grace and fearlessness, but at least we can try to get our boots on! Even one boot or even half a boot! The effort will count for something.

As for this blog, i've decided to press the pause button again. Maybe it's the time of year, i don't know. I just don't want to feel obliged for now. After writing and posting 180 articles here on this blog these past two years, i've said just about everything that i have to say in the way of commentary. Anyone is welcome to read my posts and come to your own conclusions. And i encourage anyone who has anything to say, to create your own blog. It's easy-- blogspot.com is a free service provided by Google-- and it's simple to set up. If i can do it, anyone can.

Giving and taking amongst devotees is an exchange of love. However tenuous my friendships with devotees are, i consider these friendships my most valuable asset. I would like to give a shout out to a few friends who are attempting to walk the walk. To Ananda Swarup in Amsterdam, who plays sweet Bengali bhajans on his guitar, and can tell you the word-for-word meaning of each song with precision and realization. To Vicaru, who wakes up at 4 am most mornings in his house near Kent, England, and does a complete morning program all by himself. To Rasacarya who lives alone in the northern boondocks of Holland and maintains tulasi devi nicely year round in an extreme climate. To Atma Vidya, who stays in a humble flat in Hamburg, chanting lots of rounds and translating Jaiva Dharma into German. These devotees around the world are quietly doing their seva and are inspirations to me.

May the coming year be kind to you. May the grace of God be with you in the form of insight and energy to act on the higher platform and to reach out to share this energy with others. May your long and at times tedious journey that found hope and good fortune when you met the devotees and bowed your head at the lotus feet of Prabhupada, not be checked by any obstacle. And may you experience inner felicity and peace-- by the causeless kripa of Sri Gaura Hari, Sri Nitai Ram and Srila Prabhupada.

your insignificant friend,

nava jauvana das

p.s. Despite my sabbatical from this blog, i welcome correspondence and i am always ready to respond and reciprocate as best i can. My personal email address is: jauvana@gmail.com At least, please send me your blessings.

Autobiography of a Yogi

2008-12-23T16:54:00.026-06:00

I've been reading Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda. I read his account of his exceptional life as a mystic yogi many decades ago, when i was also dreaming about a spiritual trek to the Himalayas. I never made it there (neither did Yogananda it turned out), but the Swami's book made an impression on me then, and it still does after all these years and variegated experiences in Krishna Consciousness.

What impresses me is not the philosophy of Kriya Yoga. His line, to the best of my understanding, is an eclectic mix of Pantanjali, Kundalini, Shankaracarya's monism and bhakti! Yogananda never gives a clear and concise definition of his philosophy, and i think in his line, practice and realization of mystic yoga siddhis takes precedence over both oneness and service. But in terms of philosophy, the undercurrent of monism that moves thru their line, puts salt in the sweet rice, at least for any aspiring bhakta.

He also spends some time in his book trying his best to reconcile Christian thought from the Bible and modern scientific theories with yoga. For someone preaching yoga and vegetarianism to Americans in the 1920s, 30s and 40s, Yogananda was remarkably ahead of his time. You might even say he personally introduced yoga and 'new age' thinking to the West.

But what really impresses me in his book (and almost makes me jealous), is the wonderful, intimate and loving personal exchanges he was able to have with yoga masters during his early training years in India. Yogananda was born in 1893 in Bengal, just three years prior to the birth of His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada. Basically, they were contemporaries, growing up in a culturally opulent period, when Calcutta was the capital of India, when Bengalis were highly cultured and when genuine vaisnavas and yogis could be found simply for the seeking.

Yogananda was inclined to be a yogi, and he met many amazing personalities. These yogis had perfected yogic meditation and possessed some supra-human qualities along with humility. Similarly, there also were pure vaisnavas, even so-called ordinary men, such as Srila Prabhupada's humble father, Sri Gour Mohan Dey, who had divine qualities. Where today, can such men and women be found?

We live in a time of mass culture. Just by a few keystrokes i can discover libraries worth of information and knowledge about a vast range of mundane and spiritual subjects. But where are the personalities who have imbibed this knowledge? Where are the saints and yogis who have assimilated the teachings of their gurus and can animate yoga and bhakti with joy and illumination? Who is there to pour cooling water over our dry minds and soothe our scorched hearts?

In this mood, i enjoyed reading Yogananda's journey from his childhood to becoming a swami and yogi, while at the same time, i lamented how such a journey at least on the outward plane, is no longer possible in our world today. With all our technology, we have lost the wealth of masters and highly evolved devotees. We have also lost the sensitivity for seeking such personalities. We live in a much poorer world because of it.

But thanks to the mercy of Srila Prabhupada, at least, we do have a clear map of how to get from Point A (material consciousnss) to Point B (Krishna Consciousness). That map is accessible to anyone and everyone who wishes to follow his guidance with their own intelligence. (And not blindly follow anyone who claims to represent him.) Some of us also have precious memories of Srila Prabhupada who bestowed love on us with every word and glance and thought. We can only pray that our prayers and chanting bring us closer to his lotus feet. That is possible by his mercy. We also can have hope -- not to change external circumstances in any group or organization-- but to one day find a time and space where, with intimacy and an open heart, and without any hidden motive, we will associate with a pure devotee of Krishna.

No more will we feel in want, in need or envious of anyone or anything in this world when that day finally comes. Our most cherished desires will be fulfilled. Even the perfections and charms of the mystic yogis will have no attraction for us. We will see the Supersoul in everyone. With God realization, our inner poverty, ambition and grief will be conquered. With love, a yogi can give up his meditation, a king can renounce the world and even a dog can be better than a brahmin. That's the perfection of yoga.

It's a Mad, Mad, Madoff World

2008-12-21T01:29:00.005-06:00

The latest in a series of earthquakes in the financial world is the news that one of Wall Street's most successful private investment firms was nothing more than a $50 billion Ponzi scheme. A Ponzi scheme is a fraud: someone claims to offer you an excellent return on your money and actually pockets the money, paying off previous clients with your cash. It was named after Charles Ponzi, an Italian immigrant who set up a scheme in Boston almost a century ago that made millions. (Mr. Ponzi landed up in both Federal and State prisons.)

Now there are three extra zeros added to the 21st century sequel: billions of dollars were invested with Bernard Madoff, a Jewish New York investor whom everyone thought was brilliant and a pillar of his community. There seems to be nothing left of the money. "We think it went to money heaven," an investigator said.

"It's all basically a lie," Mr. Madoff confessed to his sons just before being arrested.

Mr. Madoff is allegedly a first-class fraud, but how is his hoax much different from the so-called honest brokers and bankers of Wall Street who have lost trillions of investor money? I'm no economist or lawyer, but when trillions of dollars are gambled and lost by clever people, is there no penalty? The problem is, the entire global economy has been built on greed and cheating. So where do you draw the line?

And it's not just about money. The imbalance of wealth achieved by those who manage (and lose) other people's money corrupts the society as a whole. Greed becomes an ideal rather than the powerful human fault that it really is.

Communism failed, in part, because it did not engage people's greed. The totalitarian state works by fear, not greed. But fear does not make people work hard. Greed does. Unfortunately, greed creates its own imbalances, which ultimately corrupt the whole system in a different way. Its like pigging out. Eventually a person pays the price for stuffing himself by becoming ill. Society also pays for pigging out.

In my own life experience, i have witnessed the effects of greed. It's unhealthy, malignant and damaging. Multiply that by millions and you get a society that is totally out of balance and discordant with nature.

On Wall Street, earning a million dollars is nothing special, and many money managers make incomes of $20 million or more. While the incomes of doctors, lawyers and Wall St. executives have inflated, ordinary workers wages are flat. And while doctors try to "do no harm," (although they often do no good and sometimes unintentionally do a lot of harm), the same can't be said for high-powered Wall St. bankers. They cleverly exploit a bubble, create an illusion of high profits, and when the bubble bursts, ordinary people lose their pensions and life savings, while the bankers keep their million dollar salaries and bonuses.

Most of all, the vast riches and quick money being made by a few promotes an unsustainable and corrupt myth: that you can get something for nothing. We idolize men who can make a lot of money, regardless of how they do it, or whether they are actually contributing anything useful or not to society. That's what Srimad Bhagavatam tells us is standard in Kali Yuga. If you can show money, you are a gentleman to be respected. If you can't, you're an unfit beggar, perhaps a criminal. But who are the real criminals? You never know in a mad, mad, madoff world.

Freedom Lovers

2008-12-17T21:08:00.017-06:00

Life is a struggle, no matter what condition we are in. Poor persons struggle to survive and rich persons struggle with subtle desires. Ignorant persons struggle with inferiority and intelligent persons struggle with arrogance. Everyone struggles with the mind and the senses. We are dominated by our own mind, while we think we are free.

Youths who protest for more freedom will never understand that real freedom can only be found within the heart, in the connection between our soul and Supersoul. Freedom is not political. Or economic. Or social. Freedom is not so cheap it can be found in a mob or on the internet.

The middle aged who work so hard to pay their bills and achieve their goals have no time for ideals like freedom. They have been put to sleep by the drug of progress and the drudgery of working to satisfy insatiable desires. To them freedom is sleeping.

For the aged and elderly who have become redundant and are pushed aside, they passively nurse their memories of good times and bad. They are told to distract themselves, accept their disappointments and remain quiet. Freedom for them is the very death they fear. At least death will give them another chance. But no one is dying voluntarily. We are all forced by nature to die.

So, where is freedom? Freedom is part of the very fabric of the soul. God gave us our freedom as an intrinsic quality of our self. It is freedom that gives us the opportunity to desire and pursue anything we want. Freedom allows us to exercise our will. Free will. In this world we use our free will to enjoy and control money, women, men, workers, citizens, autos, drugs, food, gold, fame. We use art and science to exercise our will and to lord over this endlessly mutable creation.

But finally, after many, many lifetimes, we realize the futility of our misuse of freedom. That is when we become receptive and receive the mercy of a saint or devotee. By his or her grace, we turn our attention to the Lord again. At that time, just before our soul fully awakens from its almost timeless sleep, the purpose of our freedom becomes realized. With hesitation at first, then later with single-minded will, we shall exercise our freedom to become students, servants, friends and lovers of our Beloved Prabhu.

Freedom comes to us in its perfected form as all-consuming love. It is a divine irony that full freedom, complete wisdom and voluntary slavery are interchangeable qualities when we become perfected in love. Freedom equals divine slavery equals love of God. Full freedom is found only when we fall in love with God. Freedom lovers.

The Only Medicine that Works

2008-12-10T01:59:00.008-06:00

Now that the terrorist attacks in Mumbai are gradually receding in the collective human consciousness, the puzzle remains how young boys, barely men, could be brainwashed into becoming mass murderers. The forces of fundamentalism -- using religious prejudice and misusing the words of God's prophets and messengers-- are today's fascism.

By appealing to popular desires, envy and prejudice, fundamentalist leaders of all persuasions -- Muslims, Christians, even Hindus -- mislead their followers, and create havoc for others who are complete strangers, innocent civilians caught in the crosshairs of Kali yuga.

It is a symptom of Kali that compassion is conspicuous by its absence. Pity the poor cows and bulls and other farm animals who have zero rights and who are tortured and murdered without any protest. And grieve for the innocent victims of terror attacks who are standing or sitting in the wrong place at the wrong time. None of us can say that we are free from the curse of Kali.

Harer nama, harer nama, harer nama eva kevalam..... only the holy names can nullify the miseries of the modern age. Only the chanting of divine names of God can pacify the heart. It's the only medicine that works.

That sounds simplistic and naive but it is based on the experiential evidence of genuine sadhus, fakirs and saints, and the transcendental words of wisdom found in all scriptures. God does not belong to anyone. Everyone belongs to God. And He is absolutely free from prejudice and therefore can be seen only by someone who is similarly pure in heart.

We are not sincere enough to appreciate the medicine we are offered. Instead we like to drink poison in the form of distractions, diplomacy and debate. Nevertheless, let us pray to become sincere. So that we can take the medicine and experience the cure. And taste the real sweetness and lightness that can be found beneath the heavy suffering of an iron age.

Punya Bhumi

2008-12-02T19:34:00.009-06:00

Big chaos, Small heroes

The terror attack on Mumbai ended at least 173 lives and created havoc and fear throughout the city, and via cable news, the world. But it also brought out acts of spontaneous heroism from unassuming persons. Like Vishnu Datta Ram Zende, the platform announcer at Victoria Terminus Railway Station. His job is to use the public-address system at Mumbai's largest railway station to direct rushing hordes of travelers to their trains. His voice is similar to voices that most of us have heard traveling across India on trains.

But last Wednesday just before 10 p.m., Mr. Zende became a lone rescue worker in a horrific situation. He heard a loud explosion and saw people being shot at and running across the platform. He gripped his microphone in his small control booth and calmly directed a panicked crowd toward the safest exit.

"Walk to the back and leave the station through Gate No. 1," he chanted alternately in Hindi and Marathi, barely stopping to take a breath until the platform was cleared. The gunmen, armed with AK-47 automatic weapons and hand grenades, located his announcement booth and fired at him, puncturing one of the windows. But they missed Mr. Zende who was not hurt.

As Mumbai faced a brutal and merciless attack by ten highly trained Pakistani militants shooting at random on everyone they came across, ordinary citizens like Mr. Zende displayed extraordinary grace and fearlessness. Many times, they did so at considerable personal risk, performing acts of heroism that went far beyond their job descriptions. Without their quick thinking and courage, the toll of the attacks would have been greater than the 173 confirmed deaths from the attacks.

At Victoria Terminus, the gunmen acted with a cool precision. They first struck the long-distance section of the station, spraying the large waiting hall with gunfire. Those waiting were about to board the slow, crowded, cheapest train to Varanasi, scheduled to depart at 11:55 pm, and most of the fatalities at the station happened here. Satya Sheel Mishra, who runs a second-floor restaurant called Re-Fresh Food Plaza, saw the two gunmen take their positions and fire. Seven bullets pierced his glass windows. Crouching on the ground, he saw the men shoot indiscriminately and then march toward the other side of the station, where Mr. Zende was making his announcements.

Zende saw the gunmen walk in front of his window which was one floor up from the train platforms. He crouched on the ground and heard them shoot. One bullet shattered the window. Above his microphone, a murti of Ganesh, the remover of obstacles, sat in a blue box with twinkling red lights around him. Saved because the gunmen did not climb the stairs to his announcement booth, Zende called his wife when the shooting stopped. "I am in the office. I'm safe. Don't worry."

He is one of many heroes who displayed noble qualities in the midst of bullets, death and panic. Many of us westerners who regularly visit India or who have lived there have come to appreciate the finer qualities of ordinary Indians. Despite so many ugly and distorted influences, Punya Bhumi, the land of spiritual culture, remains alive somehow. No matter how much under attack it becomes, whether from within its own borders-- by corrupt politicians or misguided religionists-- or from outside forces who envy and hate the Indians because they do not embrace their fundamentalism, the character of India's people still shines thru, as it did in some of the darkest hours last week in Mumbai.

Massacre in Mumbai

2008-11-27T20:15:00.005-06:00

As i write, the standoff between terrorists and Indian army commandos in Mumbai continues. Till now, more than 150 people have been killed, around 300 injured by the attacks. Yes, the remaining attackers will be killed, the body count of dead persons will go higher, the eyewitness accounts on 24/7 cable news stations will be told and retold, and the speculation about who may be responsible and how they did it will go on.

But behind the sheer horror of such barbaric and seemingly random acts of murder and chaos, what is the lesson to be learned? You will not get any underlying truths from the politicians' sound bites, the expressions of condemnation or the expert talking heads on cable tv. To get a clearer picture, we need to look at events thru the eyes of sastra.

The verse that first comes to mind is the famous padam padam ya vipadam natesam. Instead of Louis Armstrong's song, "What a Wonderful World," the reality is: What a Dangerous World this is. Anything can happen and in this world, it's often that it does. Shit happens here. You go to have dinner at a 5 star restaurant (as some were doing at the Taj and Oberoi Hotels in Mumbai yesterday evening), and without warning hand grenades are tossed, explosions go off and automatic rifles are firing rounds of deadly bullets in your direction. Who is shooting, who is dying, who is being injured, who is escaping unharmed?? In the chaos, all seems to be random, and all reason appears to be absent (although we know from sastra that everything follows nature's laws which includes the law of destiny or karma, and nature is under the control of Krishna). To the ignorant, which is basically everyone in the material world, life seems predictable, but this predictability is quite temporary and no one can predict how and when this life will end.

Another thought related to this tragic event is how this needless killing is a result of prejudice and brainwashing. My first reaction when i started seeing the unfolding drama on the internet and tv was to condemn the killers. But then i saw a photograph of one of the alleged terrorists who had attacked the VT train station in Mumbai. Most of the people he killed were innocent children, women and vendors who sell chai and snacks at the station. But this killer looked to be only around 20 years old, dressed in a t shirt and jeans, like he could have been a college student. What inspired such misplaced blind faith in him that he chose this path? For sure, it was the work of malicious hate-mongers who misuse the teachings of God to incite hopeless young men to think of themselves as martyrs and actually become murderers.

Fundamentalists of all religions are the best and worst at the offense of interpreting God's desires and His words to incite hatred, bigotry and violence to achieve not God's wishes, but their own perverted goals. How can anyone who claims to follow God not accept that everyone who has life, has God within him? How can they claim to be superior to others? How can they justify murdering other jivas, either in human form or animal form? How can one claim to act for the Father while making plans to destroy their Father's other children?

So brainwashed boys who still look like children, are inspired to kill innocents by their fundamentalist gurus. The secular societies are also ignorant about how to follow a divine system, a society based on equality and spiritual values. So they create sytems that breed injustice, greed and imbalances. These injustices are the nourishment of the envious fundamentalists. Ignorance on both sides. A world where everyone talks about freedom or truth or God, but no one listens to Him when he speaks or to his pure devotees when they appear. Everyone talks; no one listens.

The noise, both inside everyone's mind and outside in the geopolitical world, keeps getting louder and louder. It's the sound of danger. The only real protection in any dangerous situation, is the presence of God. In such dire times as these, we should remind one another of the promise of Mahaprabhu, that God is not different from his names. In fact, He is more accessible in his names than any other form. Unfortunately, i have no attraction for hearing his names. This is the real tragedy of the precarious times we live in.

Photos from the Dham

2008-11-21T23:48:00.003-06:00

Here are a few photo albums from my recent visit to Vrindavan.
Click on the slideshow, the title of this post, or type in the link: http://picasaweb.google.com/jauvana

Hairsplitting

2008-11-19T21:47:00.000-06:00

"Couper les cheveux en quatre"

I just received an email from a nice godbrother from France who read my India Journal here. He especially liked the descriptions about being generous with the ricksaw wallas, and he elaborated on that point with some examples from Srila Bhaktisiddhanta and Srila Prabhupada. How, for example, in Haridwara, there was a long line of beggars sitting in front of their bowls and Prabhupada had his disciples go and put a few paisas in each one of them.

This godbrother explained the reason he didn't leave his comment directly on my blog was because of the tendency for others--especially on the internet-- to immediately tear apart another's opinions. He cited a French expression: Couper les cheveux en quatre-- splitting hairs in four parts lengthwise-- to describe this phenomenon. It seems that today's devotees, instead of focusing on unity in diversity, which is the basis of spiritual life and of Lord Caitanya's acintya bedabeda tattva, focus on debating and trying to defeat, ad nauseam, those who do not think, look, speak or act like they do.

This hairsplitting is one of the pastimes of the material world. It represents the backside of God-- along with other forms of false lordship/ false friendship/ worship-me ship. That does not mean i am against being critical when there is due reason. Anyone who reads this blog knows that i don't hold any punches if i see injustice or incompetence on the part of so-called leaders. Tyranny and oppression need to be weeded out, whether they are found in governments or in religious societies.

But being critical for its own sake, to exhibit one's superiority, while avoiding a tolerant mood of reconciliation that could bring jivas together in one house-- in this case the biggest tent in the universe, devotees who want to liberate the world-- is madness.

Hairsplitting is a holier-than-thou pastime. It splits us away from Kesava, the controller of Brahma and Siva, the possessor of the most beautiful, fine Hair. And it turns us into caricatures of sadhus, not worthy of the name.

India Journal, Conclusion

2008-11-15T08:27:00.000-06:00

When i wake up i open the door to my room and walk out on the veranda, offering my pranams to the towers and cakras of the Imli Tala mandir within sight next door. The open courtyard of Yamuna Kunj has a net placed over the top of it, to protect it from becoming a monkey sanctuary. Monkeys run across it and they sometimes fight on it, using it as a bridge. Below in the garden is a tiny marble kund that is filled with water, some grass, a picnic table and on the brick wall, a painting of Yamuna devi. I have spent several months in this room on previous trips. This morning i realize i will be leaving Yamuna kunj and Vrindavan in a few hours.

I chant my rounds on the veranda, pacing back and forth. The early morning light and quiet with the sight of the cakras on top of Imli Tala make this a wonderful place to chant. Japa in this setting is effortless and immediately rewarding. Chanting on beads in Vrindavan is one of the opulences of Vrindavan. I read that some western devotees once approached Krishna das babaji, the great kirtaniya godbrother of Srila Prabhupada, to record his singing. They brought instruments and a tape recorder. It was ekadasi in Vrindavan. When requested, he declined to sing. He said, "tonight we shall chant without any distractions." And he began chanting japa. Vrindavan is perfect for such modest kirtan. There is no need of distractions, not even melody and rhythm.

Later in the morning i attend a Tirobhav (Disappearance day) festival for Srila Prabhupada at Vrinda Kunj. This is the day Prabhupada left us 31 years earlier and departed for Goloka Vrindavan. I was invited to speak at Iskcon but i am too negative towards the institution to speak there. They want to celebrate in their own sentimental way the fantasy that Iskcon still represents Prabhupada's legacy. They will never admit that they distorted his vision and drove away most of his disciples. I don't have the power or the purity to persuade them otherwise. Better to share my thoughts with a small group of devotees who are not victims or perpetrators of lies and envy.

There are four or five godbrothers who speak about Prabhupada at Vrinda Kunj, along with a few local Gaudiya math personalities. I am touched by the sincerity of the godbrothers. All of them had been in Iskcon, some more than 30 years. Now they are independent-- householder, vanaprastha, sannyasi. All keep Srila Prabhupada in the core of their hearts. Their allegiance and faithfulness is to him, not to a society. They are not blinded by politics. When their eyes finally open to transcendental reality, they will see Srila Prabhupada as he is.

They are not like those devotees who pretend to know Prabhupada while they focus on their narrow self interest. Such devotees are like those who pretend to be asleep. Try as you will, no one can awaken them. Shake them, shout, jump up and down, they continue their pretense of sleeping. But the honest disciples, even if they experience difficulty controlling their senses or depression due to lack of association, they will wake up when Prabhupada calls them. They are like the gopis who lost Krishna's darsan for some time, but will find him again by the intensity of their searching.

After the speaking program and puspanjali (offering of flowers to Prabhupada) we enjoy a satisfying (and not too spicy) feast. I stay after prasadam to sit with the godbrothers until things wind down. Then i go back to my room for one last tidying up. The books and clothing that i am keeping here i lock up in my almira, a large steel cupboard. An almira is very useful in India. Not only does it keep your things locked, but also keeps dust out of your things. I have already given extra keys to the room to the manager of Yamuna Kunj and the TP of Vrinda Kunj. Their guests can use this room when needed. I don't know when i'll return.

I find a ricksaw on the parikram marg and go up to Raman Reti. I still need to get a haircut. It's one of the simple pleasures of life in Vrindavan. The barbers are not fashion stylists; they are Brijbasis who make a meager living cutting hair and giving shaves with open razors. I find a barber and ask him for a trim. I explain it carefully otherwise he will think i want to shave up. The haircut takes all of 10 minutes. I offer him 40 rupees, at least twice the local rate, and he nods his head to signal his acceptance.

After taking a shower, i go for darsan at Iskcon. The deities look stunning with a rainbow assortment of flowers behind them. Deity worship is one area where Iskcon never compromised. They have taken this instruction of Prabhupada's seriously. I think it goes along with a kanista (neophyte) understanding that God is in the temple. Outside, between brothers and sisters, anything goes-- envy, greed, money, power, control, prestige, backstabbing. But inside the temple, everyone agrees, God is here. And gorgeously dressed today are the Vrindavan deities, an opulent feast for the eyes. During my darsan i bump into a godbrother who is friendly to me, Bhurijan. I also like him. He's a scholar and keeps his own counsel. He reminds me about the ceremony in Srila Prabhupada's quarters that takes place later this evening, and asks me if i'm going. I tell him i'm not going, but it reminds me that i have not yet been to Prabhupada's rooms this visit. I wish Bhurijan well and offer my obeisances to Krishna Balaram and Radha Syamasundar, walking to Prabhupada's quarters behind the temple.

My first visit to Vrindavan was in 1974, when the temple was under construction. There where some shacks here for a handful of devotees, an open pit where the temple foundation was being laid, and one room had been built-- the first room of what later became Srila Prabhupada's quarters. I was lucky enough to spend a few freezing days in February of that year when Prabhupada was visiting. He was here to oversee the construction which was not going well. His foreign disciples were unable to order the building materials and organize the work. Prabhupada needed to personally come here to tell them how to do things. In those days India was a quasi-socialist country. All requests for supplies of materials like bricks, concrete, etc. needed to go thru government agencies. Somehow Prabhupada knew what to do and whom to see, and he was the only one who knew. So he was acting as a mistry (contractor) to build his own temple. It was an especially cold winter month in Vrindavan when temperatures dropped below freezing and there was no heat available. I was also freezing there, sleeping on a stone cold floor in Fogel Ashram, the closest ashram that had rooms at the time. But Prabhupada's presence was more than enough warmth to keep me in Vrindavan for those days.

Srila Prabhupada was continuously teaching us that as spirit souls we have a loving relationship with Krishna. He was also always engaged in creating facilities for us to serve Krishna with devotion. He lived for these principles and that's what i remember about my times with him. The morning walks, the darsans and the talks in his room, everything centered on the philosophy of devotional service and nice dealings amongst devotees. Now as i enter Prabhupada's room, i try to go back to that time. It's difficult, because there are distractions. The room is decorated ceiling to floor with flowers. Prabhupada's bed where he left this world is a duvet of roses. An elaborate kirtan led by Aindra is going on. The room is filling up with visitors and devotees are being screened at the door to determine who can remain and who needs to exit. At the gate outside the room there is a metal detector and security guards.

In my mind, i flashback to the same room 34 years ago when life was a lot more simple in Vrindavan. The temple, a construction site, was way out in what seemed like the countryside. The road in front was made of sand and there was only one shop across the road. Inside his room, Prabhupada was sitting cross legged behind a low table, and 20 or so disciples were around him, listening to him speak. Even on the Abirbhav (Appearance Day) of his spiritual master-- which happened to be the centennial celebration of his birth (Srila Bhaktisiddhanta appeared at Puri in 1874), Srila Prabhupada did not make a big show. He simply asked Jamuna to cook a feast in the kitchen and he called all his disciples, regardless of their positions (even me!), into his room, and asked us to sit with him as he spoke about our relationship with Krishna. His informal class went on for several hours that morning. During that time, Ravi Shankar and George Harrison stopped by to see him, unannounced. Without skipping a beat or asking any of us to leave, Prabhupada handled them expertly, making both of them feel welcome. He had Guru das feed George some samosas in the kitchen, even before the offering had been made. And when Ravi and George departed after their brief visit, Prabhupada continued talking with us as if there had been no interruption.

Now, 34 years later, the pomp and ritual in the room make the Prabhupada i remember difficult to place in this setting. I offer my dandavats in front of his murti, and get up to leave. It's the memory i want to keep, not the ceremony. For Iskcon, the spectacle has become the thing. For Prabhupada, it was his mission to wake us up to our real nature. I don't think he liked the pageantry, especially if it became a replacement for his message. The essence of his life was to speak about Krishna and to give us the vision to make us all mad after Krishna, like he was.

From Prabhupada's room, i walk quickly to my storage room, next to Radhapati's apartment. Radhapati and i meet and we talk as i fine tune my packing. I'm taking five pieces of luggage. I hope they will allow me to carry three on the plane. Otherwise i will need to pay. Whatever happens at the airport, at least i want to be within the weight limit. Using a hand scale that Kurma Rupa lent me the other day, i lift the heavy bags, while Radhapati bends down to read the kilo weight on the small metal scale. The bags weigh around 24 kgs, just a kilo over the limit. We wonder about the accuracy of the hand scale. It's probably meant for weighing straw for Kurma's cows. We laugh about it, but this is Vrindavan, and you use what you have.

Radhapati and i talk until around 8 pm, and then, knowing he takes rest early, i say goodbye to him. I try to relax, although waiting for a taxi to take you on a 3.5 hour ride to the airport with all this luggage is stressful. Downstairs i tell the chokidhar (guard) the taxi will come in an hour or so, just to prepare him. I had called Gopal das, the oldest and most reliable taxi walla in Vrindavan, to book a taxi. He has been meeting me at the airport and dropping me off for more than 10 years. He has Ambassador cars, the white work horse that was practically the only model in India for 45 years, before the motorcar culture exploded here. It's a heavy car with a 50s style and roundness to it. It's still my favorite.

Right on time, at 9:30, Gopal's driver shows up in a white Ambassador. I start bringing the bags downstairs and together we pack up the car. The two large bags just fit into the boot (trunk). The front seat is loaded with my harmonium, one guitar and a backpack. One last check and we take off. I sit alone, behind the driver, as we slowly pull away on a dark, back road leading out of Vrindavan.

India Journal, Part 12

2008-11-14T20:11:00.000-06:00

I wake up Saturday morning thinking that only two more mornings remain. Throughout this visit i have been aware of how limited (10 days) my time is in Vrindavan, and this economy of time has made me more appreciative. Today, however, my appreciation turns into melancholy when i realize that i will soon be on my way to the airport and back to the West.

I have been assembling the things i plan to bring back with me in a storage room located next to Radhapati's apartment. This gives me an oppotunity to have an ongoing dialogue with Radhapati. But today i can no longer put off the inevitable packing up and talk. To make things worse, i will be traveling heavy back to the US: three guitars that i had brought to India over the years (which are gradually getting ruined by the extreme temperature and humidity changes), a harmonium, a bag full of clothing, books, devotional stuff, plus a backpack filled with a video camera, digital recorder, still camera and other semi-valuables. To save money, i asked the luggage walla in Loi Bazaar to custom-make a black canvas carrying bag for me. I brought the hard guitar cases to the shop so the tailor can measure them to make the canvas bag large enough to fit both cases. I will place both guitars in their cases and tape the cases together with Gorilla duct tape (very sticky stuff). Then i will place the tapped cases into the black canvas bag and check in both guitars as one piece of luggage. That's my plan.

But now i have no energy for packing so i take a ricksaw to Rupa's Sandipani Muni School to see the kids one more time, during their morning program. I take my camera and almost immediatly i'm taking portraits at the request of the boys. The girls are shy, but the boys have no inhibition about getting their pictures taken. (I will upload some of these photos soon and will include the web address where they are located in a future post.)

After the morning program at the school i force myself back to the storage room to sort thru my things and begin the packing process. It takes me the rest of the morning. I have been a gypsy my whole adult life. I have not stayed in one place. I must have lived in 60 places in the past 40 years. This has given me a kind a forced detachment in terms of place. But also a kind of weariness. Whenever i pack up now this sadness appears, and all the more when it means i'm leaving the dham.

In the afternoon i go to see Manjari at her MVT apartment. We have a good friendship now and i consider myself fortunate to have been close with her for so many years. She is a unique person and a devout bhakta. But it is difficult to reconcile a failed marriage, no matter how friendly it is. It is hard not to find fault or relive regrets. In some states, they have "no-fault" auto insurance. I'm not sure what that means, but there should be something similar for marriages. After all, everyone enters their vows with the best of intentions and highest of hopes. And after 5, 10, 20, 30 or 40 years, either by commission or omission (by infidelity or by death) it ends in disappointment. It's a law of nature underlined by a disposable society. One jiva who was a source of happiness for another becomes a source of grief. When we hear the great personalities discuss this topic in the Bhagavatam, we see that sometimes even they experience these changes and feel bewildered by them.

It's all part of the cosmic wheel that keeps us spinning around. Destiny, the hand of providence, is the mover and shaker! Shakin' that tree ("i"). Causin' that grief ("me"). Makin' us cry ("mine"). But, it's not really i, me, mine. It's destiny. Destiny drives a hard bargain. To experience suffering. To become exhausted. And finally, to chase after and embrace my connection with Sri Guru and the pure vaisnavas with a full heart. Hey vaisnava thakur! Only you can relieve me from this burden of samsara.

I go back to the storage room to complete my packing. Tomorrow is my last day in Vrindavan, and i don't want to spend it packing up. Kesava Maharaj, a nice sadhu godbrother who preaches in Latin America, comes by to say hello to Radhapati while i'm packing. We all sit down in the storage room for a chat. His presence along with Radhapati makes me feel less sad about leaving Vrindavan. When he gets up to leave we all hug each other and wish each other good fortune. When someone is a genuine devotee, i don't feel envious or uncomfortable in their presence. I feel a lightness in my own being, a contact high, a hopeful spirit. That's what sadhu sanga is. It's not a performance. It's a matter of the heart.

India Journal, Part 11

2008-11-13T12:45:00.000-06:00

Yamuna Kunj is a beautifully preserved 19th century bath house for Hindu Queens who took their baths in the Yamuna, when the holy river formerly flowed in front of it. It was purchased by Paramadwaiti Swami in a state of complete disrepair and he and one of his disciples renovated it while keeping its classic elegance. It's now an ashram for an odd assortment of brahmacaries, vanaprasthas and sannyasis who are friends or followers of Paramadwaiti's mission.

I stop off in Loi Bazaar on my way back to my room at Yamuna Kunj. I'm looking for peacock feathers, conchshell eyes and jewelry for my Giriraj sila, in the bazaar where murti wallas and jari wallas have their storefronts or in some cases, simple stalls. It's a pleasure to shop for God, much more fun than for myself. I also enjoy the human exchanges with the shopkeepers. No impersonal dealings here. At the bazaar i realize that i'm running out of rupees, so i find a money changer to exchange $200, enough rupees for the rest of my trip plus some extra. I'm taking excess baggage back with me to the US, and it may cost me at the airport. The money changer gives me the daily exchange rate of 48.20 for one dollar, down a bit from last week. I agree to the rate and give him my dollars. He starts counting out 9640 rupees with 100 rupee notes. I stop him and explain i don't want to carry 96 pieces of currency with me. I want 500 rupee notes which have been standard currency in India for several years. He doesn't have 500 rupee notes he apologizes. How can you not have them, i reply, currency is your business. After some prodding, he insists he is out of 500 rupee notes. I feign anger and demand my dollars back. He tries to calm me down by promising "to find" some 500 rupee notes. We finally agree on a compromise: 7500 in 500 notes (15 pieces) and the balance of 2100 in 100s (21 pieces). All the notes are counted twice by him and once again by me. Rather than end the transaction on a positive note, he sarcastically lets me know that i was aggressive to demand the 500 rupee notes: So, are you satisfied now? he asks. Yes, I say, packing the bills away in my money belt, mentally deciding to avoid him if i need more rupees. Being personal cuts both ways.

I meet a Swedish godbrother and fellow musician, Raivata, in front of Prabhupada's samadhi and we go for lunch together. He lives in rural Sweden, almost like a hermit. Still he meets young people and has brought several young Swedes to Krishna consciousness. He tells them he cannot recommend a guru, but he develops friendships and instills the spiritual practice in them. I admire him for that. After lunch we both get on a ricksaw and meet Paramadwaiti Swami and a group of mostly Latin devotees for Harinam.

Maharaj is in a jovial mood, and he leads the group to the nearby Gopinath Gaudiya Math, the Vrindavan base of the late Bhakti Premode Puri Maharaj who lived to be over 100. The temple is charming: the presiding deity is Lord Balaram who is known as Dauoji in his deity form here. Dauoji is a marble vigraha who has been in Vrindavan for several hundred years. He shares the altar with a large Giriraj, making this an unusual Mandir. We have a lively kirtan in front of the deities, while the Bengali pujaris offer everyone leaf cups with guava and banana prasadam.

From Dauoji, the kirtan makes its way thru the lanes of old Vrindavan to another little known temple of Narasinga dev. The pujari and his children know Paramadwaiti and run ahead of the kirtan party to unlock the temple and let us in. According to the pujari, this is the only deity of Lord Narasinga in Vrindavan. He was discovered 150 years ago in the Yamuna. The temple is quite simple and basic but the deity is nicely dressed. It is a bit of a shock to see Narasingha dev in Vrindavan, a feeling of awe and reverence, although i'm sure He has his own pastimes here.

When the kirtan party moves on, i somehow get separated from them. I don't mind, as i want to complete the shopping i started earlier in the day, and Loi Bazaar is walking distance. I have only 48 hours left in Vrindavan, and i need to use the remaining time efficiently. I stay in the Bazaar until 8 pm and then take a ricksaw back to my room. By the time i reach there, i'm tired from a long day. I unzip my mosquito net and climb inside. I may not be doing much bhajan here, but just lying down and drifting off to sleep in Vrindavan, next to Imli Tala on the Parikram marg, feels more holy to me than anything i do in the West.

India Journal, Part 10

2008-11-12T09:00:00.000-06:00

During lunch at the Food for Life Restaurant (near Lalita Ashram on the Parikram Marg), an Italian devotee offers us a box of sweets. I indulge in a couple of burfi and pushing my luck, a rasagulla. Later that nite, my throat becomes sore and chocked with mucous. The next morning i'm sick-- low fever, sneezing, symptoms of a full blown cold. Indian microbes have no mercy on western bodies. They are serious about their business. We are sitting ducks for them. So i fast all day, no appetite anyway. I need a low key day. Chanting and resting.

The following morning i feel well enough to get up and visit my favorite temples. I have only a few days left in Vrindavan and i have not yet had darshan. I find a very humble riscksaw walla and ask him to take me to Radha Damodar. I leave my shoes in the ricksaw and go inside. After obeisances and having darshan of Radha Damodar (and a collection of other deities: Radha Chalchikan, Radha Madhava, Radha Vrindavan Candra, Lalita Devi) and a giant black stone that the pujaris show only when someone offers a donation --they claim Lord Krishna gave this sila to Sanatan Goswam to circumambulate in his old age, and also claim the sila has the footprint and flute print of Lord Krishna melted in it-- i quickly go to Srila Prabhupada's room.

There has been a big controversy over Prabhupada's rooms at Radha Damodar. Iskcon was negligent about paying rent on the rooms; the Goswamis kept raising the rent. Iskcon made a grand plan to renovate the rooms and in the midst of their planning, the Goswamis tricked them and got possession of the rooms. The police came, Iskcon protested and finally it went to district court where Iskcon lost possession of the rooms, except for doing seva on alternate months. Then, Narasinga Swami (formerly Jagat Guru) who has his own mission based in Karnataka, somehow became involved with the Goswamis. So the simple peaceful place i used to visit, greeted by a godbrother from Hyderabad who cooked and cleaned and was pujari in these rooms for 10 years, is no more. I enter Prabhupada's room and after paying my obeisances, i'm greeted by an unknown western devotee who asks me, in a forced friendly manner: "Where are you from?" Without thinking, i respond: "What difference does it make where i'm from?" He says: "Well it helps to know where you're from in order to be personal." I reply: "I didn't come here to be personal. I came to offer my respects to my spiritual master." He gets the hint and graciously leaves the room, allowing me a few minutes alone with Prabhupada's murti. I don't stay long. The atmosphere is not the same as before. The walls are painted and it's clean, but there's an edge in the room that makes me uncomfortable. It's become someone's collection spot.

From Radha Damodar i get back on the ricksaw and want to go to Radha Raman. But Radha Shyamasundar Mandir (the deities of Shyamananda Prabhu) is just down the lane, and the ricksaw walla kindly reminds me of Them. So i enter the open courtyard of the temple and have darshan of these very beautiful, large deities, still in their early morning clothing. Some ladies are singing Hindi bhajans with the high-pitched female voices one hears in India. The pujari is relaxed and allows me to take photos of the deities. I leave a small donation and go back to the ricksaw. We proceed past Loi Bazaar and around Nidhuvan, a mysterious walled area that no one enters at nite, and arrive at Radha Raman Mandir. This is one of the favorite temples in Vrindavan. Radha Raman is self-manifest from a salagram sila that was worshipped by Gopala Bhatta Goswami. The Goswami was originally from Sri Rangam in Tamil Nadu, and Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu was his father's guest for four months when he toured South India. Later, Mahaprabhu asked him to move to Vrindavan, and the charming temple he built with first class puja for Radha Raman, reflects his South Indian brahminical upbringing. The deity worship is going on uninterrupted for 450 years. In the evenings classical musicians come here to play their instruments for Radha Raman, and a few vocalists sing bhajans in the improvisational style known as Drupada. Arotik is a community affair with a priest banging a loud gong and local Brijbasis shouting praises to Radha Raman.

Radha Raman jui is kind to me. At least he lets me pray to Him to allow me to return to Vrindavan, and has always granted me that prayer. He is the Chief Immigration Officer of Vrindavan for me. Just outside the temple, i walk thru a courtyard surrounded by apartments that house the many families who are descendents of the original pujaris. They have the right to live inside the temple complex and each have a turn doing temple seva. Padmanabha Goswami is the most well known of these sevaites to western devotees. His late father was a friend to Srila Prabhupada. Some mornings Prabhupada would walk to Radha Raman from his room at Radha Damodar and have darshan and visit with Padmanabha's father.

Around the side of the temple courtyard is the samadhi of Gopal Bhatta Goswami. It is nicely maintained by a small group of older babas who are bearded and dreadlocked. They are always friendly to me. The front door to the room containing the samadhi has a special bolt to secure the door from being pried open by monkeys, who hang out in abundance in the courtyard. Sometimes the babas let a cow into the samadhi area but monkeys are strictly unwelcome guests.

Despite my cold, i continue to visit several more temples this morning. The body really troubles us when the mind is unengaged. Experiencing pain and pleasure in this world is more a function of mind than body. That does not mean the body has no reality. But the mind is a higher reality and therefore controls the experience of the body. All reality is subjective, and the highest subject for us is our relationship with God. So when one experiences the Ultimate Subjective Reality, lower realities become insignificant and tolerable.

After visiting a Hanuman temple i had never seen before, across from Lal Babu Mandir, i land up at Vrinda Kunj, the ashram of my godbrother, Paramadwaiti Swami in the old section of Vrindavan. He tells me that this afternoon he will be taking his group out on nagar kirtan thru Vrindavan. That's always a treat for me. I tell him i will try to make it and take off for my room to get some rest.

India Journal, Part 9

2008-11-11T11:35:00.000-06:00

On Govardhan puja, i have lunch with Radhapati at a restaurant operated by Food for Life. Food for Life Vrindavan was developed originally as an Iskcon project run from the Krishna Balaram Mandir by Rupa Ragunath. Rupa is another old friend of mine-- i call him the Mother Theresa of Vrindavan. He is an empowered devotee. Starting with a kitcherie program served to poor families at Prabhupada's Samadhi 15 years ago, it grew to include Vrindavan clean up crews, Braj village water projects, self sufficiency training for women, and finally free schools for children, especially girls, who previously could not afford school. These kids would stay at "home," which often consists of no more than a few plastic sheets held down by bricks, loiter and beg in the streets. Rupa understood that to offer them a hot meal is not enough to change their lives and give them hope. So he persuaded some friends in London to donate seed money and he built a school for Vrindavan's poor kids. The government wasn't helping, nor were the wealthy temples or philanthropists. There was a great need and Rupa took it as an opportunity to serve the Brijbasis.

As the program became successful, Iskcon wanted to control the funding and decision-making. Never mind that Rupa, who single-handedly raised the money from international donors and personally built, staffed and managed the school, understood the needs of the project. No, if there was credit to be had, Iskcon wanted to control it (and potentially ruin it). Rupa did not agree. So Iskcon booted him out of the Krishna Balaram Mandir and cut him off from their congregations.

For Rupa, who is one of the most effective managers i've ever met, that was liberating. Rather than destroy or demoralize him, it pushed him to increase his activities. Sandipani Muni School now has two campuses that provide for 1,000 kids. (Two thirds of them are girls. Rupa favors girls for admittance because they are especially abused or neglected by their poor parents.) The kids receive free transportation (on a Bullock cart) to and from school, free nutritious meals of prasadam, school uniforms, books and supplies, a full curriculum of studies, an on-site nurse, a computer lab and a performing arts school for classical Indian music and dance. The kids start each day with a morning program of prayers, kirtan, dancing and arotik attended by all the students and teachers.

Rupa is also building a hospital to serve the local Brajbasi villagers. He takes me to the construction site a few kilometers away on the back of his motorcycle. He goes thru the site and personally gives instructions to the mistry (local contractor) and workers who are from nearby villages. It's a struggle to get the workers to meet Rupa's standards. But when completed next spring, the hospital will be the cleanest, most modern medical facility in the district. It has its own power supply, water supply and even an organic garden to provide patients with fresh vegetables.

Rupa and Radhapati are friends and Radhapati serves as a trustee on Rupa's school board. Rupa is a great doer. In one of the more dysfunctional places in the world, UP India, Rupa amazes me with his ability to get things done. He is never intimidated by anything. Radhapati is also a fighter but more focused on the internal, a self-critical observer. Although their personalities could not be more distinct, they are both righteous without being proud, uncorrupted in their intentions, compassionate and selfless in their actions. Both are godly and both have been purged from Iskcon for being themselves and benefiting Brijbasis on behalf of Srila Prabhupada. While Krishna must be blessing them, Iskcon bans them. Let Iskcon keep its temples, its money, its men and influence and popularity in India. I will take the friendship of Rupa and Radhapati over Iskcon any day. Seeing them gives me hope. It brings me relief to see there are devotees who can rise above cynicism and pretense and pettiness. They are an antidote to the poison that pervades Iskcon.

Another godbrother living in Vrindavan in this rare circle of down-to-earth saintly souls is Kurma Rupa. He's also been a resident of the dham for several decades now. He was a gurukul teacher and a graphic designer who left Iskcon more than 10 years ago but remained in Vrindavan. One day he was wondering what to do to justify staying in the dham. As wonderful and sweet as it is, Vrindavan is tough as nails. Unless you are serving the dham, there is no generosity or license for any offenses. Kurma was lying on a hammock thinking about his future when an abandoned cow came up to him and started to lick his freshly shaved head. That gave him the inspiration to start an orphanage for injured and abused cows in Vrindavan. Care for Cows was born. He now provides a home for 150 cows, calves and bulls that would have no shelter without Kurma's goshalla. These cows and bulls have become his family. He spends $150 per day to maintain them. That's more than $50,000 per year, all from donations.

The morning after Govardhan puja, Radhapati brings me to Kurma's house. It's a small home built by an architect devotee in Madhubhan Colony, just past Raman Reti. The atmosphere on the veranda is ideal. We sit on straw mats looking at the garden which has a pleasing campak tree and several healthy tulasi bushes. The walls are washed with lime to keep it cool during the severe summers. There is also an underground room which provides relief from the heat in summer and the short but intense cold season. Kurma Rupa is another unique individual who has found a way to stay in Vrindavan dham, contributing to the welfare of its residents, without depending on institutional support. He tells me how satisfied he feels on an emotional level from his work with the cows. I hear him and believe him, but for me it's only intellectual.

However, Srila Prabhupada confirms what Kurma is describing. For example, in a lecture in Vrindavan on Nov. 10, 1976, Prabhupada spoke: "Nobody is prepared to become brahmana, and so far cow protection is concerned, it is in the oblivion. This is the whole world position. Therefore it is in chaotic condition." What Kurma is experiencing is how on a personal level cow protection can satisfy one's mind. If that culture could be replicated on a social level, it could bring real peace to the world. Without protecting cows, children and the elderly, there is no way the world will become peaceful. But how far we are from that, when the so-called religious institutions are either openly supporting slaughter houses (as in Christian, Muslim and Jewish societies) or just giving lip service to cow protection, as the Hindus are doing, and even Iskcon is doing. Keep the vyasasans, guys. You missed the essence and you're hopelessly caught up in politics. You should be ashamed of your inability to set an example. Kurma Rupa on his own is showing us the meaning of what Srila Prabhupada taught us.

Kurma also makes another interesting point. He still does some graphic design projects on the side, and is working on the design of a book that he says will be published next year by the BBT. (Finally something other than concocted revisions of Prabhupada's original books.) It's a collection, Kurma tells us, of Srila Prabhupada's poetry, which he wrote before his arrival in the US. The main theme running thru the poetry, Kurma says, is Prabhupada's criticism of his godbrothers for mismanaging their guru maharaj's mission since Srila Bhaktisiddhanta's departure in 1937. Sound familiar? The very thing that Iskcon finds most offensive-- when godbrothers criticize the GBC for their idiotic and incompetent leadership-- is the main theme found in our guru maharaj's own poetry. Poetry he wrote when he lived in Vrindavan as a vanaprastha and sannyasi. I wonder if any of the current leaders will connect the dots after reading Prabhupada's poetry, but quickly realize they will not. The current generation of leaders will die with their misconceptions. It will be a new generation who gets to clean out the rot on the inspiration of Caitanya Mahaprabhu.

Kurma offers me a small cup of kheer (sweet rice) he has cooked with milk from his cows. It tastes like nectar. We sit there on his veranda sharing stories for a couple of hours until he looks at his watch and tells us he needs to get moving. There is a shortage of straw in Vrindavan, a staple food for his cows, and he needs to make some calls to ensure tomorrow's food supply. We get up to leave and Kurma walks us to the front door. Just outside, three cows are waiting. I guess word is out in the cow community. This vedeshi (foreigner) is a real brahman. Love has no limits.

India Journal, Part 8

2008-11-10T19:02:00.000-06:00

On the main road walking thru Loi Bazaar i run into my godbrother and friend, Radhapati das. Radhapati is a one-of-a-kind sadhu who lives in Vrindavan. He has been here for the past 18 years. He is one of the most honest men i know, in addition to one of the most disciplined and individualistic. He was a medic in Vietnam, where he saw, felt and touched repeated death and destruction close up. Many men died in his arms. A lot of his contemporaries were scarred for life by similar experiences with PTSD. Posttraumatic stress disorder is an anxiety disorder from exposure to terrifying events that threatened or caused grave physical harm. It is a severe and ongoing emotional reaction to an extreme psychological trauma.

Seeing Radhapati wander the streets and lanes of Vrindavan, wearing kajal (black eye ointment), a white turban, lungi, giant tulasi beads around his neck and a large shopping bag full of candy that he passes out to Braj kids, one would never imagine the horrors he experienced 40 years ago as a teenage medic in Vietnam. Every morning he walks barefoot thru Vrindavan (not so easy anymore when even the parikram marg is paved over with rough asphalt), calling out: Jai Jamuna Maharani! Jai Prabhupada! Jai Krishna Balaram! When the local children respond he reaches into his bag and pulls out lollipops and hard candy. The poor kids are his "market" and every one in town knows him. Sometimes fathers or mothers reach out for the candy to give to their kids, and he knows everyone of them. "Street sweeper with lots of kids" he tells me when one mustached man pauses in front of us, smiles and holds out his hands.

Radhapati takes me to what looks like a chai shop just around the corner from Loi Bazaar. Shyam, the proprietor, greets him. They are good friends. Radhapati has helped him and his family out of some serious jams over the years. I didn't know about this place, but they make subji, roti, rice and dhal-- 25 rupees for a complete thali. That's up from 12 rupees just a couple of years ago. But the preparations look sattvic. It's probably the best "restaurant" in town. We sit and talk. Radhapati insists he has no qualification to live in Vrindavan. But he has a gig here. He spends $100 of his own money every month to purchase candy to distribute. "The kids chant with me and glorify the dham, then they get some candy. It's a way of training them, reminding them, about their own spiritual culture."

For Radhapati, who has western sensibilities, it's a stretch to live in Vrindavan. He does not fit in with the locals, although they respect him, appreciate him and offer him food or whatever they have. Nor does he feel comfortable hanging out with the western devotees. He is here because he lost his ambition for living in the West and he decided to make a stand. He has a small apartment in Raman Reti where he takes rest every evening at 8 pm and gets up around 2 in the morning to chant and read. He does not go to the Iskcon temple at all these days. A recording of Srila Prabhupada chanting japa is continuously playing. "I get tired of everything. Except Prabhupada's voice. That's my one and only shelter," he says.

I have great affection for Radhapati. We have become good friends during my numerous visits and stays in the dham. When i come to Vrindavan, i bring him a bar of white chocolate from the West, and we have long conversations. He does what i cannot do: he stays and serves in the holy dham. It's not easy for him, but he has exceptional perseverance. And, like most western vaisnavas who manage to remain in Vrindavan, he created his own unique way to serve the Brijbasis. Such a great soul is very rare.

Radhapati is not someone who follows the crowd or who seeks anyone's approval. He stopped talking the talk a while back. Now he lives in Vrindavan just to walk his walk. That trek could well be his ticket home.

India Journal, Part 7

2008-11-09T19:59:00.000-06:00

In Vrindavan, every day to me feels like ekadasi. That is, i feel the intensity of my anarthas more than usual when i'm in Vrindavan. This creates a sometimes extraordinary pressure within me. At times i can say that feeling is mentally excruciating, like living inside a pressure cooker. Then why do i keep returning to Vrindavan? Because that severe, stabbing sensual force is balanced and outweighed by the attraction and beauty of the land, the animals, the deities and the people of Vrindavan. Heavy mind balanced by light heart, and in Vrindavan, the heart always wins.

For me, experiencing Vrindavan means to watch the sideshow of my egoistic mind who wants like anything to enjoy, to be recognized, to be served. It means to observe this illusory parade and feel uncomfortable by it, while making small breakthroughs to a higher reality. With darshans, with lots of japa that is more natural and easier, with prayers to the pervasive divine personalities who can be found in the old and new temples, Vrindavan is a living course in becoming tolerant, offering respect and always remembering Hari Kirtan. It is the ultimate humbling experience.

India Journal, Part 6

2008-11-09T01:24:00.000-06:00

They say a picture is worth a thousands words. In Vrindavan it's worth more than that. And faces are worth even more. The faces of Brijbasis, those souls who by coincidence, choice or sukriti, reside in Vrindavan, offers blessings to visitors. They are not sages and saints, the vast majority of dham residents, but i would rather look at the face of the lowest Brijbasi than the most glamorous actors of Hollywood or Bollywood. Eye candy can tease the mind but it gives no nourishment for the soul. It actually distracts the soul, while Brijbasis do not always look nice, but their faces somehow nourish my soul.

For me, the faces of Brijbasis offer a sense of wonder, piety, intuition, spiritual fortune and dignity in distress. I don't see (and cannot judge) who is a sadhu or not. I discount most of the westerners like myself who are more or less spiritual "tourists" in Vrindavan. Sometimes i appreciate the western devotees in Vrindavan and sometimes i find them disturbing, out of sync with its reality. The Delhi wallas who come and go are more upsetting, creating traffic jams with their middle class cars, trying to enjoy a pious outing, like customers at a spiritual disneyland. But the Brijbasis who are born there or who have adopted Vrindavan as their home, offer me something i have not found elsewhere: a sense of home comfort-- despite the fact that i will always remain a foreigner to them and Vrindavan will always remain an exotic, exalted and challenging place for me.

I wander around Vrindavan with an improvised purpose. Sometimes to have darshan of the beautiful, powerful and historic deities who are enshrined all over town, sometimes to shop for particular needs, sometimes to meet with an old friend. Often, these purposes merge as i meet someone or run into a transcendental event quite by chance on my way somewhere. One day i was looking for silver and gold items. I wanted to purchase gifts for a few relatives and friends. I always go to a very reliable silver walla who has a small shop on Atkambar Road, which intersects the road to Loi Bazaar near Banki Behari temple. The shopkeeper's name is Ram Niwas. His late father, who started the shop, was named Gopal Das. Thus the shop's name: Gopal Das Ram Niwas. It's one of my favorite places to shop in Vrindavan and Ram Niwas is as nice a Brijbasi as i know. Many evenings i have seen him attending arotik at Radha Raman Mandir, about one kilometer from his shop. He is always polite, warm and gracious, and in his shop, he is never pushy, condescending or tricky. He is someone i like to meet with every visit, even if i don't have anything to purchase.

I am in his shop looking at gold and silver items. He sits cross legged behind a glass counter on a raised platform covered with white sheets. I sit on bench overlooking the counter. Although there are tens of thousands of dollars worth of gold and silver jewelry in the shop, there are no alarms and no guards in the small store. (Can you imagine that in the West?) Hopefully it can remain that way. Today i notice a huge commotion on the narrow Atkambar Road in front of the shop. I ask Ram Niwas what is happening. He explains that there is a feast today for Hanuman, who has the smallest of temples-- a deity of the great monkey devotee is inlaid on a wall, covered by an iron grating-- just opposite the silver shop. It is Govardhan puja today, and the priests of the wall temple have arranged an opulent feast for Hanumanji, who once offered his respects and blessings to Govardhan Hill. Hanuman is covered, except for his eyes, in silver foil. Tables are set up right in front of him on the street filled with hundreds of different varieties of savories and sweets. Passerbys carry on as an arotik starts, gongs and bells ring out, foot traffic becomes jammed (rickshaws are temporarily banned from this section of the road), as i sit just 10 feet away, looking at silver items inside the shop.

Now i understand how Ram Niwas got his name. His father, a devotee of Krishna, named him in honor of Lord Ram and Hanuman, whose auspicious presence is just opposite their shop. Business and worship are not necessarily in conflict in Vrindavan. Days later, when i return to the shop to pay my bill, Ram Niwas offers me this as a farewell: "I hope you return to Vrindavan soon." Coming from his lips, i don't take it as business but as a blessing.

I walk down to Loi Bazaar from the silver shop, a short 8 minute walk. I am having a set of japa beads restrung at one of the bead shops. In the West, no one knows how to string tulasi beads, and my japa beads have been broken for 6 months. My friend and godbrother, Ananda Swarup from Amsterdam, who preached in India during Prabhupada's Iskcon days, advised me to ask for "parachute thread" to restring my beads. I tell the bead walla, another familiar face whose hair has turned white over the years, to use parachute thread, and he immediately understands my request. I repeat it once or twice, until i hear him say "parachute thread" just to make sure he really hears me and will do it correctly. The regular thread breaks easily but parachute thread is nylon and lasts a long time. The bead walla tells me the cost will be 40 rupees (less than $1) and my mala will be ready tomorrow. I happily agree. A nice japa mala is worth more than its weight in gold, if one actually chants Hari Nama on it. When i come to collect the beads the next day, the mala is perfect. He has also replaced four beads that were cracked (meaning they could fall off anytime) and has carefully counted the mala to make sure it has 108 beads. He charges an extra 10 rupees for the four new beads, a discount from the current price, he says. Even tulasi beads have become expensive by Indian standards. Inflation must be in double digits in India now.

When i ask the bead merchant if he will guarantee the restrung beads, he gives me an answer i don't expect. "Only God can guarantee," he says. "But they should be good for 3-4 years." An interesting mix of philosophy and Indian business tactics that makes me laugh out loud.

India Journal, Part 5

2008-11-07T12:17:00.000-06:00

Vrindavan is crowded during Kartik. Sometimes the traffic near Krishna Balarama Mandir or further down the main road creates gridlock. All it takes is one or two buses or tempos to stop in the middle of the road. The "shortcut" to Loi Bazaar is via the Bengali neighborhood where the Madan Mohan temple is located. That area is especially historic. The hill on which the original Madan Mohan temple was built is Dwadash Aditya Teela, the place where Lord Krishna rested and warmed up under 12 suns after dancing on Kaliya's heads.

I heard that there were three reasons why Krishna spared the life of Kaliya. First, although he had no interest in bhakti, he permitted his wives, who were devotees, to continue their devotional activities and to see Krishna's pastimes on the banks of the Yamuna. Second, those vaisnavi wives prayed on Kaliya's behalf to Krishna. When Krishna was defeating Kaliya, the wives were at first indifferent to his fate. But when Kaliya realized he was going to die, he repented and it was then that his wives felt compassion for him and asked Krishna to protect him. Finally, once Kaliya had eaten another snake that had been intended as a sacrifice for Garuda. Garuda become angry at this, and brushed Kaliya with his wings, which caused Kaliya to be thrown back. Because of that passing contact with Garuda, Kaliya was purified, and had become eligible for further mercy from the Lord. These things were told to me by Manjari, my former wife, during this visit to Vrindavan. I don't have any sastric reference.

Back on the hill where Madan Mohan mandir is located, the view of the Yamuna in the distance is very nice. Fields of yellow mustard dot the flood plain. Green parrots can be seen flying from treetop to treetop. Next to the old temple is the bhajan kutir where Srila Sanatan Goswami did his bhajan. I also heard that our Srila Prabhupada, when he was a young householder, spent one week here, during his first visit to Vrindavan, doing his own kirtan. This was a few years before he took initiation from his guru maharaj, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Thakur.

Down from the hill and old temple that was later desecrated by soldiers of Arungzeb, a few meters around a back lane is the entrance to Srila Sanatan Goswami's samadhi. Sanatan was much loved by the local Brijbasis as a baba, and at times he would wander from village to village and the villagers would treat him as a family member. He would enter a village and spend only one nite, listening to the everyday problems of the villagers and offering them advice. The next morning they would beg him to stay for at least one more day, but he would move on to the next village. When Sanatan Goswami left his body, many of the Brijbasi men who heard about his passing shaved their heads, as they did when their own fathers died.

It's here in this garden-like setting where Rupa Goswami, Sanatan's younger brother, who accepted Sanatan as his guru, put him in samadhi. Sanatan Goswami helps us to establish our eternal relationship (sambandha) with Krishna. He is the senior of the Six Goswamis whom were sent to excavate Vrindavan and reestablish it as the earthly counterpart to Goloka Vrindavan by Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu.

India Journal, Part 4

2008-11-06T09:08:00.000-06:00

In the West there is little or no contact between human beings except if they are colleagues, friends, family. The society is basically impersonal and increasingly so. In the US, you cannot even talk to a person when you call a business until you navigate thru a series of computer-prompted questions. In India, at least in Vrindavan, there remains a very personal level of exchange in every dealing. Buying fruit from a fruit seller who knows your face and you know his. His friendliness is part of your shopping experience. You get something extra when you go to purchase tangerines.

Vrindavan, being a small town or large village, allows for varieties of personal relationships. Even with the ricksaw wallas, who are immigrants from West Bengal and other parts of India, you can have a satisfying exchange. This trip being short, i decided to be generous with the ricksaw wallas, and rather than the usual practice of haggling and pre-negotiating a price before getting on a ricksaw, i paid them 50% more or even double what i thought the fair price was. That allowed me to be more friendly with them and to see their good qualities. When i paid them, many of them were touched that i gave them something extra. Some were just happy that they were not being treated like trash, that i was showing them a kind of respect by being generous. You know, it's only an extra 10, 20 or 30 rupees. Fifty cents. To them, it meant recognition, a small moment of appreciation.

Since i could not have a regular conversation with the ricksaw wallas in Hindi or Bengali, i could only look at their faces to read their reactions. Those faces showed character, dignity, humility or humor. For me, they were the faces of the struggle for existence, more real and honest and open than the faces i see in the West.

"Bhai Saheb," i called them, "brother sir." Although i was sitting behind them on a seat attached to their bicycle while they were pedaling thru Vrindavan, and although it was a commercial exchange-- their energy for my rupees-- still i felt some kind of personal connection with many of them. Although they were in a subordinate position and i was directing them and paying them, we were both sharing a moment of time together, each in our own way. It is an experience of human dimension and quality that i can't find anywhere else than in Vrindavan. Even the ricksaw wallas can be sages and yogis in Vrindavan.

India Journal, Part 3

2008-11-05T20:41:00.000-06:00

Finally i get out of bed in my room at Yamuna Kunj, and open the door which leads to a veranda. From the veranda to the left you can see the white marble towers and brass cakras of the Imli Tala Mandir. The original Imli Tala is the tamarind tree that Krishna sat under during the ras lila after Radha disappeared from His sight. He meditated on Radha and turned a golden color, foreshadowing His appearance as Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu. In that avatara, Mahaprabhu returned to this same spot on the Yamuna where he sat and meditated on Himself. It's at this sacred place that the Imli Tala Mandir was built by Sripad Bhakti Sarangi Goswami, a godbrother of Srila Prabhupada. He installed beautiful deities of Sri Sri Radha Gopinath and Sri Sri Gaura Nitai here, as well as the footprints of Lord Caitanya. Sometimes Prabhupada would visit this godbrother's temple when he lived at Radha Damodar.

The sun shines every day in India during this season and it is surprisingly hot in the late morning. I just need a t shirt and lungi and baseball cap as a sunscreen. No coat, jacket, sweatshirt, shoes and socks. Life is simple here.

I pay my obeisances to Imli Tala as i leave Yamuna Kunj and catch a ricksaw to take me to Gopeswar Mahadev, my first stop in Vrindavan. This temple is in the old part of Vrindavan where no tourists come and most pilgrims rarely visit. I buy a 10 rupee garland from one of the flower wallas who sit on the temple steps, take off my shoes and walk in. It's around 11 am and the morning worship is coming to an end. Inside the inner sanctum where Gopiswar Mahadev sits, a brahmin priest presides over the final washing of the Lingam while reciting prayers before the temple closes for midday. I appear with my garland and the priest decides to let me offer it and participate in the worship. First he indicates i can drink some "caranamrita" that has been collected in a gumshaw from the washing of the Lingam. An assistant wrings a piece of the gumshaw into my cupped right hand, and i sip the caranamrita. Then the priest asks me to come close to the Lingam and offers me a lota of clean water to bathe Mahadev. I first ask him to purify my hand that sipped the caranamrita by pouring some water on it, then i take the lota and do my impromptu abhiseka. After the bathing, i bow down on my knees and the priest takes my head and touches it three times to the low silver or brass walls that surround the Lingam. I feel a bit like a child in doing this "forced obeisance" but don't mind since it's for Gopiswar Mahadev. I offer a quick silent prayer while this is happening. Obeisances complete, the priest asks me for a donation. I was already thinking about that. I take out a 50 rupee note and place it on the floor next to the Lingam. The priest looks satisfied and i am also satisfied and get up. He gives me a leaf cup of Lord Siva's maha prasad to take with me as i leave.

On my way out of the inner sanctum, the worker who had given me caranamrita from the gumshaw takes 2 flower garlands that are the maha prasad of Mahadev, and puts them around me. I give him a 10 rupee donation. As i'm leaving the outer temple, a couple of brahmans who are sitting on the floor reading scriptures also indicate that they want a donation. I place two 10 rupee notes on their place sittings. They also appear satisfied. Now i go out to the street. I see a street dog and offer him a piece of the maha prasad by placing it in front of him. A couple of local beggars see that and ask for some maha prasad for themselves. I oblige until there is only a small amount of prasad left, which i pop in my mouth.

From Gopiswar Mahadev it's only 100 meters to Vrinda Kunj, a beautiful ashram developed by my godbrother, Paramadwaiti Swami. I'm glad to see him. Last time we met was one year earlier in Miami. Vrinda Kunj is much nicer than Miami, a green garden with monkeys playing freely, basic bungalows for brahmacaries and guests and an old restored temple for Giriraj. It's ekadasi and i stay for a simple lunch of vegetables and peanuts.

India Journal, Part 2

2008-11-05T11:35:00.000-06:00

The auto ricksaw somehow easily finds the dentist's office-- i'm impressed when they find any address in India, since the street names, numbers and directions always seem so confusing to me. I get there 30 minutes before my scheduled appointment and before the office is open. A worker is washing the front steps with water. I go and sit down in the waiting area. A few minutes later the driver of the taxi from Vrindavan that is supposed to meet me there shows up-- one hour early. I guess he has no other gig today. He also comes into the waiting room, looking for a power plug to recharge his mobile. These days, even some ricksaw wallas can be seen playing with their mobiles. (Does anyone actually call them?)

The dentist arrives. He is devotee-friendly, a nice guy and trained in Holland. I am sitting in the dentist chair less than 8 hours after landing in Delhi. He does his work while i listen to Prabhupada on my iPod. (It's a great survival tool for the dentist.) As soon as the appointment is complete i pay my bill by giving the receptionist nine 500 rupee notes and she shakes her head from side to side after counting it to indicate i have paid the correct amount ( i had a two hour appointment). Then i'm off in the subcompact taxi to Vrindavan. The 130 kilometer trip is familiar to me. Getting used to the traffic again is always an adjustment-- especially when my driver decides to go against the traffic-- going south on the northbound lanes of the national highway, to save a few hundred meters while playing chicken with oncoming cars and trucks. I chastise him for this, but it doesn't seem to matter to him.

It's still hot in this part of India in late October and i'm drinking more water than i drink in the West. After a 3.5 hour drive, which includes a stop at the beloved roadside cafe, Hari Om Dubba, we reach Vrindavan, past billboards advertising high-priced apartments for sale. The housing bubble has not yet burst in India it seems. The immediate challenge facing me is to clean my room at Yamuna Kunj which has not been used by anyone for 18 months. I am shocked when i unlock the door and find 5 cm (2 inches) of dust on the floor and most of the furniture, along with extensive webs and a few very large spiders on the walls and ceilings. I have no choice but to start sweeping it out with a straw hand broom i had kept in the room. I use a wet cloth over my nose and mouth to filter the dust. It's the spiders i'm afraid of, not knowing if they are poisonous or not. A devotee downstairs assures me not to worry-- even the scorpions are OK he says-- only Australian scorpios can kill you. Just use the broom to sweep them into an empty bucket. I feel a bit of an intruder to kick them out, but do it gingerly, so as not to cause them to take revenge on me.

It takes about 3 hours for me to clean the room and unpack a few essentials i had kept there-- like a battery operated light for when the power goes out. Miraculously, it still works after sitting uncharged in my almira for 18 months. Finally i try to shake the dust off my two thin cotton mattresses, and assemble my hi-tech mosquito net on the simple wood bed. It's 8 pm and i'm exhausted. I have just enough energy to set up the net and climb into it before falling off to a deep sleep. In the early morning around 5 am, i hear the sounds of kirtan parties chanting as they walk past Yamuna Kunj on the parikram marg. It reminds me that yes, i'm in the holy dham, far from the maddening material society. I know that it's better to be here, in bed, hearing the kirtaniyas, than to be out there, anywhere, doing just about anything that produces karma. It's my first morning in the dham and i have 10 days ahead of me. I enjoy the moment and the hope of recharging my spiritual life in a natural way, and blissfully drift back to sleep.

India Journal, Part 1

2008-11-04T17:07:00.000-06:00

I'm writing this as the polls in America are open and the final crescendo of news hype in the presidential election pervades the media here. It's one day and a parallel universe since i landed from Vrindavan. It's such a different world-- India and Vrindavan-- from the West. For someone who is searching for transcendence, and particularly for devotion, Vrindavan offers hope and affection, while the West offers depression and distraction.

It's not that everything is better there. Lots of things are much better here and many things much worse there. Perhaps i will elaborate on this in a later post. But i promised to share some details of my experiences of my visit to Vrindavan, so i will start today with my arrival in India. I did not take notes or record a journal, so these impressions are from memory.

As soon as i walked off the Air India flight from London and took my first steps at the Delhi airport, there was a familiar smell in the air. It is the smell of India. I am not exactly sure wherefrom or what that smell is, but it is distinctive. It's always my first impression of India, since my very first visit there in 1973. Then as now, i'm struck looking at the faces of the airport workers, so different from the working class in the West. And the architecture, despite renovations, seems stuck in a 1960s retro mode, but that just adds to the sense that one has arrived in a different world.

Going thru immigration is painless-- no questions, just the formality of getting the passport stamped-- and keeping the slip of paper to give to the Customs agent on the way out. Then queueing up just outside the airport at the Pre-paid taxi stand. Usually a taxi from Vrindavan is waiting for me, but this time i'm spending a few hours in Delhi (it's 3 am when i land) and i'm going to the dentist later in the morning. I pay 330 rupees for a pre-paid taxi to East of Kailash, where the Iskcon temple is located. I'm going to spend 4 or 5 hours at the guest house before my dentist appointment. The agent taking my rupess for the pre-paid taxi does not give me change from the 500 rupee note i give him for the fare. I take the ticket and start to leave, before remembering he owes me 170 rupees. My first reminder: in India you need to pay attention to details. Sometimes people will be honest with you. Often they will try to cheat you. Westerners have targets on their backs for easy pickings. I ask for my change and he grudgingly gives it to me.

The taxi driver doesn't speak any English, but i keep repeating Hare Krishna Mandir and he knows where it is. When we get to the temple, the chokidar (guard) directs us to another gate for the guest house. That gate is locked and the chokidar is asleep in a house behind the gate. He doesn't want to get up and open the gate, but finally consents to letting me leave the taxi and walk thru the gate. When i finally find my way to guest house (no signs are visible), the worker there looks like he could have been there 100 years ago. He can't find my name in the guest register and tells me i have no reservation. I know i have one, since someone made it for me. After several attempts of insisting i had a booking, he makes a call and then tells me my booking is at "The New Guest House," which is outside the gates of the temple complex, about 300 meters away. I try to negotiate to stay where i am, but it's not possible, according to the peon who is the night manager. He does convince me that the "new guest house" is not far and i decide to go off into the black nite to find it. I walk out the gate and cross the street, walk down a lane where again there are no signs to be seen, but as i walk, the chokidar from the new guest house is waiting for me, and pulls me in. I sign in with a 25 year old life membership card i have, which entitles me not to a free room but a subsidized price of 150 rupees for my short stay. The chokidar walks me to my room on the third floor. It has a fan that works only on the fastest speed. It also has an attached toilet and water for a bucket bath.

It's 4:30 am, so i decide to go across the street and begin my pilgrimmage by attending mangal arotik for Radha Parasarathi, the Deities installed by Srila Prabhupada in Delhi in the early 70's. I need to walk thru a metal detector and security guard to get into the temple grounds. The guard asks me for my room number at the guest house and that seems to satisfy him. I walk into the temple and pay my dandavats to Srila Prabhupada, Gaura Nitai, Sita Ram Laksman and Hanuman, and Sri Sri Radha Parasarathi. The arotik concludes, i sit in the back of the temple room while one devotee makes some announcements and then i go back to my room to rest for 3 hours, lying under a sheet while the fan spins at top speed, until 8:30 am when i get up, take a bucket shower and leave the guest house with my things to catch an auto rikshaw to the dentist's office. My Kartik trip has begun.

Just Back from Vrindavan dham

2008-11-03T23:13:00.000-06:00

I just returned this evening from 10 days in Sri Vrindavan dham. It was a trip worth taking, from the taxi ride from Delhi airport to the plane ride back. I will share some of my impressions over the next few days while they are still fresh with me. In one sense, Vrindavan stands still as a place where bhakti can be seen and practiced. In other ways, (at least what we see and hear of it with our senses) it's a place that is changing and being influenced by the forces of time and culture. Perhaps no where else is that contrast (between the eternal and the temporal) so clear as in Vrindavan dham. Details soon.

God as One of Us

2008-10-13T23:30:00.000-05:00

Unhelpful for establishing the tone McCain sought in Davenport was the Rev. Arnold Conrad, past pastor of the Grace Evangelical Free Church. His prayer before McCain arrived at the convention center blocks from the Mississippi River appeared to dismiss faiths other than Christianity and cast the election as a referendum on God himself.

"I would also pray, Lord, that your reputation is involved in all that happens between now and November, because there are millions of people around this world praying to their god — whether it's Hindu, Buddha, Allah — that his opponent wins, for a variety of reasons," Conrad said.

"And Lord, I pray that you would guard your own reputation, because they're going to think that their god is bigger than you, if that happens. So I pray that you will step forward and honor your own name with all that happens between now and Election Day," he said.

Yep, don't allow their Hindu God or Buddha God or Allah God to compete with our red, white and blue, evangelical Christian God. No one can be greater than "our" god-- fearful, hateful and intolerant, just like us. Pray and pass the ammunition.

Self-fulfilling Meanness

2008-10-11T11:24:00.000-05:00

"As nearly as possible, no nationalist ever thinks, talks, or writes about anything except the superiority of his own power unit. It is difficult if not impossible for any nationalist to conceal his allegiance. The smallest slur upon his own unit, or any implied praise of a rival organization, fills him with uneasiness which he can relieve only by making some sharp retort," - George Orwell, the author of 1984.

Almost all politics and religion as practiced in today's world incites and panders to prejudices and sectarian thinking. The most powerful sects in today's world are nations and state-approved or accepted religions. These social structures bring a sense of national and religious identity that is self promoting. While praising its own merits and sanctity, national and religious identification divides rather than unifies; it pits one group as insiders against a hostile world of "outsiders." This identification is essentially based on temporary designations and mental impulses. It creates paranoia against self-exacerbated threats from "others." Such identification polarizes and creates frustration and anger. False friends and false enemies produce a self-fulfilling meanness. What it cannot produce is peace and harmony in human society.

Patriotism and religious fanaticism are similar. It's not as obvious when it's your sect rather than your flag. But as Srila Prabhupada put it, it's all skin disease. That includes today's Iskcon, Narayan Maharaj's sanga and other vaisnava groups who cannot tolerate openness, transparency and accountability. It's the tyranny of fundamentalism.

Uddhava's Gita

2008-10-08T17:49:00.000-05:00

The Uddhava Gita

The other day i received a request to review the recent publication of the Uddhava Gita, the heart of the 11th Canto Srimad Bhagavatam, where Lord Krishna personally speaks to Uddhava just as He is about to depart this planet. These are the Lord's final instructions to us, his parts, who now find ourselves the unhappy residents on this troubled earth. These instructions are a continuation of Sri Krishna's penultimate teaching to Arjuna at Kuruksetra, a Bhagavad Gita, Part II. The Uddhava Gita gets its name from one of the Lord's dearest and most confidential associates who was sent from Mathura to Vrindavan as Krishna's personal representative to the gopis.

With commentaries and purports by two of the greatest vaisnava acaryas, Srila Visvanath Cakravarti Thakur and Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakur, this new volume of the 11th Canto by Touchstone Media is a gold mine for serious devotees. By serious, i mean those devotees who have "seen it, heard it and done it" in terms of material dealings, and who are now on the cusp of proper detachment. Those who do not seek fame, glory or profit from bhakti (as most kanistha adhikaris are apt to do, without admitting it to themselves or others), but rather, those who are tired of the endless ego games and who are thirsty for inner peace and humble service to the Lord are the rare, truly qualified readers of such transcendental literature.

I know Isvara Das, the publisher of Uddhava Gita, from Vrindavan. He has been a prolific independent producer of important vaisnava texts over the last decade. Isvara prabhu has single-handedly published a body of work that contributes much to our Gaudiya Vaisnava siddhanta.... filling the lacuna created by the BBT, who instead of producing new works or adding useful compendia to Srila Prabhupada's vast literary output, have been busy attacking the founder-acarya's original translations with editorial revisions bordering on (or even surpassing) the offensive.

The Uddhava Gita by Touchstone Media is unlike some of the BBT's works in this regard. It is not just dedicated to Srila Prabhupada but serves him by presenting the words of two great previous acaryas without alteration or self indulgence. It is stylistically based on Prabhupada's books, presenting the original Sanskrit verses from the Bhagavatam, Roman transliterations, English translations, and complete commentaries by Srila Cakravarti and Sarasvati Thakurs. It also contains glossaries of terms used and a general index. It is 820 pages.

Thankfully, this translation of the 11th Canto is refreshing in its conspicuous absence of arrogant purports by Hridayananda Das written and published during the great zonal acarya epoch in Iskcon. That era produced a translation that was polluted with grandiose statements about the soon-to-be-fallen zonal gurus of Iskcon. The BBT has probably removed the most egregious content from those volumes, but i still remember my discomfort in reading the commentaries and i refused to accept them as a companion to Prabhupada's Bhagavatam. It is indeed sad that even the highest things, such as this 11th Canto, considered the Crown on the Head of Sri Krishna, can be made temporary hostages of darkness. This publication remedies some of the shame and disgrace done in the name of Srila Prabhupada by offering a transparent translation of the commentaries by Visvanath Cakravarti Thakur and Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakur.

In the first chapter, Srila Sarasvati Thakur tells us, for example, in a purport to the 32nd verse:
"Those who are averse to Krishna and who are full of anarthas are always busy lording it over material objects. They spend their days accomplishing the three objectives of life— religiosity, economic development, and sense gratification. Their only aim is to enhance their duration of life, as well as their glories and beauty. Because Avadhuta Mahasaya did not display any such behavior, King Yadu asked him the reason for his wandering about in this way. In reply, the avadhuta said: 'Rather than accepting these twenty-four entities that are observed within this visible world as the means of my enjoyment, I have accepted them as my instructing spiritual masters, giving up the conception of accepting something and rejecting something else. I do not live like an ordinary human being, who is driven by mental speculation and thus bereft of the service of a spiritual master. I travel in this world under the shelter of my fixed intelligence. With a desire to surpass all anarthas and to always render loving service to the Supreme Lord, I have taken shelter of these twenty-four spiritual masters.'”

A few verses later, in verse 44, the avadhuta tells the King:
"O King, a saintly person is naturally pure, free from all contaminations, well behaved, and a benefactor of all human beings. Just by seeing, touching, or hearing such an exalted soul, one is purified just as one is cleansed by bathing with pure water. A saintly person, like a holy place of pilgrimage, purifies all those who meet him, because he is always engaged in chanting the glories of the Lord. "

And Cakravarti Thakur comments on this verse:
"Now the lesson to be learned from water is being described. Water is by nature pure and cooling. It is considered to be affectionate toward everyone. Water is sweet. Saintly persons are also sweet by nature and they purify all living entities by instructing them about devotional service. Saintly persons should behave as the well-wishing friend of everyone, just like water. Devotees purify everyone, just as water purifies everything by its contact."

A real devotee is a well-wishing friend of everyone. Like water, he or she is affectionate, pure and cooling towards all. What matters to a devotee is what is pure, not what is popular. Where we find real affection, real humanity, real purification is where we find a real devotee.

Without the company of such devotees, no amount of mental, intellectual or quasi-spiritual assets have any true value. Without having such association, we can only feel deep sadness and separation. We can try our best to hear from such saintly persons via these books and the recordings of pure devotees. This is our only source of hope.

The spiritual ocean that is Bhagavad-gita is thus expanded in the ocean of the Uddhava-gita. True to form, the Lord always glorifies his devotees as He instructs them. Thus, we can praise the unexcelled good fortune of both Arjuna and Uddhava, the extremely confidential friends and direct disciples of Bhagavan Sri Krishna. And pray to get more and more opportunity to drop all remaining pretense so that we can receive these profoundly pure teachings and they will act on our hearts. Books such as Uddhava Gita and the original Bhagavad-gita As It Is (1972) give us this chance.

All the books, dvds and other media produced by Touchstone Media can be accessed and purchased at www.touchstonemedia.com

Chasing After You

2008-08-22T21:45:00.000-05:00

A small offering at the lotus feet of om visnupada paramhamsa 108 Sri Srimad A.C. Bhativedanta Swami Prabhupada, on his holy Vyasa Puja (Birth Anniversary)

Part 1
Sometimes history is cruel, Srila Prabhupada.
It turns rulers into fools.

It takes ambitious devotees and corrupts them into thieves.
I'm sorry, i'm referring to your crooked GBCs.

Sometimes i wonder who i am, Srila Prabhupada.
Am i really your man, ready to risk and even die?
Or am i just a caterpillar, a wannabe butterfly?

Easily i can see the faults in all others,
but how come i'm not a more solid brother?

You conquered my heart with your spotless sincerity,
but wherefrom do i feel all these heavy impurities?

Part 2
Srila Prabhupada, once i sat with you in your room in Tehran, and i felt your presence surround me.
After 30+ years the bond is not broken, but the inspiration's gone in the darkness around me.

Yes, you were the light of the moon and the sun for your spiritual daughters and enthusiastic sons.
You always lit up the hearts of your gentle, faithful ones.

For those who decided to usurp your spiritual powers,
you vanished like a yogi and became a plastic model.

They waved your flag like crusaders, just to game their way,
but like Karna at Kuruksetra, their strength will fail them
when it's time to pay.

It's you who steals the hearts of those whose souls are dear,
If someone tries to steal you, you simply disappear.

Part 3
Now my prayer becomes more real,
as i need to tell you frankly what my weak heart reveals.

O Prabhupada, when i look into my heart and see my own conceit,
i know my tears are insufficient, my surrender incomplete.

Surrender is not a show, a dress, success or popularity poll.
It's the battle to give up all things unfavorable, the desire to control.

Srila Prabhupada, of your golden legacy, i'm just a petty thief.
Calling myself 'disciple,' but resisting your lotus feet.

What am i doing in this world? What opulence do i have?
Credit cards and shopping bags, senses like 2nd class rags.

Part 4
When will i discard my anarthas and naked run behind you?
Like a humble, hungry dog who wants only to find you?

O master, they can curse me, tease me or beat me blue,
as long as i can keep on running and chasing after you....

Srila Prabhupada, i'm still fallen, a jiva gone astray.
Guide me to your shelter, by hook or crook someway.

You're my president, my true friend, my deepest love, my lord,
in every word, every step and every type of chord.

In my in breath and out breath, each and every birth and death,
may you always be my goal, my heaven, my moksa, my test.

Part 5
Srila Prabhupada, steal my mind and be my inner heart's thief.
Uproot my illusions. Cut this broken-hearted grief.

By your mercy, and by the power of your love for me,
open my eyes to All-Attractive Krishna Conscious Reality.

Nitya nityanam centanas cetananam.....

Your life was the perfect purport of this Katha Upanisad verse.
You purify my existence when i hear you chant these words.

Srila Prabhupada, let your presence within me be my single-minded truth.
Transform me into what you named me:
a liberated servant of the Ever-Fresh Youth.

your melancholy and impoverished sisya,

nava jauvana das

Double Dealing

2008-08-19T18:15:00.000-05:00

After a 60 year history marked by more than its share of coups, assassinations, military takeovers, executions of leaders and economic misery, Pakistan is not exactly an example of a successful nation.

So it is interesting to see the latest chapter unfold. Pervez Musharraf, the Pakistani Army general who engineered a bloodless coup to take over from the corrupt Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif in October 1999, and then crowned himself President, has just resigned under pressure. This ended nine years of more-or-less dictatorship. This is normal in Pakistan's history, but what is exceptional is how Musharraf played both ends of the table. On one side, he ended Pakistan's support of the Taliban leadership in Afghanistan after the Twin Towers attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. He pledged to help the United States, becoming one of Washington's chief allies in its campaign against Al Qaeda, at least on the surface.

What many people do not know is that Pakistan's powerful military-controlled intelligence agency, the ISI (Inter-Services Intelligence), was the creator and main backer of the Taliban in Afghanistan, as well as the brains and resources behind the insurrection against India in Kashmir. Musharraf, as the head of the military, was intimately associated with the ISI. They created havoc and bloodshed both in Afghanistan and in Kashmir for over a decade. They were also probably behind an attack on the Indian parliament in December, 2001, that almost led to a nuclear war between India and Pakistan. I was in India at the time (early 2002) and personally saw huge missles being transported on flatbed railroad cars to the front lines.

While Musharraf was assuring George W. Bush of his determination to fight Al Qaeda, he was simultaneously winking at his ISI buddies who never servered ties with the Taliban. Pakistan is enormously envious of India, and they used the Taliban as their surrogates in Afghanistan and within India's own borders, in Kashmir. The strategy was to freeze India out of Afghanistan and eventually to wrest control of disputed Kashmir away from India. But geopolitical events such as 9/11 disrupted Pakistan's plans. That did not stop Musharraf from playing both sides.

The U.S. gave Pakistan more than $10 billion since 9/11 in so-called "anti-terrorism funds." No one knows where that money went. The Taliban are resurgent and threatening not just targets in Afghanistan but inside Pakistan as well. Today a suicide bomber killed 25 people in a hospital emergency room in northwest Pakistan, a Taliban operation. And the CIA recently presented evidence to Pakistan's new prime minister that the ISI, Pakistani's intelligence service, organized the July 7 terror attack against the Indian Embassy in Afghanistan's capital, Kabul.

Pakistan's leading nuclear scientist, A.Q. Khan, a national hero for creating their atomic bomb, has been under house arrest since 2004. He confessed to directing a clandestine network for sharing nuclear weapons technology with Libya, Iran and North Korea. He recently explained in an interview with ABC News that the Pakistani government and President Pervez Musharraf forced him to sign the confession to be a "scapegoat for the national interest." In other words, according to him, it was Musharraf and the Pakistani army that was engaging Khan in selling nuclear weapons secrets on the market.

It's a remarkable story of double dealing by General Musharraf, placating the gullible Americans and collecting their billions, while quietly continuing to do business as usual with the Taliban and selling nuclear secrets to countries that are sworn enemies of the US. Some would say, successful diplomacy. Others would call it: duplicity at its worst.

What's the lesson here?

Look around at the institutions and the leaders in your life. The ideals of a nation or an institution are compromised by duplicity. Duplicity distorts even the greatest good by turning it into a lie. Even those who claim to represent the unalloyed Absolute Truth can be tainted by duplicity. Duplicity corrupts. It turns truth and trust into suspicion and cynicism.

So look around at what you are embracing. And if you see duplicity there, speak out. Don't be cowed into submission by false teachers who use their power or the power of scripture to silence you out of fear of making offense. Silence itself can be an offense if you see abuse and do not react.

A vaisnava should tolerate everything except duplicity. Honest dealings between devotees is the currency of spiritual association. And according to the Bhagavatam, truth is the only good quality left in this age. (The four legs of the dharma bull are Mercy, Cleanliness, Austerity and Truthfulness. Only the leg of Truth remains standing in Kali yuga.)

Don't deal with double dealers or you'll be dealt a losing hand. And lose the only leg you have left to stand on.

Lord of Supernatural Strength

2008-08-16T11:08:00.000-05:00

O Lord of Supernatural Strength, today is Your Purnima, Your "Birthday."

You have always been kind to me, the weakest in Your creation. I have never cared enough about You to give up my shadow strengths, the endless thoughts of independent plans, the attachments that preclude Your service. Today, rather than feel the strength to celebrate Your Supernatural Power, I lament.

I lament my distance from Your mercy. I lament my indifference to Your beauty. I lament my ignorance of Your mystical superhuman powers. I lament my spiritual weakness.

You disposed of Romaharsan with a single blade of kusa grass. He was very qualified, learned, elected to sit on the vyasasan by the forest sages. He was exalted a million times more than the rubber-stamped gurus of today's Iskcon. Yet, his arrogance did not inspire him to stand up and receive You upon Your arrival at the meeting. He was fit to be killed by You. Yet, the demon Duryodhana, who gave so much grief to the Pandavas, Your own devotees, you befriended and became his guru. Who can understand You?

You serve Your younger brother, Sri Krishna, in every way: as His best friend, His servant, His guru, and in the form of Ananga Manjari, as an intimate confidant in His conjugal affairs. As His older brother, You taught Him the art of flute playing so He could impress His young gopis, with music so transcendental that it bewildered even Lord Brahma and Lord Siva. No one is more dear to Krishna than You.

You also appeared as the son of Padmavati and elder brother of Mother Saci's son, Nimai. In this avatar, You traded Your supramundane powers for intoxicated bliss. You partnered with Your brother not to rid the world of demons but to deliver them thru the holy names and absolute forgiveness. Jai Nitai!

Lord of Incomparable Strength, I appeal to the transcendental pity in You. Glance at this weak jiva of Yours and remove the dark shadows that eclipse my mind and intelligence. Destroy the Rahu impressions of millions of births in this universe.

You gave benedictions to the flower merchant who garlanded You and Your brother when You entered Mathura to kill the wrestlers. I have nothing to garland You with except this insufficient prayer. Yet I pray that You benedict me also, in one of my coming crores of births, with the spirit of selfless service to You and Your brother, and attachment to Your holy names.

O Ananta Sesa, Sri Halodhar, Rohini nandana, Dauji. Happy Birthday, Lord Balaram!

Light Years Apart

2008-08-12T16:07:00.000-05:00

Dear Readers,
On this auspicious ekadasi and tirobhava of Srila Rupa Goswami, the intimate follower of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu who inspired and blessed our Srila Prabhupada to deliver the message of Lord Gauranga and save the lost souls of this planet, Atma Vidya prabhu, has completed an epic poem. Although his native language is German, he has very articulately and poetically described our existential dilemma in separation from Our Beloved Spiritual Master.

So with great pleasure, i present his words here, copyright Atma Vidya 2008. As a graphic artist, Atma Vidya is very particular about type face and layout. I ask his forgiveness since i have little control over that in this current format. Nevertheless, the power of his words are transparent for all who share our history.

O fateful day in nineteen-seventy-seven
when Mother Earth had lost her crown,
a planet, that was envied in heaven –
under an eerie spell. A haunted town.

Mission usurped – a ruthless Eleven
bent on dragging its glory down,
auspiciousness drowning
greedy blizzards howling,
until the light fails
and darkness prevails.

Our guiding sun, and cooling moon, had set
on the horizon of our limited vision,
children of Kali, caught in Your net
still holding on to our cherished prison,
spiritual toddlers bereft of their mother
loving and caring, unlike any other.

O Prabhupad, master divine
nothing compares to you
and no one too.

Surely not the voted-in variety,
whose hallmark is anxiety –
craving for profit, distinction, adoration
soliciting laughter, applause, standing ovation
eager to make the crowd feel good
keen to impress and entertain,
basic philosophy not understood
traded in for personal gain,
immature audiences paying the bill
for inflated egos – O what a cheap thrill.

From one retreat to next retreat
– the word itself denotes defeat,
seminars, seminars, seminars
yield nothing but exposing the farce,
no cheering – no shakti
no spotlights – no bhakti
who needs all these wannabe stars.

You told us, that – indeed
one moon is all we need.
Nothing compares to you
and no one too.

No self-declared successor
who came to claim your legacy,
suggesting – you only gave the ABC
and even that be under lock and seal
and it is he, who holds the key
for him alone, it's to reveal.
Learned and senior, he well may be –
somehow, he does not appeal to me.

Whatever it be, that they purport,
all whistles and bells.
Of my life – only you are the Lord
and nobody else.

No pseudo academics, who alter your books.
Of all deviants – this type might truly be vile
deceptive in manners, and in their looks
folded hands and painted smile,
vaishnav' attire complete with danda,
Chicago Manual of Style
they do succeed, in cardinal blunder.

Our life's very support, they dare to maim.
Responsible publishing – is what they claim.
Of all havoc that's been created,
this is the most severe.

How many times had you stated,
in instructions perfectly clear:
No more changes.

Master divine, our Prabhupad
far, far above – light years apart.

A class, an interview, or speech,
you never needed to prepare.
As Krishna's confidant, you could reach
any soul, any time, any where.
O Shastra in person, you would teach
spontaneously, right then and there,
not by technique or stagy scheme –
just compassion beyond esteem,
penetrating crust over crust
composed of greed, anger, and lust
reaching straight to our innermost core
where the embarrassed Jiva you saw.

Your words did never need varnish
as direct, as they were sublime
the vedic truth without garnish.
One case in point, one point in time:
A morning walk, along the shore,
One gentleman, just wanted more:
"Swami Ji, you keep telling us those things –
Two plus Two is Four...we learn..."
"...you want Five?" – Your swift return.

The instant thereafter,
does it need mention?
there was indeed laughter –
sheer joy of comprehension,
essential point, understood in a flick
it's the realized soul, it's not a trick.

You cautioned us all
to not jump ahead
so we might not fall
be patient instead.

Related to Krishna, whatever the mood
it is all about love, and all absolute.
Desire trees,
weeping streams of honey upon hearing that flute.
Hanuman's exclusive devotion, to Sita and Ram.
And Bhismadev?
For him, a wounded Lord holds special charm –
battleground love-bites from arrows and spears.

A paltry gift,
yet the most intense feelings – from Vipra Sudam.
Mother Yashoda's puzzlements, worries and fears.
Crowning it all – an afflicted gopi's elusive mood.
Very distinct Rasas, all unique – but all absolute.

You did not ask the Beloved of your heart
Boston pier, in sixty-five, while still aboard.
to please grant you success and a flying start –
but be a puppet, in the hands of the Lord.

Master divine, how may I say –
I know, it's Your appearance day,
but in these dark and troubled times
I much prefer to skip the chimes.

To honor you, in adequate voice,
all attempts must certainly fail,
colorful phrases, words of choice
in front of your grace, only turn pale.

besides –
for all the words spoken
I have nothing to show
not even a token,
but one thing I know
whatever became
you never let go
you stayed in my heart
and –
with chanting the name
I never did part.
In my most sinful of days
even through the vodka haze.

Falling at your feet
with shame in my face
I have come to plead
with your Divine Grace
to send some rays of light,
spiritual strength. To guide
this old warship of yours
away from the moors.

Without preaching, life had turned stale.
I mean the front lines, facing the gale.
But without vaishnav' association
I am lost and weak, and sure to fail
So I want to extend my imploration
to include all the seasoned battleships
of your scattered and disbanded fleet
your true and honest disciples in need
dispersed and lonesome all over the globe
for as it turns out, in times like these,
it is them, who are humankind's hope.

Across the lands, across the seas
your Viduras and your Draupadis,
your Jatayus and your Vibhisans,
your grown-up gurukula girls and boys
who never really had a chance or choice.

And all of the others?
who too are sisters and brothers?
so-called leaders, and otherwise?
whom I severely critize?
To them I have but one appeal:
stop and think, think again – and pause,
study the Gita –AS IT WAS,
but first and foremost – please get real.

Always praying for the shelter of your lotus feet,
Your humbled servant,
Atmavidya das
On your Shri Vyasa-puja day, 2008

Fuel Efficiency

2008-08-07T22:48:00.000-05:00

Today i would like to ask the assembled readers to contribute their thoughts and experiences on being efficient. Perhaps because i feel tired from moving my accumulated possessions from Cambridge, MA to Evanston, IL. Or because i am a bit exhausted from my recent rants. Or perhaps because i feel so inefficient and unproductive.

The natural world seems terribly efficient. Molecules work 24/7 metabolizing and doing whatever else they do. Time is killer efficient. Nobody gets a pass from it. Even animals seem pretty efficient in the wild. But human beings appear much less efficient. Due to their neurosis, fears or completely over the top pride, they seem to be out of sync with the rest of the natural universe when it comes to efficiency.

We know from observing the life of Srila Prabhupada how efficient and economical he was, with time, with money and with energy. He didn't waste anything. That is one of the 26 qualities of a pure devotee, is it not?

I get a lot of pleasure from being efficient, when i am. I really enjoy the rush. But mostly i'm not. Most of the time, i'm efficient at being inefficient.

It would be a nice gift to hear your realizations and your accomplishments in this area of efficiency. For the sake of making this exercise more efficient, here is what my dictionary says about it:
• achieving maximum productivity with minimum wasted effort or expense.
• working in a well-organized and competent way.
• preventing the wasteful use of a particular resource, in this case, our most precious one, time.

Rehab's Over

2008-08-05T09:08:00.000-05:00

For those who have been reading my posts, you know that one of my main rant themes is the injustice done to the godbrothers and godsisters by the institution, starting with the zonals back in 1977. Those of us who were in Iskcon then, lived thru a very dark period and we each had our experiences. Those who came later also suffered from the residual effects of those injustices. It seems to me that the so-called reformers who wanted to rectify the mistakes made by the zonals, made their own (mistakes), only compounding the dire straights. So i've been pounding on this theme for some time, because words, even coming from an insignificant source like me, do have power. And because most of the readers have lived thru similar experiences. So my posts serve as a kind of rehab session for all of us to heal our wounds from battles past.

But it's also true that for most of us, those battles were from the past. And the deeper reality of the present is that those battles were part of our destiny. And part of our purification. For one, they should help us realize that no situation, no matter how nice or nasty, is permanent. And second, that regardless of external calamities, nothing can check awareness or devotion for God. Nothing, not even the pralaya.

So it is important for each of us to go deeper. To see the great challenge being offered to us by our destiny . How by participating in a society of a great spiritual teacher, a giant amongst gurus and an empowered deliverer, and then being rejected or rejecting that same society due to its inebriety and inequality, we now have a new chance to either make progress or to regress. We are "on our own," but never alone. We have in our hearts, our relationship with God and guru forged in the impressions of past sincerity. And now, in our growing maturity, these are the relationships that count.

So the time has come for each of us to take up this challenge in our own way. Certainly i would like the emotional support and encouragement of my friends and godbrothers who traverse this narrow path. Just to know that they are making the attempt to make progress, to go deeper, to not be afraid to fail, and to offer whatever they can to the cause of God realization, is a great source of inspiration for me. Let us turn our focus to the positive, the doable, the journey beyond the betrayal, to the plane of inner achievment. Let's allow ourselves the detachment to leave the past and turn the page. Rehab's over. Let's do something.

Maws, Morons & Oxymorons

2008-08-03T16:54:00.000-05:00

I received a lot of interesting feedback from my last post, "Secret GBC Resolution Revealed." Most readers thought it was funny and really enjoyed it. Satire exaggerates and highlights the shadows of reality to the point where you gotta laugh at it.

One old friend and godbrother wrote me: "too funny 'maws.' we won't make it to the pisswall at this rate, but at least we'll die laffin on the way there..."

Another godbrother commented that he read half-way thru the post before he suspected it might be a farce. He still wasn't sure if it was true or not, so he looked up the word "Maws" in a dictionary, because English is not his native language. Well, English is my native tongue, but i also looked it up when i was creating an acronym for the Mayapur Perpetual Worship Scheme:
maw |mô|
1. the jaws or throat of a voracious animal like a wolf hound.
2. the mouth or gullet (stomach) of a greedy person.

Do i really think the GBC body should be compared to the jaws of a wolf? The short answer: yes. Because what Srila Prabhupada gave to each and every one of his disciples was his mercy and his love. He deputized the GBC to administer this love on his behalf. How do you administer love? There's only one way: by creating TRUST. Love cannot exist without trust. Trust is always the foundation for love in any relationship.

And what has the GBC done since the disappearance of Srila Prabhupada? From practically the moment he left this world, the zonal acaryas used their power, manipulation, deceipt and despotism to create DISTRUST amongst and between their godbrothers and godsisters. Now that the years have gone by, the zonals have been replaced by the reformers. But have they brought back the spirit of love and trust to Iskcon? If they have, then why are 95% of Prabhupada's disciples-- his spiritual children-- still unwelcome and missing in action?

(To any idiots who want to know if this percentage has been verified by a "survey," no it hasn't, But Prabhupada initiated around 5,000 disciples. How many do you see hanging around Iskcon these days? In most temples, none or very, very few. That means 95% or more are missing. And it's not because they're all "in maya.")

Does anyone in Iskcon's leadership ever ask why those devotees--their godbrothers and godsisters-- have gone away? Or how Iskcon could make them welcome or encourage them? The answer to that question is an all-pervasive silence. Or, if anyone is preaching and criticises the GBC, they pass a resolution to gag that person.

Will a war criminal ever call for his own trial? Does a greedy, voracious politician ever give up his position? Can a moron sit down and write poetry?

Maws was an attempt to satirize the characters within Iskcon who act more like caricatures than acaryas. If i had written such a piece 25 years earlier, clearly my life would be endangered. Even now, some fundamentalist disciple might read these posts and seek me out to avenge his guru's honor. So let me clarify (if only to protect my own life). I'm not saying the GBC men and women are inherently evil. Most if not all are dedicated devotees. But i am saying that they have failed the basic test and responsibility given to them by Srila Prabhupada. That is the duty of the GBC to set the example for love and trust between devotees.

Either by comission or by omission, the leaders of Iskcon have miserably failed Srila Prabhupada on this most fundamental issue. They have acted not as brahmanas but as kripanas (misers) and even worse, not as servants but as oligarchs who lord over others.

Does anyone claim that the spirit of trust can be found in Iskcon? Or that there is a social model anywhere in Iskcon where artificial hierarchies of haves and have nots does not exist? Let me know, because i haven't seen it, and i've been around a long time. I see the opposite wherever i go. In a few places there is a standard of etiquitte being practiced, but even there, the mentality of "us and "them" predominates. And "us" usually translates to no more than the "I, me and mine" of a respective leader and his surrogates.

OK, but where's the oxymoron i mentioned in this post's title?
oxymoron
a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction
ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: from Greek oxumōron, neuter (used as a noun) of oxumōros ‘pointedly foolish,’ from oxus ‘sharp’ + mōros ‘foolish.’

The sharply foolish meme here is the notion that the GBC represents Srila Prabhupada's spirit of love and trust. Yes, that is the GBC's reason for existence-- to apply Prabhupada's spirit justly and wisely in the society of devotees. But when you put the words together-- Prabhupada's spirit and the GBC -- you get a perfect oxymoron, a self-contradictory conjunction. The GBC produces mistrust, the opposite of what it was created to produce. A living contradiction to the spirit of love and trust embodied by Srila Prabhupada.

The credibility that was invested in the GBC has become so devalued that only its own members take themselves seriously. Even many of their own disciples see thru their incompetence. After more than 30 years of negligent, often abusive, and always abysmal leadership, the best offering the GBC could now make to Srila Prabhupada is to resign en masse. That is something that would make him happy, although they will never do it.

If they did, they could call a general meeting of all devotees, especially the disciples of Prabhupada who left or were forced to leave Iskcon but who still honor and worship Prabhupada in their own hearts. Let them sit together with the self-retired GBC and together find a way to deconstruct the legal, corporate, religious labyrinth that the GBC concocted with their own ideas to fortify their own control. And let the devotees find some hope to rediscover the original purpose and mood Srila Prabhupada had in his pure heart when he brought Krishna consciousness from Vrindavan to Second Avenue. That's the spirit of awareness and love for Krishna and mutual trust and respect for each other. Love and trust. Without them, Iskcon is just another intolerant religion that promises substance but delivers only style. And creates opportunities for maws, morons and oxymorons.

Secret GBC Resolution Revealed

2008-07-30T08:45:00.000-05:00

A secret GBC Resolution --No.57.08, passed at this year's Mayapur meetings-- has just come to my attention. An insider sent me the unpublished resolution on condition of anonymity. It deals with the coming wave of devotees, especially first generation Prabhupada disciples, who will be leaving their bodies in the next 10-20-30 years. The GBC decided it was timely to make preparations to properly enshrine their remains within the holy grounds of Iskcon Mayapur.

The GBC body came up with a new program to accomodate and honor the final remains of all members in good standing. Thus, the Mayapur Perpetual Worship Scheme (henceforward known as MAWS) was created by secret resolution at this year's GBC meeting. Till now, dandavats.com has not mentioned it, so the readers of this post are getting a real "scoop."

The purpose of MAWS is to perpetuate the memory and the worship of those great souls whose vision transformed Iskcon from a small spiritual movement into the wildly popular Hindu institution that it is today.

MAWS takes into account the position of the deceased disciples to determine the level of their posthumous worship. For example, Gurus (e.g. those who are officially rubber-stamped to initiate disciples and freely distribute divine grace), will be offered "VIP" Samadhi Worship as part of the scheme. This will be a "pukkha standard" of worship that no guru will want to be without. Not everyone has disciples who can sit around all year in Mayapur to attend their samadhis. This package allows for elegant worship to continue year-round without burdening any disciples. It comes complete with marble and gold leaf engraved worship paraphernalia, morning arotiks, and a daily 7 course lunch feast. (Originally the GBC wanted Bengali pujaris to do the puja and seva, but the locals demanded iPhones, expensive watches, laptops and visas to the US.) To keep costs down and make the scheme affordable, the GBC decided to import brahmacaris from Eastern Europe and the Balkans.

The annual fee for the VIP Samadhi worship will be $8001, an amount that one sankirtan devotee or a wealthy disciple can easily come up with in no time. (Monthly installment plans are also available.)

The next level down in the MAWS scheme is for those gurus, sannyasis and vanaprasthas who unfortunately had a minor falldown. MINOR falldowns as defined by the GBC in this resolution include such things as: getting laid, snorting a line of cocaine, seducing your godbrother's wife, or becoming a transexual drag queen. The list is quite long, but basically doing anything illicit can be taken as a minor falldown. The GBC feels that such accidental falldowns should be forgiven. MAWS offers these devotees a simple way out of their embarrasing situation with a "Redemption Clearance Certificate."

Minor falldown gurus and sannyasis can easily purchase their Redemption Clearance Certificate. The pre-paid cost is a modest $501-- that's a really good deal-- for what is essentially falldown insurance. It's still affordable at $1008 for the postpaid plan. After an official certificate is issued, the redeemed late gurus and sannyasis can start to receive Budget Samadhi Worship immediately. The Budget Samadhi scheme features a handsome brass arotik tray, bi-monthly arotiks on the purnima and amavasya, and feast prasad on holy days (as much as you can eat those days, since you will not receive daily prasadam). The annual fee for Budget Samadhi Worship in the MAWS scheme is $3333.

The GBC MAWS resolution has a caveat in it which states: "Any guru, sannyasi or vanaprastha who publishes anything critical of the GBC, regardless of the truth behind their accusations, will be considered an unredeemable sinner." Such heretics are considered victims of MAJOR falldowns. Major falldown disciples can never atone for their mistakes nor will they be allowed to purchase a Redemption Clearance Certificate. (There may be a few exceptions for exceptionally wealthy sinners who can ante upwards of $100,000 baksheesh to the right persons, but this isn't explicitly stated in the resolution.)

Finally, the GBC did not forget the rank-and-file disciples, those pathetic godbrothers, godsisters and grand disciples who never had enough ambition to climb the corporate ladder in Iskcon, who rarely got the best maha prasad due to not having a position, who could not enjoy free business class world travel or have their expenses reimbursed by disciples, and who were never surrounded by fawning sycophants. The GBC wants to thank all such sincere servants and graciously offers them their own perpetual worship. Their ashes will be respectfully placed in a small slot in a wall within walking distance of the men's and women's toilets, just a kilometer from the Guru/Sannyasi samadhi area. The wall will be nicely decorated with cow dung year-round, and once a year, a pujari will sprinkle buffalo milk on the wall to commemorate the wonderful sacrifices of these less important devotees. An annual fee of $101 for the ordinary devotee "Hole in the Wall" worship will be waived. According to our sources, the popular sannyasi, His Holiness Maha Kripa Sindhu Bindhu Maharaj, offered this as an amendment to the MAWS resolution, and it unanimously passed.

Unfortunately, a restrictive amendment, proposed by the hard-liner, Swami Rudra Tapasvi Maharaj, also passed. It states that any disciple or grand disciple who ever had the shameless audacity or sheer chutzpah to openly question the authority of the GBC, BBT, a regional secretary, vice president or even a local temple commander, will be ineligible for the MAWS scheme. The GBC regrets that the ashes of such offenders cannot be placed anywhere within the sacred grounds of Iskcon Mayapur. They are to be blacklisted in perpetuity from the property. Their heirs will need to make other arrangements for their ashes.

"Try a small, local Gaudiya Math...or in a pinch, there's always Mother Ganga....She'll take anyone," suggested a sympathetic GBC member, who spoke off the record on condition of anonymity.

That's all we know so far about this still-secret resolution. We'll update you as soon as more details become available. Stay tuned. And stay loyal. It's never been easier to attain samadhi!

On Purity & Pollution

2008-07-27T17:47:00.000-05:00

In London, on July 26,1973, Srila Prabhupada gave a class on Bhagavad-gita. In the class, Prabhupada gives a very clear argument against animal killing:

"So we should not think like that, that animals or trees or birds and beasts, they are other than ourself. They are our brothers. Because the seed-giving father is Krsna, and the mother is material nature. So we have got the same father and same mother. So if we have got the same father and mother, they are all our brothers.

"So unless one is advanced in spiritual consciousness, how he can think of universal brotherhood? This is nonsense. There is no possibility. The so-called universal brotherhood is possible when he is Krsna conscious, when one knows that Krsna is the common father of everyone. The father will not tolerate. Suppose father has got ten sons. Out of them one or two sons are useless. So those who are very capable sons, if they say to the father, "My dear father, these two sons of yours, they are useless. So let us cut their throat and eat." So father will say, "Yes, you do that"? No. Father will never say. The father will say, "Let them be useless, but let them live at my cost. Why...? You have no right to infringe on their rights." This is common sense.

"But these rascals, they think that animals are to be killed for the satisfaction of the tongue of the human being. No sense. No sense. And still they are passing on as religious heads. Such type of cheating religion is completely kicked out from this Bhagavata religion. Dharmah projjhita-kaitavo atra paramo nirmatsaranam vastavah vastu vedyam atra [SB 1.1.2]. It is meant for, this Bhagavat-dharma. Krsna consciousness movement is meant for the paramo nirmatsaranam those who are not envious. How they can be envious? Paramahamsa, one who has understood what is this creation, who is the creator, what are these living entities, one who has got this knowledge, he is called paramahamsa."

Later that afternoon, a world renowned economist, Dr. E.F. Shumacher, visited with Srila Prabhupada. Schumacher was a respected economist who worked with J.M. Keynes and J.K. Galbraith. He was one of the intellectual fathers of the environmental and ecology movements. He wrote that single-minded concentration on technology was dehumanizing. Schumacher proposed the idea of "smallness within bigness." He had spent time in Burmese villages, and developed what he called "Buddhist economics." He wrote a book titled "Small is Beautiful" in 1973 that made him famous. A few quotes from his book:

"The less toil there is, the more time and strength is left for artistic creativity. Modern economics, on the other hand, considers consumption to be the sole end and purpose of all economic activity."

"It is clear, therefore, that Buddhist economics must be very different from the economics of modern materialism, since the Buddhist sees the essence of civilisation not in a multiplication of wants but in the purification of human character. Character, at the same time, is formed primarily by a man's work. And work, properly conducted in conditions of human dignity and freedom, blesses those who do it and equally their products."

"Ever bigger machines, entailing ever bigger concentrations of economic power and exerting ever greater violence against the environment, do not represent progress: they are a denial of wisdom. Wisdom demands a new orientation of science and technology towards the organic, the gentle, the non-violent, the elegant and beautiful."

Shumacher was one of the first economists to recognize that dependence on oil would become self-destructive, as it's a finite resource and is also highly polluting. In his way, he foretold the dangers of global warming before science had identified it.

Here are some excerpts from the conversation between Shumacher and Prabhupada.

Prabhupada: Thank you very much for your coming. I have read some of your ideas. So from your writing it appears you are nice, thoughtful man. Muni, the Sanskrit word is muni. Just like Narada Muni. They are very thoughtful....I was just reading this article, "Cars, Profits and Pollution." So this one side, we make profit, another side, we make pollution. This is the material, result of material activities. Whatever you do. Anything you do material, it is same. In one side, you see, "Oh, there is so much profit," and another side, you'll see so much pollution. Therefore the remedy is to act for spiritual realization. Then you will avoid pollution.

Just for example, that in the Ten Commandments, the first Commandment is "Thou shall not kill." So when I ask any Christian gentleman, "Then why you are killing?" they cannot give me any satisfactory answer.

Revatinandana: How does the, how does the process of animal slaughter in the slaughterhouse as we find it today, how does it fit in your philosophy for, say, changing the society? Where do you put that in your philosophy?

Schumacher: Well, I think one should try and do without it. You can't everywhere do without it. It's like all nonviolence. It's a direction of movement, to try to do your utmost to go as far as...

Revatinandana: So wherever possible, the slaughtering business should not go on.

Schumacher: That's right. But the Eskimos, for instance...

Prabhupada: That is another thing.

Schumacher: That's what I was saying, you see.

Prabhupada: When there is no food, so human life is more important than animal life. So the human life should be saved at the sacrifice of animals. That is another question. But where there is complete facilities to get very nice, nutritious food, why these poor animals should be killed?

Revatinandana: But in the last week we've had a Jesuit priest, a Black Friar's monk, several other theologically inclined Christian gentlemen have been here, and not one of them has assented to that statement. They do not agree. They think that...

Prabhupada: They do not agree that animal killing is sinful. They do not agree.

Schumacher: It's a very long question, isn't it. I mean...

Prabhupada: No, it is a simple question. Killing, do you think killing is very good business? Then why it is forbidden, "Thou shall not kill."

Schumacher: No, but sometimes protection is necessary.

Prabhupada: That is another thing. Generally, you should not kill. But when there is absolute necessity, that is another thing. But generally, this killing process you cannot support, and at the same time, you want to make the society purified. You commit sinful activities; at the same time, you want to purify. How it is possible?

Schumacher: I think a society can survive, and spirituality can survive, even among meat-eaters. It's much more difficult, I imagine, that a society can survive which has animal factories.....I mean there is the ruling assumption that you need it, which I challenge and you challenge....
The Buddhists have got a good, a good formula on this, and...

Prabhupada: It is not the question of Buddhist, Christian or Hindu. It is common sense philosophy.

Schumacher: The Buddhists have a good compromise on this. They say you can eat meat...

Prabhupada: No, no strict Buddhist will say.

Schumacher: ...but because you're not allowed to kill animals for eating meat.

Prabhupada: What is this?

Schumacher: So they let the Muslims kill the animals.

Prabhupada: Eight kinds of criminals. In killing animals, there are eight kinds of criminals. One who is killing, one who is ordering, one who is purchasing, one who is eating, one who is cooking, in this way... Just like if a man is killed. If a man is killed and there are so many persons implicated, it does not mean that only one who has killed, he becomes criminal. All others who are implicated in that killing business, they are criminals. This is pollution....

God consciousness cannot be achieved without being pure. In the Bhagavad-gita it is said, param brahma param dhama pavitram paramam bhavan [Bg. 10.12]. God is the supreme pure. You cannot approach God, you cannot understand God, in impure condition. And without God consciousness, there cannot be any purification. You try to understand this simple fact, that without God consciousness, you may prescribe so many things -- they will be all failure, all failure. And God consciousness cannot be achieved without being pure. This is the problem. Now you can think over it.

Schumacher: I agree with that.

Prabhupada: Yes. You can defend your theory but that will not help purification of the society. That will not help. Take it for granted. You can make so many theories but if you remain impure, if you are not God conscious, all these theories will be useless. Harav abhaktasya kuto mahad-guna mano-rathe... [SB 5.18.12]. This is simply mental speculation. Mano-rathena, hovering on the mental plane, you can jump from this to that, but that will not solve the problem. Mano-rathenasati dhavato bahih. So we do not act on mental speculation. It may be our credit or discredit. That is different thing. We simply follow the standard policy. That is Krsna consciousness. Now, everything is described in the Bhagavad-gita, how to become a brahmana, how to become a ksatriya, how to become a vaisya, how to become a sudra, or how to remain less important than the sudras. The societies must be divided in different divisions. They should work conjointly...

Sound Waves

2008-07-20T13:48:00.000-05:00

In a conversation with George Harrison, John Lennon and Yoko Ono at John's estate in September, 1969, Srila Prabhupada explained the importance of music and sound to 2 of the world's most famous musicians.

"Music...the Vedic mantras were all thru music. Sound waves, sound waves are full of music....samagah means the followers of the sound waves...

"Gayanti...they are always in music. Thru musical vibration they are approaching the Supreme. Gayanti means singing. So Vedic mantras and sound.

"This whole Bhagavad Gita and Srimad Bhagavatam can be sung very nicely. And Vedic mantra chanting, simply by hearing the vibration people will be benefited. Even they do not understand."

Srila Prabhupada then launched into a 4 minute mellifluous a capella song of verses from the Bhagavatam, as George, John and Yoko sat and listened.

Prabhupada concluded his demonstration to the Beatles with these words: "Veda mantra.... Vedanta Sutra... simply by transcendental vibration of sound, everything can be achieved."

That same message Prabhupada gave to the Beatles, he delivered to all of us, repeatedly, in his lectures, conversations and books, and literally in his life as a teacher and guru. In fact, everything he did was predicated on his faith in transcendental sound vibration. This faith was not one of idealism or ideology, of religion or fanaticism. It was a faith of realism, based on a transparent, confidential relationship he had with his guru and with Krishna, and supported by his constant remembrance of the maha mantra.

He drew for us a perfect standard for measuring a transcendentalist, someone who lives within the waves of transcendental sounds.

Who Can Make a Mango?

2008-07-15T15:52:00.000-05:00

I just ended a 12 day juice fast. It's called the "Lemonade" fast or Master Cleanse, and it's gotten a lot of media recently from some celebrities who did it. It's a naturopathic way to re-set the digestion and immune system.

The only thing you "eat" on this fast is a lemon drink made from fresh squeezed organic lemons, filtered water, maple syrup and hot cayenne powder. You can drink as many glasses of this as you want. I drank anywhere from 6 to 12 glasses a day. The first 3 or 4 days are hell, because your body doesn't like it and your mind is even more pissed off. You also experience some withdrawal symptoms from whatever food addictions your body has. But after 3 or 4 days, your body and mind accept that all it's getting is the lemon drink, and things settle down. The cleanse becomes easy. The only problem after the 4th day was some boredom (from not seeing, preparing and chewing food) and recurring hunger, which is resolved by making another cup of the lemon drink. Some people claim boundless new energy and mental clarity during the fast. I felt neither, but i did have a lightness of body and mind that is conducive to higher thinking.

Yesterday i drank a glass of fresh orange juice (that's the first thing you're told to take to gradually break the fast). I followed up with my first solid food: a deliciously mellow mango. When that mango was in my mouth, my thought was: wow, what can make something taste this good? Who can make a mango? That's right, only God.

He makes (thru material nature) not just mangoes but everything essential for life. eko bahunam yo didadati kaman. That One is supplying the necessities of life for all of his expansions. Not just for humans, for all species. We are acting foolishly when we exploit nature --including other species-- without seeing nature in its proper perspective, which is an opulence, a spark of divine splendor.

Everyone in our society is so proud of what they do and what they make, whether it's some business activity, public service, writing a great book or making a film. But who can make a mango?

The current chaos in our economy is a symptom of the toxic greed generated when human beings attempt to unlawfully use God's energies. We rob His bank and think we can be happy with the stolen money. But God is smarter. That same stolen energy turns around and burns us. What comes around, goes around. Oil created the modern motorcar society but it also brought two world wars and dozens of smaller ones. Now it threatens a third world war.

Greed kills the soul and hubris--false pride-- brings down empires. America claims to trust in God (it's printed on every dollar bill), but it simply wants to rob from Him. So many billions of souls-- both the exploiters and the exploited-- suffer from the actions of a society based on greed and false pride.

Wouldn't we be happier if we all learned to grow mangoes?

My Motto

2008-07-11T16:25:00.000-05:00

Someone who is a reader of this blog recently sent me an interesting email. I thought it would be relevant to share it here.

My friend wrote:

"I am wondering ,...do you know any vaisnava who is really worthy of our attention and from whom it is favorable to take blessings...or for you that is only Prabhupad?

"I am noticing that you are quite critical (for sure that's your right) but still i believe there must be some souls around who are carrying more bhakti in their hearts than we have and who can invoke more of these feelings in our hearts.... Have you meet them?"

My response:

"I've met thousands of devotees, because i've been around a long time in this circle. I consider many to be more advanced in their faith than me, either by their austerities or by their service. Some i consider my friends. But on the heart plane, where we need to focus, no, i have not met anyone since Srila Prabhupada, who inspires me to place my head at his feet. I did meet Srila Sridhar Maharaj several times in Navadwip, which was a very wonderful experience. But it was not until much later that i realized he was a truly great soul.

"What i think you're talking about is someone whom when you meet him, he sits down in the middle of your heart and you feel that he knows who you are and cares about you on the deepest levels. And you are embarrassed but you say, 'Thank you for coming here to this dirty place. Please stay here and take a little water because i have nothing else to offer you.' That feeling i have only experienced with Prabhupada.

"I wish i could direct you to someone like that. But in all honesty all i can say is to follow the guidance you get from within your heart. Your ista deva (lord of your heart) is always ready to help you. We cannot expect the external environment to be favorable, but that can never prevent us from progress if we are connected with our inner heart.

"As for my sounding critical of others, Isopanisad tells us to understand side-by-side, the difference between ignorance and knowledge. Being critical of something false is an expression against ignorance. Higher knowledge is not just theory-- it's also practical-- to evaluate people and events in real life. Practical knowledge may not sound sweet to the ear or palatable to the mind. But it is progressive-- not destructive-- if it helps us to separate duplicity from devotion.

"I am writing for my own purification, not for popular approval. If this process helps me to clarify and understand my real priorities, even if my voice is sometimes shrill, why should that be a problem? If there is a fire in the kitchen, would anyone complain if someone screams?

"Of course, speaking sweetly about the Lord and always acting on the platform of love and encouragement is the nicest and highest thing we can do. But even then, let's remember: Krishna spoke the Gita--the highest wisdom-- not on a cloud or under a desire tree, but on the battlefield. It was a place where millions of warriors were about to die in a horrendous battle. He told Arjuna to fight --not to run away out of false compassion.

"Krishna also told him that to actually love God, the prerequisite is to understand Him and act for Him. So what is the value of putting on a pretense of love as a vaisnava if one doesn't know how to act like one? What is the value of a society based on love of God when there is no love and trust between godbrothers? What is the meaning of a spiritual society where 'dollars, diplomacy and duplicity' are the prominent features? When power and prestige is a surrogate for sex life? When saintly means showy?

"So for now, my motto is: 'Better to be a failed critic of bullshit than a successful bullshiter!' It makes sense to me."

Haribol :-)

No News is Good News

2008-07-09T21:53:00.000-05:00

This material world-- particularly in this age of Kali-- is so intrinsically deceitful and dangerous, that the expression "no news is good news" really fits. When one reads the news or sees it on television, it's overwhelmingly based on tragedy, anxiety, envy or lies (what the politicians call "spin"). No one is bold enough to really tell the truth; hardly anyone is wise enough to see the truth.

And the truth shall set you free.

One very nice blog i would like to recommend is http://carloananda.blogspot.com/ It's by my old friend, Ananda Swarup Swami. He's got some good stuff to share. The truth about his experiences in and out of Iskcon.

One other bit of news. I decided to take down my web site: www.jauvana.com for now. It's been up on the web for almost 5 years. Its original purpose was to promote and sell my album, Jivatma Express. That was a colossal failure. I still have 1,000 cds in storage. I want to give them away now, but i need to figure out how. Let me know if you have any suggestions.

The website was nice, designed by a good web designer from Holland and it's been visited by a good number of folks, But for me, as the artist, it was static. So today i downloaded all the website's files using a very nice program called FileZilla (from Mozilla, the makers of Firefox), and put them in a folder on my desktop. Then i cancelled the web hosting for the site. So it's gone. All things must pass. Gotta close a door to open a new one i figure.

Srila Prabhupada is More Compassionate than God

2008-07-01T22:11:00.000-05:00

How can i say that Srila Prabhupada, who was a man, a jiva, is more merciful than God Himself? Am i not guilty of the worst kind of fanaticism? Of deifying a mortal man? God, of course, is universally praised as "all-merciful" (rahmani rahim in the Koran), the "ocean of mercy" (he krishna karuna sindhu in Sanskrit) and He who forgives all sinners (in the Bible). So how can i make a claim that Prabhupada was more than God in his mood of compassion?

First, I want to point out there are many controversies surrounding Srila Prabhupada. Even back in the 70's, when he was preaching, it was difficult to accept the concept that guru and God are to worshipped with equal status. It goes against our western, skeptical and impersonalist world views, to accept a human being as flawless. The typical mind, being influenced by a false sense of independence, projects ill on any claim of absoluteness. So it was difficult to accept that the acarya, even one who seemed to transparently represent the message of God, was as good as God.

Today, in the absence (at least in my perception) of a similarly empowered living representative of the divine, it's even more difficult to comprehend such a proposition. The field has become cluttered with all sorts of speculators, some purer than others. Some claim that Prabhupada was omniscient, another quality of God. But Srila Prabhupada himself rejected that concept, which is illogical also. A jiva never has the same powers of God, unless, for a particular reason, God wishes to give that power to his devotee. A pure devotee is always dependent on the Lord. He does have mystic powers. But full omniscience is something only possessed by God himself.

Other speculators with less purity claim that Srila Prabhupada was an ordinary man with flaws, but with extraordinary bhakti. Recently a feminist blog moderated and led by an educated. articulate, but in my opinion, a highly prejudiced vaisnavi, has appeared on the net. It can be found at: http://harekrishnawomen.wordpress.com

The blog's mission statement: "A place for the empowerment of our daughters, sisters, friends, mothers and wives. Also for our black bodied brothers and sisters as well as others facing discrimination in order to raise self esteem and give impetus to self empowerment. To destroy the lies of disempowerment, subjugation, lack of intelligence, and irrelevance to society that female gaudiya vaishnava bhaktas and others have been taught–is the purpose of this blog."

But when i read its posts and many of its comments, what i find is a kind of rage, resentment and envy that is typical of most body-centric philosophies and social reform movements. "Take a part of the message you like and then kill the messenger." In its protest against bias, it is so preoccupied with bias, that it becomes itself a platform for reverse bias. It selectively picks and chooses what it likes and dislikes from the mouth of Srila Prabhupada, using its own speculative voice as absolute. It promotes a feminist voice at the expense and condemnation of the voice of the guru from whom it received its inspiration and wisdom of spirit. Sounds like the "punar musika bhava" story.

Such a miserly approach is not at all attractive to those who have even a small appreciation of the sacrifice and magnanimity of Srila Prabhupada who preached the truth at his own risk in a dangerous world.

Now, getting back to my original claim, that Srila Prabhupada exhibited more mercy than God himself. Of course, real compassion is a divine quality, and is found in inexhaustible quantity only in God. But Srila Prabhupada, in his desire to serve God and lift the fallen souls of this world, in some ways surpassed God in exhibiting this quality. Here is part of a room conversation in Mayapur, on February 14, 1977.

Prabhupada: Yes. Not... He did not say possible. Iha bahya. Caitanya Mahaprabhu was interested only on the spiritual platform. He had no idea of material side. He rejected material side.
Satsvarupa: But don’t we do that also?
Prabhupada: No. Our position is different. We are trying to implement Krishna consciousness in everything. And Caitanya Mahaprabhu personally took sannyasa. He rejected completely material. Nishkincana. But we are not going to be nishkincana. We are trying to cement the troubled position of the... That is also in the prescription of Bhagavad-gita. We are not rejecting the whole society. Caitanya Mahaprabhu rejected everything, iha bahya. Rejected meaning, I do not take much interest in this. Bahya. It is external. He was simply interested in the internal, the spiritual. But our duty is that we shall arrange the external affairs also so nicely that one day they will come to the spiritual platform very easily, paving the way. And Caitanya Mahaprabhu, personality like that, they have nothing to do with this material world. But we are preaching. We are preaching. Therefore we must pave the situation in such a way that gradually they will be promoted to the spiritual plane, which is not required.
Satsvarupa: Varnasrama is not required.
Prabhupada: Not required. Caitanya Mahaprabhu denied, I am not brahmana, I am not kshatriya, I am not this, I am not this. He rejected. But in the Bhagavad-gita, the catur-varnyam maya srishtam [Bg. 4.13]. So we are preaching Krishna consciousness. It must be done.
Hari-sauri: But in Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s practical preaching He only induced them to chant.
Prabhupada: That is not possible for ordinary man.
Hari-sauri: What, to simply induce people to chant?
Prabhupada: Hm?
Hari-sauri: He only introduced just the chanting.
Prabhupada: But who will chant? Who’ll chant?
Satsvarupa: But if they won’t chant, then neither will they train up in the varnasrama. That’s the easiest.
Prabhupada: The chanting will be there, but you cannot expect that people will chant like Caitanya Mahaprabhu. They cannot even chant sixteen rounds. (And) these rascals are going to be Caitanya Mahaprabhu.
Satsvarupa: No. But if they at least will chant and take some prasada...
Prabhupada: Chanting will go on. That is not stopped. But at the same time the varnasrama-dharma must be established to make the way easy. Hari-sauri: Well, at least my own understanding was that the chanting was introduced in the age of Kali because varnasrama is not possible.
Prabhupada: Because it will cleanse the mind. Chanting will not stop.
Hari-sauri: So therefore the chanting was introduced to replace all of the systems of varnasrama and like that.
Prabhupada: Yes, it can replace, but who is going to replace it? The... People are not so advanced. If you imitate Haridasa Thakura to chant, it is not possible......
Vaishnava is not so easy. The varnasrama-dharma should be established to become a Vaishnava. It is not so easy to become Vaishnava.
Hari-sauri: No, it’s not a cheap thing.
Prabhupada: Yes. Therefore this should be made. Vaishnava, to become Vaishnava, is not so easy. If Vaishnava, to become Vaishnava is so easy, why so many fall down, fall down? It is not easy.

Srila Prabhupada was a pragmatist. By 1977, he had preached non-stop for 11 years in western countries. And he could see, that despite his preaching, despite everything he had given to his disciples, still they were falling down, they could not reach the proper standard. So he wanted to go beyond the scope of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu. He wanted to re-establish varna-asram, a society based on progressive values, to give people (including his own disciples) a chance to gradually come to the spiritual platform. This was even more merciful than what Krishna, as Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, was prepared to do.

Mahaprabhu avoided worldly people. Even the King of Orissa at the time, Prataprarudra, who was his own devotee, had to overcome great resistance from Mahaprabhu to meet Him. But Prabhupada was eager to meet with leaders and celebrities-- he even wrote letters to Presidents and Popes-- not for any personal glory, but with a desire to beg them to help him turn a hard-core materialistic environment into a more spiritually favorable one. Of course, his disciples could not easily understand how to assist him in this. They were enthusiastic but unable to actually help him establish a more favorable social situation. In many cases, they turned a neutral situation into an unfavorable one thru their malefic or ignorant actions. And immediately after Srila Prabhupada departed, in November, 1977, the leaders of his movement turned everything upside down and sabotaged his movement. The results can now be seen as the present farce that masquerades as an international spiritual society.

To set the record straight: Srila Prabhupada was not in any way a bigot, a fanatic or a megalomaniac as some prejudiced observers now claim. He was absolutely liberal and revolutionary in his insistence that none of us are these bodies. That we are, in reality, spirit. And as spirit we have a birthright of liberation from this material world. He was an incarnation of mercy who was empowered to distribute that mercy and to liberate anyone who could follow him. But as he himself said, it's not easy to become a vaisnava. It is not easy to give up envy and the speculative mind and to surrender to mercy. But our disqualification-- our cataract vision and our spiritual deafness on this plane of existence-- in no way diminishes the beauty and glory that was and is Srila Prabhupada.

1008 Down

2008-06-25T12:10:00.000-05:00

Sometimes in life we're forced into situations or duties that we would prefer to avoid. Actually, this is more common than most of us care to admit. We are masters at self deception and internal fraud which find expression in various acts and misadventures .

But the hand of Krishna is on everyone, especially on one who attempts to pay some attention to Krishna, however imperfectly. That was shown to me recently when i went down to Florida, first to see, and then to perform the funeral rites for my uncle. When i made the booking one evening for my flight to Miami, my uncle was in the hospital. By the time i landed the next afternoon, he had died. Naturally i felt not just sad, but uncomfortable. But i was comforted by a couple of very trivial things that reminded me how Krishna is always present under all circumstances.

First, the record locator or confirmation code for my ticket to Miami was a series of letters that started with OM. I thought that was cool. And when i got to Miami, i took a short train ride from the airport to Ft. Lauderdale, about 25 miles north. After i sat down on the train with my carry on luggage i looked up and noticed the number of the train car i was riding in (bogey number they call it in India). It was 1008. Certainly auspicious, i thought. Later i realized that i had used that same number: one zero zero eight, in the intro to my song, Jivatma Express. "One Zero Zero Eight Down is now leaving from platform number"....a voice over says in English and Hindi as the music starts. So there i was, riding on my own 1008 Down, presiding over a funeral!

So no matter what life throws at us, and it definitely throws all kinds of curve balls, if we can only remember that the sweet Lord is the real controller, the real pitcher, He shows us his presence in all kinds of interesting ways.

Somehow or other, by hook or by crook as the expression goes, always remember Krishna. And never forget Him. This is one of the essential sutras left to us by our beloved guru and eternal well-wishing friend, Srila Prabhupada.

Path to Liberty

2008-06-14T21:12:00.000-05:00

The following are the words of the great spiritual master, Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur:

"The Bhagavata teaches us that God gives us truth as He gave it to Vyasa: when we earnestly seek for it.

Truth is eternal and unexhausted. The soul receives a revelation when anxious for it. The souls of the great thinkers of the bygone ages, who now live spiritually, often approach our inquiring spirit and assist in its development. Thus Vyasa was assisted by Narada and Brahma.

Our Shastras, or in other words, books of thought, do not contain all that we could get from the infinite Father.

No book is without its errors.

God's revelation is absolute truth, but it is scarcely received and preserved in its natural purity. We have been advised in the 14th Chapter of 11th Skandha of the Bhagavata to believe that truth when revealed is absolute, but it gets the tincture of the nature of the receiver in course of time and is converted into error by continual exchange of hands from age to age. New revelations, therefore, are continually necessary in order to keep truth in its original purity. We are thus warned to be careful in our studies of old authors, however wise they are reputed to be.

Here we have full liberty to reject the wrong idea, which is not sanctioned by the peace of conscience. Vyasa was not satisfied with what he collected in the Vedas, arranged in the Puranas and composed in the Mahabharata. The peace of his conscience did not sanction his labors. It told him from within, "No, Vyasa! You cannot rest contented with the erroneous picture of truth which was necessarily presented to you by the sages of bygone days. You must yourself knock at the door of the inexhaustible store of truth from which the former ages drew their wealth. Go, go up to the fountainhead of truth, where no pilgrim meets with disappointment of any kind." Vyasa did it and obtained what he wanted. We have been all advised to do so.

Liberty then is the principle which we must consider as the most valuable gift of God. We must not allow ourselves to be led by those who lived and thought before us. We must think for ourselves and try to get further truths which are still undiscovered. In the Bhagavata we have been advised to take the spirit of the Shastras and not the words. The Bhagavata is therefore a religion of liberty, unmixed truth and absolute love."

A religion of liberty, the Thakur tells us, is not one of slavery to fashion, bureaucracy, group think or blind ritual. Coercion thru words or actions is never the means to liberty. Individual austerity, spiritual habits, tolerance of our own karma, humility and kindness to all jivas is the path to liberty.

Maharaj Yudhistira's Words

2008-06-10T16:33:00.000-05:00

I just returned to Boston from Miami where i officiated at my uncle's funeral and cleared out his apartment in a condo resort inhabited by seniors. It's a beautifully landscaped property with a small lake and tropical flora in South Florida. It has the look and feel of an upscale kibbutz for wealthy Jewish 90 year olds. The vast majority of residents are semi-invalids who use walkers or wheelchairs to move around. Many have one or two caregivers (the new term for 'servant') to assist them. During the day, the residents come downstairs for their meals in a large dining hall cum restaurant. They then sit outside on lounge chairs, discussing their medications and health problems, or go into a large room filled with tables and chairs where they play cards with their peers or listen to guest speakers on subjects of interest to them. A few of the more savvy ones use the two computers in the card room to play solitaire. This is their public life.

My uncle was the most fit amongst them. Although he had just turned 91, he looked 15 years younger and walked around without any aids or servants. He took a lot of health supplements, being one of the early adaptors of vitamins. He ordered and swallowed thousands of dollars of alternative supplements every year. Perhaps it helped him, but in the end, he died from liver failure. I wonder if all those supplements were too much of a burden on his liver.

What struck me the most when i was cleaning out my uncle's apartment and living in this somewhat surreal world of well-off 90-year-olds are the words that Maharaj Yudhistira spoke to his father, Yamaraj, when asked about the most wonderful thing in this world. He famously answered that while death is all around everyone in this world, no one thinks that death will touch him.

While this is universally true for young people and even the middle-aged, by the time someone reaches 90, they know that death is approaching. They make out their wills; they see their relatives and friends dropping one by one; they look in the mirror and are sometimes stunned when they see the irrepressible force of old age. But a lifetime of habits and beliefs cannot be undone at the fag end of life. I observed my uncle during several visits before his final illness, and he basically carried on as best he could, with the habits he had established 50 or 60 years ago, when he was young. He didn't have the energy or passion he once had, but he tried to follow (or was forced to follow) the same basic patterns that took root during his youth and middle age. I'm sure he had thoughts about his own death, but he was helpless to do anything to prepare himself for it. So he continued to take those vitamin supplements, and hope against hope that the inevitable might be delayed.

I think the moral of this story is not to wait until old age to realize that death is indeed very close at hand. It's a neighbor one cannot get rid of, one can never move away from. The smart thing to do is to change one's habits to conform to this reality. Our mortality is alive and well, and this fact renders activities that are averse to the Supreme Spirit-- however attached we may be to them-- null and void of value.

The purport behind Maharaj Yudhistira's prescient observation is a lesson for us to take to heart. It means: don't follow the crowd blindly. And don't be a leader to blindly try to change the world. Stop following your mind and follow a mahajan. Change your habits accordingly and change your heart, while you still have blood pumping thru it.

Jackie Warner 1917-2008

2008-06-01T21:31:00.001-05:00

My uncle, Jackie Warner, just passed away at the age of 91. Uncle Jack was an unusual person. He was from the depression and WWII generation and his politics and life views were molded by those times. But his heart and spirit belonged to show business. He was trained as a classical dancer and went on to work as a professional dancer in night clubs and on Broadway. Later he worked in television and in theatres around the world as an actor, producer and director.

He looked and acted 15-20 younger than his natural age, and he even had a driver's license and passport to prove it! He was someone who wanted to entertain people. He was also a humble man, making others feel important by always being very personal with them and appreciating even the least positive reciprocation.

Uncle Jack was independent-minded and eccentric. Pink was his favorite color for shirts and socks, although he was not gay in the least. He could never say 'no' to anyone who asked him for charity, and he gave away tens of thousands of dollars to people he never met. He was a generous and talented person who had an interesting life.

He tolerated the indignities and loneliness of growing old. He didn't complain, but didn't like it either. His sudden passing away on his 91st birthday was, i believe, a gift to him. I'll miss him. But my sadness is far outweighed by my certainty that he's going on to a bright new engagement in a fresh body. And this time, he's going to be dancing for the Lord.

Uncle Jack: May Krishna smile on you and the sun shine on you, forever.

Krishnaland

2008-05-26T22:37:00.000-05:00

For readers who have seen a lot of my posts, you know how critical i am of today's Iskcon. The truth is, internally i was critical of Iskcon almost since i joined, because i have the kind of mind that cannot overlook or justify exploitation and abuse. And there was plenty of that from the leaders of Iskcon that i saw with my own eyes--and much, much more that i didn't see but heard about-- since the early '70s. The simple fact that Krsna Consciousness is both a process and a goal based on "relationships," the Achilles heel of Iskcon has always been the betrayal of relationships between its temporal leaders and followers.

But in fairness to Iskcon, there have been and still are relationships between devotees that were/are not abusive. Even in today's Iskcon, while i complain and am disgusted by the unresolved issues of the past, and the lack of competence, sincerity and vision of most of its present-day leaders, there are still lots of nice vaisnavas and situations where Iskcon serves the higher purpose that it was created for: to help jivas reconnect with the Supreme Lord thru sadhana bhakti.

I slept last nite at the Chicago temple. Got up for mangal arotik and attended the morning program. Perhaps because i joined in Chicago, way back in 1970, when it was a small, freezing storefront manned by a handful of insanely blissful devotees, i have a soft spot for this temple. It has gone thru many incarnations: at least 3 locations and probably more than 20 Temple Presidents. I was here when a devotee named Rudra was its first TP, and later, when Sri Govinda installed the deities of Sri Sri Kishore Kishori. They asked Prabhupada, who named the deities, why Radharani's name came after Krishna's, when the standard form is that Her name is first. Prabhupada, charmingly replied something to the effect: "We decided to save the best for last."

The current TP in Chicago is an African American devotee, an anomaly in an organization that is run by Indian Americans and some old-timer Iskcon apparatchiks. He appears to be an exceptionally low-key, humble guy. And the temple is basically a brahmacari ashram now, which helps keep the atmosphere free from drama. There are brahmacaries from India, a few from Russia. And one American devotee: a very nice godbrother who has lived in the temple since around 1975. He let me spend the nite on a sofa in the temple library.

When i arrived the Sunday Feast was in full swing. Of course, as usual, it was an Indian American affair. Fat middle aged Indian ladies in saris and gold bracelets, waddled like ducks around the temple. Middle aged men in shirt and pants followed them with their large "pakora" bellies. Lots of young Indian professional couples with their well behaved one, two or three children, were snapping digital pictures right and left of the deities and themselves. It reminded me of a kind of Disneyland where exceptionally pious people go with their families. You can call it Krishnaland.

I arrived after the lecture, so i cannot give my impression of that, but the feast was simple but tasty and the kirtan in the temple was sweet, sung by a devotee who learned how to do kirtan in Vrindavan. The guests stayed for the last arotik and even longer, and the temple shop and a prasadam stand sold their wares. The brahmacaries kept mostly to themselves, but everyone was at mangal arotik six hours after the last guest had left. Another nice thing was there were no high profile gurus or GBCs, and the morning class was given by Srila Prabhupada, from a conversation that was recorded in Bombay! I've been so critical of Iskcon in this blog that i wanted to share something more positive.

So here's the bottom line: There is hope when simplicity and following of the basic mood given to us by Srila Prabhupada becomes prominent. With that as the criteria, there is great hope. Practically, the current generation of leaders should resign en masse from their posts and allow vaisnavas to act like devotees, to have honest relationships with each other where there is less drama and more service. I would gladly renounce all my criticism if such a reality came to be. Of course, that won't happen anytime in our lifetime. But still, i challenge everyone, including myself, to help create such a bright new world, based on honest relationships and a Krishna centered, rather than ego-centered, world. That was the world Srila Prabhupada lived in, and the world he risked his life to give to others, and it remains the most noble object of sacrifice.

Two Worlds-- Or Is It?

2008-05-18T18:01:00.000-05:00

The other day i was at the Apple Store to take a tutorial, a one-on-one class with an Apple creative employee. For $100, you get one tutorial session per week, for one year. That's less than $2 for a private class. Another brilliant marketing idea for Apple. The more familiar people are with their computers and software, the more popular they'll become. During the class, the Apple guy asked me if i was going to the "Opening" of the new Apple Store in Boston that evening. I had not heard about it, but he told me the Boston Store will be the largest Apple Store in the world and that evening they were giving away some goodies to everyone who attended the opening. So i thought, why not?

I thought i would just walk in, underestimating the popularity of the Apple brand. When i arrived at the Store, there were queues of over 500 people standing behind police barricades, waiting to get in. The security guys were allowing groups of 10 or so people in at a time. The Store itself was typically design perfect. Three floors of a transparent glass front, with the famous white Apple Logo built in to the glass on the third floor. Inside were lots of camera crews from the local news stations and almost as many Apple staff as guests. They cheered each guest as they entered and exited the store. For some reason, i thought: this is something Srila Prabhupada would envision for the opening of a new temple. There would be a Tilok Logo instead of the Apple, and devotees would greet each guest with a warm welcome, maybe a flower garland and sweet words. Then, after the guests had darshan, they would be given a plate of sumptuous prasadam to take with them. In this way, Krishna consciousness would become part of the popular culture.

Awakening from my daydream, i decided that i had no interest in standing in line for over an hour simply to visit the Apple Store and possibly get a small gift. So i left the scene with the Boston Police, the barricades and queues of curious Apple customers, and walked about five blocks to the Iskcon temple.

Being a weeknite, the temple was empty, except for three young Indian professionals who were singing kirtan during the evening arotik. A young Indian couple also entered during the arotik. Afterwards, the kirtaneers invited the young couple to take some prasadam upstairs. I stayed and chanted some rounds. I was happy to leave the crowds at Apple behind and be in front of the Lord. OK, i thought, it's not popular but it's real. That's a relief.

Today was Narasinga Caturdasi, so i decided to go again to the temple. Today the temple, being Sunday and a holy day, was packed. Again, it was 90% Indian. I arrived during a fire yajna. Fire yajnas were never one of my favorite things. They are Vedic, but in my opinion, Iskcon overdoes them. And why? Because it's a way to get their donors, the Indian community, to give more. It's a ritual they can relate with. I stayed for the yajna and then had darshan of the deities, as the devotees led Guru Puja for the murti of Srila Prabhuapada who sits on a vysasan at the back of the temple. Call me cynical or call me a pasandi (atheist), but i felt not an iota of bhakti in their kirtan. To my ears, it was a show. It appears to me that Iskcon is now a religion like all others, this one catering to its congregation of pious Hindus. And cultivating its donor base. Preaching? Yeah, to the choir.

Maybe if Steve Jobs had met Srila Prabhupada things could have turned out different. It might be just as materialistic, but at least it would have been better designed.

Parama Karuna

2008-05-14T17:46:00.001-05:00

One of Srila Prabhupada's favorite Bengali bhajans is a song by Srila Locan das Thakur, Sri Sri Gaura-Nityanander Doya. It's commonly known as "Parama Karuna," from the first two words of the song.

Those two persons, dui jana, who are the supremely kind divinity, are actually Nitai and Gauracandra. They are the most precious of all jewel-like transcendental avatars. Amongst divine incarnations who descend from Vaikuntha, these two are the best. In this descent, they don't kill any big demons with weapons. They deliver the demoniac masses with the power of their Ecstatic Love.

The songwriter then tells the listener: dear brother, with firm faith, let go of your material addictions. Give up the imaginary pursuit of pleasure and prestige in this world. Absorb yourself in Nama prabhu. Chant his names and connect to the Lord.

Then he says: Don't worry, you will never find anyone in this universe more merciful or more generous than these two Brothers. They will easily deliver you. Even birds and animals taste ecstasy and stones melt just by hearing of their transcendental qualities.

Finally, Locan das laments on our behalf. It seems that death will force him to suffer the reactions of his karma, because he stubbornly clings to his material identity. He cries that he is unable to aspire for the lotus feet of Nityananda and Caitanya.

Prabhupada's singing of this bhajan is wonderful. Two versions: CDV 21-05 and CDV 23=05 in the Vintage Series. There are also English purports spoken by Prabhupada after each song.

The End of Politics

2008-05-06T01:11:00.000-05:00

After spending valuable time reading the NY Times along with many other online publications (including the Sampradaya Sun), i've come to a conclusion. There is no end to politics.

Politics is about finding fault. Finding someone to blame for our misery. Projecting a demon outside the self. Making a hero out of the false ego, a king out of a beggar.

I read an article about feminism infiltrating Iskcon. Another condemning most of the human population of the world as meat-eating Abrahamic donkeys (referring to every living Jew, Christian and Muslim). These articles were written by thoughtful devotees. It shocked me at first, until i realized that devotees are no different than any other conditioned soul, until they develop real humility and tolerance as taught by Mahaprabhu (trnad api sunicena).

Jnana is not that much different than ignorance until the heart becomes purified and is lit up from realization. Enlightened. Just as power or any opulence can be used for good or bad, so too can knowledge. Ravana was a brahmin.

So the world goes on perpetuating lies about itself. Lies that I am number one. Or as Prabhupada said, quoting the demoniac mind: I am God. That's the essence of politics. I cloak myself in any manner of holy garb: as an ayatollah, guru, monk, priest or president. But whatever my dress, politics means that I have the answer and that the problem is somehow out there, threatening, foreign, to be attacked. That's the false ego projecting the shadow of its own darkness. A perfect example of illusion that is impossible to overcome without surrendering to the Perfect Intelligence.

Pandering Politicians

2008-05-02T15:31:00.000-05:00

From a conversation on May 1, 1976 with Srila Prabhupada:
"These leaders, they are samstutah, they are very much worshiped. By whom? Sva-vid-varahostra-kharaih. By the dogs, by the pigs, by the.... sva-vid-varaha..., camel, and by the ass. Because these particular names, I have explained in the Bhagavata... So suppose one man has become lion, and he's praised by dogs, camels, asses, and pigs. Naturally, they will praise, "Oh, sir, you are the king." Does it mean he's king? He's animal.

"So it is going on. They are electing a big animal as president. And when he begins to eat, animal, big animal, then they protest, "Oh, now he's not proper president. Get him down, get him down." But why you sent him? "Because we are pigs; we have no other knowledge. We another, appoint another big pig as our president." Everything is explained in the Vedic literature.

"The voters are sva-vid-varahostra-khara. And the president is another big animal. That's all. This is transaction of animal kingdom. A lion is the king of some asses, pigs, dogs, and hogs. What business you can expect there? This is their real picture. One who is a human being, he's seeing that how the animals are enjoying by voting and electing president. But they are thinking, "We are busy in a very great business. We are electing president."

Now a major election is going on in the US, and the graphic example that Prabhupada took from the Bhagavatam can be seen in the behavior of the pandering politicians running for President. The Republican, John McCain, who wants to keep US troops in Iraq for another 100 years, and the Democrat, Hillary Clinton, who will say or do anything to get elected, are caricatures of the animals Prabhupada spoke about. They pander to the ignorant masses who identify with them based on gender, race, class or so-called values.

Barack Obama is relatively better, at least he has more noble ideals. But he's being chased around the room by other animals with sticks, who accuse him of not being tough enough or middle class enough or 'white' enough to make a good President. It's a very ugly scene. Even if he somehow wins the nomination and election, Obama will be under terrific pressure from demoniac and divisive forces who will do everything in their power to turn the already polarized citizens against him.

The real issues facing the world are so grave they need immediate attention. But they will go unaddressed while people are distracted until our collective karma produces a crisis of huge proportions. It looks like that is coming soon enough. The current transactions of ignorance, dressed up as advanced civilization, will not be sustainable when the economic and political tsunamis hit our shores. The effects will be devastating and global. We are already starting to see the early signs in food shortages, inflation, bank meltdowns and soaring energy prices.

In an eerily similar way, the politicians of Iskcon pander to their congregations, entertaining them with comical anecdotes, bhagavat saptas, sentimental performances and personal stories. None of these methods were taught to us by Srila Prabhupada. But it's good for collecting disciples and donations while travelling around the world accepting gorgeous positions as gurus and quasi-spiritual leaders. In the meantime, their temples (at least in North America) are empty, just like the churches, except on Sundays, when they are filled with pious Hindus who come for darshan. No one talks about varnashram or any serious alternatives to this material society, and no one seeks to bring back the 95% of Prabhupada's direct disciples who left Iskcon and are not welcome back into the "family" unless they come to glorify the saffron-clad leaders who got themselves elected to the vyasasans.

While this game is going on, the collective consciousness of the world keeps accelerating faster towards a crash and transformation that only Krishna knows how traumatic it will be. While blind leaders-- secular and spiritual both-- are pandering and being praised, the world is quickly losing its balance. The compassionate paradigm that Prabhupada taught us was: "let the blind man and the lame man combine to lift up the world." The miserly paradigm now being followed is: "let blind leaders pander and be worshipped by their blind followers. So what if they both land up in the ditch? That's not our business." It's a topsy-turvy philosophy. It's certainly not vaisnava philosophy.

You can know the truth when you can see it. Prabhupada is showing it and teaching us how to see it. But we need to open our ears if we want to see it with our eyes. Is anyone listening past the pandering?

Prabhupada's Melliferous Voice

2008-04-27T11:00:00.000-05:00

I've been listening to a lot of the Vintage series of recordings produced many years ago by the BBT. It's a collection of kirtan and bhajan recordings that Srila Prabhupada made, either singing solo, leading kirtans, or sometimes, singing in response to one of his disciple's leading kirtan.

Prabhupada was very humble about his own singing. He insisted his lectures be recorded, for the benefit of his disciples and future generations. But i think it was more by the initiative of his disciples that his singing was also recorded. I was in L.A. in 1972 when he recorded some bhajans at a small studio we had there. We had to ask him to record them. After finishing a bhajan, he asked us if it was all right, and went on to sing the next one. Everything of course was just one take. Sometimes he added his own mrdunga (drum) or kartals (hand cymbals) part on another track. That same year, he also sang the first couple of chapters of Srimad Bhagavatam and Bhagavad-gita-- specifically for me-- to engage me. He suggested that i could go to the temples and teach the devotees how to sing Gita and Bhagavatam verses.

What strikes me most about Prabhupada's voice is how comforting it is. It's like a giant banyan tree, offering beauty and shelter to anyone who comes close to it. Late last nite i was lying in bed, half or 3/4 asleep while a kirtan led by Visnujan Swami was softly playing on my iPod speakers. Then there were some excited sounds, and all of sudden, Prabhupada's voice was leading the kirtan. Hearing his voice gave me a sense of great relief. There was nothing wrong with Visnujana's singing, but somehow it did not pacify me; there was some effort to it. But as soon as Prabhupada started singing, there was no more anxiety. It felt like Vaikuntha.

Prabhupada's voice, for me, is the most distinct and richest voice i have ever heard. It is a voice saturated with love. Effortless and intense at the same time, it's soaked in the honey of prema. Prabhupada was not a trained singer, but his melodies and the inflections of his notes are very unique. In all my travels in India, i have never heard anyone else sing in that way. He had his own mode of expression, based on his pure heart and his inner life, not on a musical style or a desire to imitate or to show off. Prabhupada was never "trying" to be anyone other than himself. He was never a "wannabe" as so many of our godbrothers have become. He never even played the role of world acarya. He just was. And it shows in his voice. The sound of a voice does not lie if one's ears are open. Even if you cannot understand the meaning, a pure voice alone can enlighten you. An impure voice may entertain, but it can never purify anyone.

Many times he told his disciples that we are not musicians but devotees. He warned us that the quality of devotional feeling is what matters; not any technical skills. Yet, he had both: his honey-saturated voice could easily melt one's heart, and his melodies, inflections, mrdunga and harmonium playing were extraordinary and gifted. And Prabhupada did all of it as naturally as a bee takes nectar from a flower.

Prabhupada, please give me this blessing: that i can continue to hear your singing and your melliferous voice in every one of my coming births.

A Small Story

2008-04-24T14:41:00.000-05:00

Today i woke up and went to check my email. I have a wireless connection to the internet, via a "data card." It's a small portable modem that connects to my computer via the USB port, and gets a signal from one of the wireless networks. This morning when i connected it, i couldn't get online. A "modem error" message came up on the screen. So i called the wireless company's tech support and explained that the modem wasn't working on either of my two Macs. He said, must be the modem, if it doesn't work on both machines. He advised me to go back to the store where i purchased it and swap it or upgrade the card.

That meant a trip to Boston. Since i found the store originally when i was on my way to the temple one day last month, naturally i thought it would be a good chance to have darshan of Sri Sri Radha Gopi Ballabha. I decided when i moved to Cambridge that i would go once a week for darshan. Not because the temple atmosphere was inspiring, but because the deities are charming, transcendental, and i was lucky enough to be there when they originally were brought to Boston and personally installed by Srila Prabhupada. Why else would Krishna want to live in Boston, i thought, except on the invitation of his beloved pure devotee?

I got to the temple around noon, just in time for the Noon arotik. I rang the bell (the front door was locked) and one mataji let me in. I took off my shoes and thanked her. Inside the temple, the deities looked gorgeous. I commend the devotees and in particular, the pujaris, for keeping up a high standard of beauty and regularity in the deity worship. There was a tape playing, so i chanted a few rounds during the arotik. An older Indian man arrived with a large cloth bag. He stood in front of the deities, carefully taking items out of his bag and arranging them on a tray. Tulasi manjaris, milk sweets, fruits, a $20 bill and a few tupperware containers with unknown contents. He placed them on a plastic tray on the arotik table, after the pujari had finished his offering. He also had what looked like an invitation in his hand that he was offering to Radha Gopi Ballabha. This offering the invitation and praying went on for awhile. I thought the man was perhaps inviting the Lord and seeking his blessings for a wedding.

After the pujari took the tray of offerings from the man, he handed the pujari the printed invitation and requested he place it on the altar. Then, the man walked around me (so he would not walk in front of me and offend me) to the Donation Box and made another cash donation. I thought the whole exchange was touching. As he was leaving the temple room, i wanted to say something to him. "So you invited the Lord to your daughter's wedding?" I asked, just guessing. "Yes," the man quietly replied, "my daughter is getting married," as he reached into his bag to offer me one of the milk sweets still in the bag. "I'm sure he will attend," I said back to him, as a way of acknowledging his devotion.

Such an exchange is quite remarkable when you think about it. Someone inviting God to their daughter's wedding. Sure, the father wants blessings, as all parents want, for his daughter's happiness and security. But to personally come to the temple and extend an invitation to the Lord shows the essence of personalism. There are plenty of codes and rituals in all religions, but in a spiritual culture, a pious father humbly asks Krishna, the Supreme Person, to please attend his daughter's wedding.

This is the meaning of the culture that Srila Prabhupada introduced to the West. How come then, his own disciples have such a difficult time to apply it, even amongst their own god brothers and sisters, friends and disciples? The unfortunate answer is, they are not practicing spiritual culture, no matter how many seminars on Radha Kund or Bhagavat Saptas they give. They are practicing a form of material culture, with their own brand of politics, diplomacy and donation/disciple collecting. Personalism is what is missing in Iskcon. The leaders should learn from that simple man whom i met at the temple today. They should get down from their stages and learn to become real spiritualists.

Brighter Than Millions of Suns

2008-04-19T18:11:00.000-05:00

Today i was feeling an extreme sense of loneliness. Being here in Cambridge, without knowing a single soul, it seems like a kind of torture sometimes. It's not worse than being in bad company, or being under someone's control, but being alone can make one feel mad at times. Living in the holy dhams, i never felt this kind of feeling, because Krishna's presence can be perceived even by an ordinary person. But being here in this material culture, especially in the West, is another story. There is a great poverty of soul here. A feast for the senses, fast for the soul. An almost maddening fever.

Looking out my window on the 3rd floor of the loft where i'm staying, i stared at the sun which was in the western sky. It was a beautiful clear, spring day, and this was just a half hour or so before sunset. Looking at the sun, a thought came to me: Krishna is brighter than millions of these intense shining balls of light and heat. These are his energy, his creation, his heat and his light. But unlike the sun, he is always with us. Always. In all circumstances, all conditions of life. That thought somehow gave me great comfort and strength. And the understanding, that this feeling of loneliness is just another illusion that we experience in our sojourn thru this world. Sometimes burdened with family, sometimes bound with affection for sons or daughters, husbands or wives, and sometimes, just feeling terribly alone. It's all part of our dream. Because in truth, we are accompanied always by that One who is more effulgent, brighter than millions of suns.

Nitya nityanam centanas cetenanam....the Eternal amongst all eternals,
the Conscious Source amongst conscious beings....
Eko bahunam.... eko means that One, Krishna....
yo vidadhati kaman.... who shines like the sun and is the One who supplies everyone with all our needs, all our desires.

Ravana & Sita

2008-04-17T08:47:00.000-05:00

This morning for some reason i was thinking about Ravana. About how he kidnapped Sita, despite having everything he could possibly want. He was king of the most opulent country in the world at the time. He had technology beyond our current advanced science. He was able to create a passage thru the core of the earth (some say to Brazil) to collect the gold that covered Lanka's buildings. He also had the technology to create a staircase to the heavenly planets (long before Led Zeppelin wrote the song). His harem included the most beautiful women in the world, and his fighters were the best military persons. Many of them had mystic powers. Even his advisors were top-notch. In fact, he was a brahman who had vast knowledge of politics and diplomacy. Lord Rama told Laksman to ask Ravana for advice when Ravana was dying on the battlefield. Ravana said that if there is some auspicious work to do, do it immediately, and if there is something inauspicious, one should procrastinate. He cited how he did the opposite: by kidnapping Sita, he had put off his plans to build a passage to heaven. Instead of enjoying in those higher planets, he was now dying from a fatal wound inflicted by Rama.

Ravana's achilles heel, of course, was his lust. He could not shake off the illicit desire he felt in his heart to enjoy the goddess of fortune. Despite the good advice he received within his own circle, he relentlessly pursued her. Similarly, in spite of so many good instructions from various spiritual traditions and teachers, it is very difficult for us to control our senses and become real yogis in this world.

When we look at spiritual institutions like Iskcon we also see how another form of lust, known as pratishta, the desire for prestige, dominates its thinking. Rather than create a model of transparency and individual empowerment as Prabhupada wanted, the powers that be have created a sticky, ugly mess that excludes most of the direct disciples of Srila Prabhupada. Even when a disciple develops the maturity to want to take sannyas, the renounced order, he has to pledge allegiance not to his spiritual master and Krishna, but to the GBC! What a farce.

But returning to the main point, how is is possible to practice spiritual qualities in a world that is so polluted in its consciousness? One needs to listen to the words of saintly persons who have no motivation other than service to guru and God. Even if one is deaf, due to madness, intoxication or illusion, by repeatedly listening to the words and songs of holy persons, it will act on one's heart and gradually it will clear the heart of all muddy things. The lotus of good fortune will grow from that spot.

Love Is As Love Does

2008-04-11T12:02:00.000-05:00

Today's headline comes by way of a comment made by Ananda Swarup prabhu in the comments section of my last post. It was in response to another comment about how love should be the standard devotees have for dealing with each other.

Love is the most used and most abused word in English today. "All you need is Love, Love is all you Need." It was true when the Beatles sang it on the first live world television broadcast 40 years ago. And it will always be true. But what is love? Obviously the Beatles didn't know. Neither did anyone else in our "Love Generation" or any other generation. Love is actually fiction in the material world, an illusory condition.

The first time we got a glimpse of what love really is, is when we had our first darshan of Srila Prabhupada. We couldn't see love or Prabhupada properly then, because of the spiritual cataracts in our eyes. But we could sense it. It was very intense, emotional, penetrating and controlled. We had never experienced anything like that before.

Love's first quality is that it is searching after itself. When Prabhupada looked at you (and practically everyone had a similar experience), he could look right thru you, right into your heart. You felt that he was looking at your being, someone you did not know yourself. It was embarassing. Prabhupada, who was overflowing with love for Krishna, was looking for that love in us.

Love is also connected to service. Prabhupada knew we were completely covered by our senses, so he focused our attention to service. He was very expert in encouraging us to engage, to "dovetail" our abilities in service to Krishna. We serve what we love. On the material plane, if someone is our master, we serve him for money, or sometimes, in dire situations, for fear of our life. Everyone loves their life. If someone is our lover, we serve him or her for the enjoyment they give us. If they are our children, we serve them because we identify with them; we see them as extentions of ourself.

Somehow, Prabhupada inspired us to serve Krishna, whom we didn't know at all. None of us were Vedic scholars; most of us had never heard the name "Krishna" before. And Prabhupada also convinced us to live together as a spiritual family. He named that family Iskcon. It was not a new church or religious cult he was founding. It was an association of devotees to cultivate love for Krishna. He created us as devotees. He did not create a hierarchy. He did not create an elite. He wanted us to cooperate as equals. He wanted us to focus on bhakti for the Lord. And to practice tolerance, humility and appreciation for each other.

As my godbrother said, love is as love does. If you see that love in Iskcon, that example of how Srila Prabhupada wanted the devotees to associate, then you don't have a problem. As i've been writing on this blog, i don't see that. I see ambition, greed, incompetence, lack of respect and intolerance. I also see a huge hierarchy in place of the fraternity that Prabhupada wanted. That's why i'm not associating with Iskcon now. But that does not mean i am free to just sit and criticize. I should accept the responsibility to search for love of Krishna, and for the qualities of Prabhupada that are missing in Iskcon, in my own heart. Once i get a glimpse of that in myself, i can easily share it with others. Until that time, at least i can practice kindness, openness and respect for other jivas. And i can share my experiences with others, as i am doing in this blog.

All of this is easier to say than to practice. But this is the great challenge and great blessing given to us by our master. He who showed us what love really is, and what love really does.

Why I Write

2008-04-10T01:52:00.000-05:00

One devotee who read my last post questioned my motives for writing. That's a fair question.

I write because it's the only thing i am inspired to do right now. It may surprise some that criticism can be a form of preaching. Preaching or kirtan means to glorify the absolute truth. To tell the truth, you need to see the truth, not as it's packaged by so-called authorities, but with your own eyes. There are real authorities who can give us the truth. Those are pure devotees. The worldwide community of neophyte devotees is suffering due to a lack of pure devotees who can guide them. No material solution can replace this great scarcity of unmotivated and uninterrupted bhakti in our world today.

So when i write, i try to express my experiences and my humble realizations. Of course, you can ask me if i'm pure. And the answer is clearly NO. My heart is at least as polluted as the next one, if not more. So then what's the difference between me and the devotees i'm criticizing? Not much. Except, i'm admitting who i am. I'm saying i can't lead you, but neither can your so-called leaders lead you. The emperor has no clothes. In other words, you are being mislead. Open your eyes.

I'm not against my godbrothers. Those who stayed in Iskcon and those who started their own groups are all devotees. Some are better or purer than others. Some can actually help you to a degree. But beware of cheating, hypocrisy and deceit. These are the qualities that allow Kali to infiltrate and sabotage a spiritual movement. These are qualities that should be exposed. Don't be fooled by saffron or silk. The pen is mightier than the danda.

I don't have the answers or the solutions. The younger devotees want positive examples and solutions. I don't blame them. But before you get answers, you first need to ask the proper questions. First question is: why did 95% of Prabhupada's disciples leave Iskcon after Prabhupada left? Did they stop loving Prabhupada? Or did they stop feeling the mercy of Prabhupada in Iskcon? Before you cure a disease, you need to diagnose the patient. No diagnosis, no chance for a cure.

You can't be sentimental. Krishna told this to Arjuna. You need to face the truth and act from the truth. Not from sentiment or attachment or aversion. Look at the truth and hope and pray for some inspiration. And the truth is that Iskcon has deviated from Prabhupada, and while it may look and talk as if it represents Prabhupada, it no longer does. At least not the Prabhupada i knew. Today's Iskcon represents the desires of its less-than-pure leaders who wave the flag of Prabhupada to promote their own agenda. For many devotees, that's a hard pill to swallow.

I certainly don't get any money or prestige from writing these posts. Neither do i have a political agenda. I'm not a ritvik or a follower of a competitor group. What i want from writing is more clarity and inspiration to make progress on my spiritual path. That's probably what everyone reading this post also wants. But this inspiration must come from above, not from matter. Not from a committee, not from laws, not from a rubber stamped sadhu, or from loyalty to an autocracy. It must come from spirit, from Krishna, from the words and examples and blessings of paramahamsas. Do you get it?

Iskcon Antics or Krishna Lila?

2008-04-05T22:41:00.001-05:00

Tonite i was browsing thru the Sampradaya Sun, as part of my news habit. I read a short piece on the dangers ahead for the well educated and well behaved devotees of the Chowpatty temple in Mumbai. I spent seven weeks as a guest in that temple in 2002. The devotees treated me very nicely. I had long hair at the time (even a moustache i think) and i had not been a big devotee from the past. But because i was Radhanath Swami's guest and godbrother, i was offered a decent place to sleep and a lot of respect. I was also expected to be pro-Radhanath and pro-Iskcon, and any deviation from the party line would have probably revoked my privileges immediately. But as a good guest, i behaved according to expectations. And i sincerely appreciated the good association i received. It softened my heart for Iskcon (a second time). But after going from there to Juhu, where i stayed when i recorded my album Jivatma Express in a studio in nearby Andheri, and then back to Vrindavan, and finally, spending almost one year in Mayapur in the householder section of Iskcon, it soured me on Iskcon a second time. This time was without the anger and disillusionment of the first experience. My eyes were wide open, and i was not surprised when i realized that at least in its present incarnation, Iskcon is a damned institution. Yes, damned! Cursed by inept leadership, non-transparency, narrow-mindedness, misconceptions, and a multitude of prejudices and offenses towards other vaisnavas and people in general. So, for all of my nice memories of Chowpatty-- and the really beautiful hearts of some of the brahmacaries i met there-- i could never go back, except for a brief visit.

Actually i cannot understand how the devotees got it so wrong. How could they not get the inner mood of Srila Prabhupada? Why would they be satisfied only to imitate the externals? But this is the material world. Everyone in this world is damned to be an imitator of the Lord, and the institutions that are created thru great sacrifice by world teachers to revive the original spirit in jiva souls, are also damned by their followers who imitate the externals of religion and service to God. I'm not judging individuals. Everyone has their own path back to Godhead, and it is not for me or anyone to judge another. But it is up to each of us to open our eyes and walk our own walk on that path.

Another article in today's Sun described the famous vaisnava poet and composer, Jayadeva. He is most famous as author of Das Avatar, the classic Sanskrit poem depicting the incarnations of Krishna. Jayadeva was also a favorite poet of Lord Caitanya's, who spent much time hearing Jayadeva's verses. Reading about Jayadeva's life and his offerings of poetry, music and choreography to Lord Jagannath is inspiring. Here was a great genius in literature and music, but without any self-infatuation. All of his art was an offering to the Lord. He was indifferent to the political antics of his time and fully absorbed in describing the spotless pastimes of the Lord. That's a great lesson, a difficult lesson for us, who are conditioned to the desire for acceptance and averse to rejection by our peers. But in the end, whom do we want to remember? The transcendental and infinitely beautiful Lord of all creation, or the three stooges?

Please, Please Krishna

2008-03-30T22:12:00.000-05:00

Tonite i'm settling in to an apartment in Cambridge, Massachusetts. This place is a small studio loft, about one mile from Harvard University. I don't have any particular business here, nor do i know a soul in this part of the world. But in order to stay in the US for the time being, i chose this area.

I haven't lived in one place in the US since i left Honolulu in 2000. Since then i've lived with friends in Europe and i've rented about 9 or 10 apartments all over India. I even bought, renovated and sold a place in Sridham Mayapur, West Bengal. I've lived out of suitcases for the last 8 years. So settling down and actually emptying my suitcase feels a bit strange. It feels awkward to be out of the transit lounge for awhile.

Existentially, we all are in the transit lounge known as "the material body." Otherwise known in Sanskrit as "samsara." We are here to enjoy and suffer the effects from our most recent stopovers in this mad universe. And we are here to learn the necessity of no more stopovers. Non-stop to freedom, please. Non-stop to non-reactions, please. Non-stop to taste for Nam prabhu, please. Non-stop to inner peace, please. All this is possible if our please is loud enough and persistent enough. If our please becomes a sincere cry for help. It's all in the please.

Looking In Instead of Out

2008-03-27T14:25:00.000-05:00

In my last post i wrote about moving on, meaning to give up old attachments. We get stuck in things to the point where we stop being aware of them. We can't even tell how we got stuck. When we are forced, by circumstance or time, to let go, it comes as a shock. Painful. But we should prepare for these shocks, because they are as natural and common as tremors in Tokyo.

The solution to moving on, of course, is to move within. To focus on the internal life, the reality of our real life as a jiva soul. That is what sages and yogis and bhaktas do. But try being a sage in our society. A society fixated on externals, packaging, glamour, appearance, outward achievement. Even when we join a spiritual society or movement whose goals are to achieve realization of the self and God, the conditioning of the followers does not encourage true introspection. Those personalities who invariably rise to the surface and become prominent are motivated by looking out, building alliances, taking credit, grasping for power. Thus, every church or temple has atheism built into its foundation due to the nature of conditioned souls, as the great Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati once observed.

How does this happen? It's the mind: best of friends, worst of enemies, according to the Supreme Mind, Sri Krishna, who told this to Arjuna in the Gita. The mind, which is an energy of the Lord, and is originally situated in the mode of goodness, becomes overcome by dualities. Dualities that are populated by impressions mostly in the modes of passion and ignorance. It is these dualities that prevent us from seeing the unity in diversity that is God and His creation. Krishna is in everything and everything is in Krishna. vasudevah sarvam iti sa mahatma sudurlabhah (Such a great soul who knows that Krishna is the source of everything is extremely rare. Bhagavad gita 7.19)

Duality prevents us from seeing how Krishna is the source of all. Duality prevents us from looking within to see the inner beauty of ourselves and others and from seeing the divine beauty of the Lord. Even the people closest to us become like mirrors of our own outward looking nature. So we struggle within ourselves and with those around us.

There is everything to be grateful for and everything to praise when one has conquered his mind. The great challenge and theme for the neophyte transcendentalist is to change the direction from looking out to looking in. It cannot be done by seminars or meetings, by resolutions or edicts. It can only be done by an individual who has become exhausted by the dualities of this world and wants to surrender. Such a sincere person is very rare.

He or she is one amongst millions who can go from riding the waves on the surface of the modes of nature (and consistently drowning in her sorrows), to diving deep into the waters of dedication and love. Such a person, by the grace of God, is able to see the pure goodness of their Beloved Lord, unity in the diversity, even in the midst of the most disturbing duality. Such a person is happy in this world of misery. His only grief is to see the suffering of others. sa mahatma sudurlabhah.

Moving Within

2008-03-21T17:33:00.000-05:00

All glories to the eternal Golden Moon, Sri Gaurachandra! All glories to the Golden Beauty, Sr Gaurasundara!

Today i went again to the Iskcon temple on Commonwealth Avenue for the festival of Lord Caitanya's Appearance Day. For some reason, i had an expectation. Whenever i expect something, i'm disappointed. Without expectation, there is no disappointment, and sometimes there is a surprised delight. But with expectation, disappointment is almost certain.

My expectation today was that somehow i would experience something transcendental. I would be carried into a transcendental state on this holiest of days (which happens to coincide with Good Friday). As it turned out today, the devotees are all pious people, but are conditioned by the same laws i am. And since i've witnessed both my own conditioning and the conditioning of devotees for almost the last 40 years, it all seemed way too predictable. It was a script i had already read too many times.

It's not necessary to go into the details. All intentions were nice, but suffice it to say, that after one hour in the temple, i was unwilling to sit thru another 2-3 hours. While i'm very familiar with all the temple activities, and their connection to Krishna, for me it was too difficult not to judge and not to be disappointed by the lack of spontaneity and lack of spiritual emotion generated by these rituals. I could have been sitting in a church or a synagogue or a mosque just as i was in the temple. I would have been respectful and i would have been bored in a similar way. Perhaps this is simply my own failing, my own atheism, coming to the surface. That's quite possible.

But rather than fight it, or go to sleep by it, i decided to get up and walk out. No matter how nice, religion falls short for me. It was a transcendental movement-- not a religion-- that attracted my heart 40 years ago, and it still attracts me. But it's not there anymore. When Prabhupada was here, despite all the flaws within me and around me, it still felt like a movement. Now, short a miracle of meeting another pure devotee in this life, nothing outside moves me. No group, no school, no society, no politics and no entertainment. There is no movement, or illusion of movement, after 40 years of searching.

I don't see myself as a victim. I think of myself as a thief who has finally been caught. Now i need to give back the stolen goods and to atone. Only this will bring me peace and movement within, movement towards transcendence. I need to move on, to move within.

All glories to the eternal Golden Limbed Sri Gauranga Mahaprabhu. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

Boston Hare Krishna

2008-03-16T19:37:00.000-05:00

Tonite I'm in Boston. It feels cold here, after being in Florida and D.C. I visited the Hare Krishna temple this evening for their famous Sunday feast program. The temple is located in a beautiful century-old brownstone on one of the nicest streets in Back Bay, an elegant neighborhood. The building was probably purchased around 30 years ago, when it was cheap. Now it's worth millions, and surprisingly, the idiot GBCs didn't sell it off years ago, like they sold big properties in other major cities like New York City, Amsterdam, Paris, etc. So Iskcon has a beautiful building in Boston.

The temple is well maintained by what seems to be a combination of middle aged Indians and a few younger westerners. I don't know the details, but it appears to be functioning, like all Hare Krishna temples in the West, by the mercy of donations from the Indian community. About 80% or more of the guests tonite are from that community. It is really their temple. Being Indian, and pious, they are gentle, welcoming and tolerant towards all.

I missed the class but the kirtan was pretty nice, although led by an off-key singer. It felt at times a bit like forced exuburance, but did not go on interminably. And the prasadam was mild, tasty and very politely served by Indian devotees wearing plastic sanitary gloves. It was a very nice feast. Afterwards, i walked around, went upstairs to wash my hands, visited a store inside the temple and a few of the other public rooms. Again, it was mostly Indians, mostly male and mostly professionals. It could have been an IT conference. But it was KC.

I was a stranger there and only one devotee approached me to offer any assistance and to ask if it was my first visit. Actually it was my first time in that building. I was at the former location of the temple in 1971, when Srila Prabhupada installed the current deities, Sri Sri Radha Gopinath. It was nice to have Their darshan after so many years. It feels like another life.

My wanderings over the last 37 years, from country to country, house to house, ashram to ashram, looking for "my place," is what a good friend in Amsterdam wrote to me, a "reflection of our wandering from body to body, never satisfied, always defeated yet with renewed, but doomed hope every time. As Krsna advises in the 13th chapter (Bhagavad gita), 'see the evils of birth and death.'" Many people would say that is pessimistic. But Krishna says no, it's realistic. Evil is not about what others to do us, but what we do to ourselves.

We are not born free in this material world. We are bound by nature's laws, by our karma and by our misconceptions. Those misconceptions are the cause of our continued suffering. We can't change the laws of nature nor can we change our karma. But we can purify our existence by becoming aware of our misconceptions. Taking corrective medicine in the form of chanting the holy names of God and associating with the words and when possible, the presence, of saints is the path to freedom. All other paths lead us into deeper bondage. It may sound harsh, but this is our choice.

Old Friends

2008-03-09T12:50:00.000-05:00

I've been absent for awhile from blogland. I was on the road, flying from here to there. A couple days ago, i landed in Washington, D.C., to meet an old, dear friend. We first met 40 years ago, in New York City. We were young seekers, looking for God. We took drugs together searching for higher meaning, and joined Iskcon together a couple of years later, compelled to follow the pure devotee who was the great guru of our times. Now, half a lifetime later, we met again, deep into our middle age. My friend is doing well. He wears a Muslim prayer cap now, and his path is informed by the spiritual traditions of Iran and the language of the Koran. While the form he embraces is now Sufism, he is still the same seeker.

Friends are mirrors, just as are all close relationships. We want to see our friends reinforce our good qualities and are uncomfortable when they show us our faults and limitations. But it is not the sharing of judgements or belief systems that is really important, but the sharing of basic values, especially the values of self realization and devotion to one Supreme Being. It is that sharing which gives us inspiration and hope.

After the pride and intoxication of our youth has been humbled by the force of time, it's nice to see that those values we were so idealistic about in our youth remain as the core content of our lives. Form is a function of content, and the form of God consciousness has manifold expressions. Regardless of the form, the expression is always good when the content is God, Who is all-good and all-inclusive. It is He only who reconciles all diversity and all contradictions in the unity of His personality. We who are lost in the duality of forms in this world, can be relieved and liberated when we recognize and serve the purpose of that Supreme Personality.

Suffering as Mercy

2008-02-17T11:38:00.000-06:00

From a letter written by Srila Prabhupada to his disciple, Guru das, on February 13, 1968:

I have received also one letter from Upendra today, and I am so glad he is released within 10 days. That was my expectation when he came to see me, that he couldn't be incarcerated for more than a week. This instance of suffering by a devotee should be carefully noted. As Upendra was in the beginning incarcerated for 3 months, it was reduced to one week; similarly, when a devotee is seen in trouble, it should be accepted as God's Mercy.

Just like Upendra's suffering for 3 months was destined by the law, but by the Mercy of God the suffering is reduced to one week only. So a devotee always accepts his distress as minimized by God's Mercy, although he would have to suffer many more times the suffering. Any one who accepts this philosophy of God's Mercy in suffering conditions, and still makes progress in Krishna Consciousness, it is said that he is sure to go back to Home, Back to Godhead.

Obama & Krishna

2008-02-14T17:47:00.001-06:00

If anyone is following the news, one cannot avoid reading about the race for President of the US. And the most exciting person by far in that race is an African-American (father from Kenya, mother from Kansas) born in Hawaii, Senator Barack Obama.

Obama's fame and popularity have risen beyond rock star proportions. He's become like one of the Beatles in their prime. Wherever he goes, he attracts arenas full of people-- many of them young-- and inspires tremendous hope. That he is running on the platform of hope, against the forces of the status quo, is what makes his candidacy unique. And that he is one of the most gifted speakers in more than a generation gives him superstar attraction.

I have been following his campaign for the past six weeks as it's dramatically unfolded. And not because of any interest in politics, but because of the tone and intellect of Obama. He has become the voice of a new generation of Americans who are ignorant of what is really good for them but want something more than what they have now. They are dissatisfied with the lies, deception and hypocrisy they have seen in their leaders. They have placed their hope in Obama, and so far, he seems to be channeling their trust perfectly. His gifts and his timing will probably make him the next President of the US.

The question will then become -- beyond the rhetoric of hope and change-- can Obama deliver anything new, anything valuable? Can any man, conditioned as we all are in this highly material society, actually be tranformative and move the world towards a brighter, more enlightened space?? Or will he be consumed and co-opted by the huge and heavy forces of insidious darkness, the godless corporate demons?

For Krishna, nothing is impossible. If he wants, Krishna can empower anyone, any jiva, to accomplish his will. He empowered Hanuman, a monkey, to discover Sita and burn down Lanka. (Although Hanuman is an incarnation of Sankara, Lord Siva.) He empowered Arjuna to kill Bhisma and conquer the greatest army ever assembled on the battlefield of Kuruksetra. And he empowered Srila Prabhupada to deliver both the Yuga dharma (chanting of the holy names) and Krishna prema (divine love) to the far corners of the globe in 12 short years.

These are mahabhagavat pure devotees. They were given special powers to achieve the internal desires of Krishna, and for their surrendered efforts they received eternal fame. Real agents of transformation are those who single-mindedly overcome all obstacles to carry out Krishna's will.

Barack Obama is not an empowered devotee but he's a good man, a gifted, justice-seeking, inspired politician. He has intelligence and openness and some awareness of the unity behind the diversity, at least in humankind. There is a kind of recognition of the transcendent in Obama that is absent in almost all other politicians. This quality sets him apart and inspires hope in people, and this is the mystical power of his campaign i think.  
From his speech on Feb. 12th, after he won three landslide primaries, here are a few things he said (to see and hear him speak is like watching a great artist, but these are the points that struck me in his speech):

"We know our road will not be easy. But we also know that at this moment the cynics can no longer say our hope is false.

"It's a game where Democrats and Republicans fail to come together year after year after year, while another mother goes without health care for her sick child. That's why we have to put an end to the division and distraction in Washington, so that we can unite this nation around a common purpose, a higher purpose.

"It's a game where the only way for Democrats to look tough on national security is by talking, and acting and voting like Bush-McCain Republicans, while our troops are sent to fight tour after tour of duty in a war that should've never been authorized and should've never been waged. That's what happens when we use 9/11 to scare up votes, and that's why we need to do more than end a war – we need to end the mindset that got us into war.

"That's the choice in this primary. It's about whether we choose to play the game, or whether we choose to end it...

"That is our calling in this campaign. To reaffirm that fundamental belief – I am my brother's keeper, I am my sister's keeper – that makes us one. The politics of hope does not mean hoping things come easy. Because nothing worthwhile in this country has ever happened unless somebody, somewhere stood up when it was hard; stood up when they were told – no you can't, and said yes we can.

"It's the same message we had when we were up, and when we were down; that out of many, we are one; that our destiny will not be written for us, but by us; and that we can cast off our doubts and fears and cynicism because our dream will not be deferred; our future will not be denied; and our time for change has come."

There are qualities of transcendence in this speech: of oneness in the many; of feeling compassion for other souls; of affirming the power to overcome limitations of fear; of seeking clarity to look for goodness and peace.

Obama promises to become the most eloquent and most successful political leader since JFK. Whether he can personally achieve greatness, or even if he can survive without being assassinated, is a real question. But one must give him credit for his audacity and courage. And hope that Krishna decides to empower him further to actually create a more favorable environment for spiritual transformation on this planet.

We anxiously wait and pray for such leaders to emerge in our nations and in our spiritual societies as well. We hope the time for change has come.

Vasant

2008-02-11T08:32:00.000-06:00

Vasant is the first month of Spring in India, and today is Vasant Pancami, the fifth day of Vasant, according to the Indian calendar. It is celebrated as the beginning of Spring. Today in Vrindavan dham, all the Deities in the temples take off Their winter clothing (including gloves and scarfs) and put on bright yellow dresses. It is a beautiful festival. Lord Krishna once told Narada: "What is the meaning of life without festivity?"

I am thinking about this today, trying worship my Giriraj silas in this mood. But without the company of sadhus and without a strong purpose for seva, it is difficult to feel festive.

Today i was also reading some letters Srila Prabhupada wrote to his early disciples in February, 1967. He wrote to Kirtanananda: "I wish that each and every Branch shall keep their independent identity and cooperate keeping the Acarya in the centre. On this principle we can open any number of Branches all over the world. The Ramakrishna mission works on this principle and thus as organization they have done wonderfully."

How this basic instruction has been twisted and abused! This practical order, like so many others, is unrecognizable in today's Iskcon. But this instruction gives us a hint of how to function, even as disenfranchised disciples. We do not need to be passive. We can learn to act as independent identities, according to our individual natures, keeping the Acarya in the centre thru our work. At least we can try to cooperate with Prabhupada as individuals. That will be the best way to overcome our lamentation and create a festive mood in our hearts.

New Moon -- Amavasya

2008-02-06T13:50:00.000-06:00

Tonite is the new moon, the time when the moon becomes dark. In the West, it goes unnoticed, but in India, especially in the holy places, it is an important part of daily life. Living in Vrindavan and Mayapur, i was always conscious of the moon's movements, both on the calendar and in the sky.

To see the moon in one of the holy dhams is a different experience. Difficult to say how, but somehow, the moon, in its different phases, reminded me of the Lord. And the calendar is based on the moon. Much more immediate and visceral than the solar calendar or the Gregorian calendar. Months are measured by the waning and waxing of the moon, and holy days are pegged to the moon's position. Ekadasis are also calculated following the new moon and the full moon.

The moon is full of magic. Lunatic comes from "luna" meaning moon. I guess that includes just about all of us here in this material world. It's a place for lunatics to chill.

But it's also a place to discover one's sanity, if one is fortunate enough to meet a sane and sober saint.

Amavasya, the new moon day, offers a chance for new beginnings. No matter how badly things have gone, or seem to be going, there is always a chance to start over. That is the good part of the material world. There is always an opportunity to redeem oneself, to remember-- "I am a tiny servant of Krishna (aka Allah, Isvara, Jehovah, Khoda, Paramatma, the Supreme Person, Bhagavan)."

The Really Great Are Really Simple

2008-01-31T17:33:00.000-06:00

There is much talk and argument these days about leadership. That talk goes on in the material world under the name of politics. In spiritual circles similar talk goes on in the name of community. But one thing is common to all: when love and affection are present, everyone feels satisfied. And when they are absent, no one is fulfilled.

The special quality of a pure devotee of God is his divine love. This love is not calculated on knowledge or position. It is broad, generous, deep, inclusive, graceful and not self conscious. Although the highest thing, it does not hesitate to mix with the lowest. Rather, it takes pleasure in sharing the highest with the lowest. True greatness and spiritual genius are not affected by self importance. Self forgetfulness is one of the qualities of love.

Although the pure devotee is really great, out of love he appears to be really simple. He is full of mystic power but dressed in plain humility. Feeling love for God and affection and compassion for the living beings, he may not even be aware of his own exalted position. He sees himself as an ordinary person, but his greatness can be observed by how much love he is ready to give. And his love is not mere sentiment. He is able to liberate anyone who approaches him.

On the other side are those who posture and pose as leaders or masters but who are conditioned by power and entitlement. They are motivated not by giving to others but by how much they are recognized as great by others. They see themselves as very important because they are not satisfied within themselves. Since they don't experience divine love, they demand compensation for the role they play. They can’t wait to fly off to the next event for the next reward.

So if you have a choice, who would you follow: someone who puts on a good show at being holy or special, but who wants your praise or your money or your vote, without anything substantial to offer you? Or one who is so heavy (the literal meaning of "guru") that he forgets his own weight and stays with you for as long as it takes to lift you up and free you from your suffering?

The Sound of One Hand Clapping

2008-01-29T20:53:00.000-06:00

Like some of you who read this blog, i usually read Rocana's Sampradaya Sun. I read it to find out the alternative news about Iskcon and the latest controversies. I also enjoy Rocana's opinion articles where he exposes the shallow thinking going on in the devotee world. And of course, the transcendental philosophy that is available on the site. I applaud Rocana's dedication-- both in publishing articles that are free from censorship and for his take on many contemporary issues related to Iskcon and its leaders. I am in agreement with him on most issues.

Where i take exception is when i read articles where an author seems to be writing just to hear the sound of his own voice. The writer may quote Srila Prabhupada or a particular scripture to death, but rather than feel a sense of clarity and freshness after reading the article, as i do when i read Prabhupada's classes or purports or conversations, i feel like i'm being pushed or pulled into a corner of the author's own narrow biases. The message is always exclusive, rather than inclusive. The author's got it and you don't, if you dare disagree.

Never mind that he or she is as conditioned as the next soul. Or that the finer aspects of spiritual subject matter are so profound that they are inconceivable until one becomes self realized. No, the author has a monopoly on understanding the mind and heart of the pure devotee. And they go on for what seems like endless paragraphs to cow us, the reader, into agreement. I find such articles boring, belittling and frankly, useless. Unless, of course, someone enjoys listening to the sound of one hand clapping. No matter how long it goes on, it don't make no sound.

A Dog's Lesson for the GBC

2008-01-28T16:52:00.000-06:00

From Rasananda prabhu, a godbrother from the West who has been living in India for the past 34 years, an instructive anecdote from Valmiki's Ramayana. The words of the anecdote are not his, but are from the Ramayan version at www.mantraonnet.com/ramayan/:

"Every day, Lord Rama would sit in his council hall and ask Lakshman to go outside the gates and see if there was anyone with a grievance. If there was, the person would be brought inside and his wrongs redressed.

One day, a dog was waiting outside. Ramacandra called him in and asked him what he wanted. The dog replied that he had been hit on the head by a brahmin.

Rama asked the council to decide some punishment but the court said that a brahmin could never be punished. So Rama asked the dog to decide on some way to redress his wrongs. The dog insisted that the brahmin should be given an honorable position, appointed to be the spiritual head of a certain monastery.

When questioned about this strange punishment, the dog replied:
"Your majesty, in my previous birth, I held that particular position, and though I was honest and sincere, the post is so full of pitfalls that when I died, I was forced to take this birth, as a dog. Can you imagine the plight of that avaricious man, who has an uncontrollable temper as well?"

An important lesson from a dog for every member of the GBC, or anyone who assumes a position of leadership.

The Art of Compassion

2008-01-26T17:25:00.000-06:00

I have been surprised with the response to my last blog post (A Lila Without the Amrita). I received comments and emails from many godbrothers, friends, devotees and several persons who are unknown to me personally. The article somehow struck a chord.

Most of the comments i received from godbrothers who had similar experiences were not bitter but supportive and even nostalgic. While many are angry at the unjust treatment they witnessed and received, and suffering from lack of association due to the current situation, what most everyone remembers is the transcendental flavor that Iskcon once had. That mood is what attracted all of us in the first place. That oceanic compassion and crystal clear purity that Srila Prabhupada had somehow managed to transcend and find its way around layers of egos and the abusive behavior of leaders. This compassion is what everyone misses.

Today i was reading a letter Srila Prabhupada wrote to Govinda dasi on a website containing all of Prabhupada's correspondence. (See link, "Prabhupada Letters", on the left of this page). Prabhupada wrote this letter on January 26, 1969. Govinda dasi was with her husband, Gaurasundar, at the time, opening a temple in Honolulu. Prabhupada is responding to a point she had made in her letter, and he makes his own point in return, about compassion:

"So far as my taking botheration in coming to your country, I must take this so-called botheration for Krishna. But what botheration I have taken? You know that the Goswamis were ministers in the government's service and they left their posts for going to Vrindaban and living there just like paupers. They produced such great literature like Sandarbhas, by Jiva Goswami, and Bhakti Rasamrita Sindhu, by Rupa Goswami. Apparently they took so much botheration but they preferred to accept it because they were compassionate for the suffering humanity.

Similarly, Lord Caitanya is Narayana Himself, and His wife, Visnupriya, is the Goddess of Fortune. Lord Caitanya was a very learned scholar, a very beautiful young brahmana, and He had a very affectionate mother, but Lord Caitanya Himself accepted the botheration voluntarily for the good of the human society and all living entities.

We should always follow these footprints--not try to imitate, but to follow the same spirit of compassion for the conditioned soul and try to help them advance to Krishna Consciousness. Actually in the service of Krishna there is no botheration. Rather we feel more transcendental pleasure."

If i there is one thing i could say to anyone who is in a position of authority in Iskcon or in any spiritual group, i would make this point. Learn compassion. It is the most essential of all qualities for a jiva who wishes to get the favor of Krishna. To be compassionate and respectful to other vaisnavas, and to all other living beings, is a prerequisite for any devotee who wants to make spiritual advancement. What to speak of for someone who accepts a position of responsibility.

The leaders of ISKCON should not fool themselves. They may fool others into believing that they are advanced, but they cannot fool Krishna. They should realize that to begin to rectify their foolishness and to minimize the reactions due them, they should publicly apologize to all their godbrothers and godsisters. Apologize for 30 years of lies, hypocrisy, misuse and abuse of the prestige and purity given by Prabhupada to ALL of his disciples. Every guru and GBC should personally apologize for their lack of compassion and inclusiveness towards their godbrothers and sisters. This would be a good way to start to heal the terrible divisiveness and faithlessness created by leaders who are supposed to represent Srila Prabhupada's desires, not their own self interest.

Lest they think this is just one estranged voice in wilderness, they should know that thousands of Prabhupada's disciples, the so-called "senior devotees," feel the same way i do. Not only that, this is the instruction of Prabhupada himself. In Sri Isopanisad, one of the first books he translated and commented on after arriving in America, Prabhupada writes:

"As advised in Chapter 13 of Bhagavad-gita (13.8-12), one should culture knowledge in the following way:
1) One should become a perfect gentleman and learn to give proper respect to others.
2) One should not pose himself as a religionist simply for name and fame.
3) One should not become a source of anxiety to others by the actions of his body, by the thoughts of his mind, or by his words.
4) One should learn forbearance even in the face of provocation from others.
5) One should learn to avoid duplicity in his dealings with others."

There are 13 further points Srila Prabhupada lists in his purport to Mantra Ten of Sri Isopanisad. If the leaders of Iskcon seriously wish to repair their credibility and restore faith in the transparency of the movement, they should immediately apologize and begin to practice the art of compassion with their godbrothers and godsisters. Better late than never.

A Lila Without the Amrita

2008-01-23T20:50:00.000-06:00

I hesitate to share this because it is neither transcendental nor tragic. It’s a part of my personal history and the tiniest of footnotes in the story that was Iskcon in the 70’s. I always thought that if i had been gifted to be a novelist, i could have written a classic book based on my experiences in the “good old days.” But this is not where my talent lies. So the reader will need to lower his expectations and forgive my clumsy prose.

This little story is related to my personal encounters with leaders back in the glory days of Iskcon. I met and knew almost all of them, some more, some less. But enough to know, by 1984, that i could no longer keep my personal integrity and remain within Iskcon. That was already 24 years ago, a double yuga of years have passed since. Some of the new leaders like to say that Iskcon has changed, and i agree. But change is not always progress. My impression is that in Iskcon’s case, change is regressive, from a movement flawed by ambitious and sick leaders but which had the pure force of Srila Prabhupada's desire, to a sophisticated institution that has become banal and corrupt. The proof of the pudding, at least in the West, is that the preachers, pujaris and cooks are all imported.

But this is a story about the past. It begins when i first moved into a temple in 1970. It was early winter, in Chicago. That is where i met my first “leader,” Bhagavan das. Even in those days, he rarely used the “das” in the name given to him by Srila Prabhupada. He was always arrogant, but he was also very serious about his role as a leader. He personally drove with me from Chicago to his own temple in Detroit, answering my questions as a new man. At that time the devotees had rented a freezing storefront in Chicago, so Bhagavan took me to Detroit where there was a “real” temple, a heated house filled with incense wafting thru it, transcendental paintings on the walls and Lord Jagannath deities on the altar. It was full of enthusiastic young men and women who were eager to get up at 4 am to chant and engage in austerities. Bhagavan ran it like a boot camp. We had four or five classes per day, with arotiks, prasadam and street sankirtan squeezed in between. We did everything together— like clockwork— from rising to taking rest. Bhagavan participated in most of the activities, except going out on the street. The atmosphere was military-like but transcendental. This was 10 years before the gold plated bathroom fixtures and closets full of cashmere sweaters. Bhagavan was a controller, but a modest one.

It was in Detroit that i shaved my head and decided to give this new philosophy and the path offered by Srila Prabhupada a real try. But the discipline and mood of Bhagavan's was a bit rough on me, so as soon as a chance for a more liberal adventure came by, i took it.

That came in just a few weeks time when Kirtanananda turned up on a brief stopover on his way back from India. He was like a special forces colonel (Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now?) compared to Bhagavan’s role as an upcoming lieutenant on the front lines. Kirtananda had just returned from India, and his reputation as Iskcon’s first sannyasi (at that time there were fewer than 10 sannyasis in the whole movement) preceded him. I asked him if i could go with him to New Vrindavan. He replied that only a handful of brahmacaris were spending the winter there and they had to chisel ice out of their shoes when they got up in the morning. But, i could accompany him to Pittsburg, where he had a city temple he told me. I signed up, and because he outranked Bhagavan, i was on my way to Pittsburg.

I was a little awe-struck by Kirtanananda when we first met. He played the role of the charismatic ascetic so well. He spoke with power and conviction. He had a grasp of the philosophy that i was just starting to know. He seemed genuinely austere and determined, generating that “first disciple” aura. But as soon as we got to Pittsburg, i knew i was in trouble. The temple was in a giant former Polish dance hall. It was filled with toxic fumes from vats of chemical dyes used for dipping incense sticks. It was the home of Spiritual Sky. I guess it was funding Kirtanananda’s work because he seemed to love the smell. After the trip from Detroit to Pittsburg, i had very few personal dealing with K. He was busy, and it was up to me to find some engagement in Pittsburg. He never did anything overtly evil or suspect, but i never felt completely comfortable around him. He always seemed ambitious, on the make. For a long time, i thought that was his desire to serve. Only much later i understood he had his own internal demons he was fighting. And his ambition had a ruthless, even sadistic quality to it.

In Pittsburg, i got involved in acting in some plays that we performed for guests on Sundays. And trying to keep my sanity at nites from what appeared to be a number of ghosts who frequented the temple. Perhaps some long deceased jilted Polish lovers.

Soon i was again feeling restless. My friend, whom i had been living with before he joined Iskcon, Marz (who later became Atreya Rishi), was now living in the New York temple. They had recently moved from Second Avenue to Henry Street in Brooklyn. So New York was my next stop. Bhavananda was TP, or TA, Temple Autocrat. Bhavananda was always surrounded by beautiful young brahmacarinis. We called them the “gopi club.” It had nothing to do with philosophy: the girls just served Bhavananda’s wishes. Everyone thought he was so renounced to engage these pretty young girls without becoming attracted to them. That was 15 years before he was outed as a flaming gay queen. His choice of decor should have tipped us off, but we were really innocent kids at the time.

Bhavananda’s istagostis and classes were exercises in power politics. It was fear, not love that ruled. No one had the courage to raise an objection without inciting his sarcasm or wrath. In class, if you asked a question starting with “I think,” you were told to go into the closet. It was the beginning of cult consciousness. After a few months in New York, i told my friend Marz, that the movement would fail because the leaders i had seen were all egomaniacs. Marz didn’t disagree with me, but he excitedly told me that we could change Iskcon. Within six months, his desire to lead was recognized by some of the others and he was added to the GBC, only to be removed by Srila Prabhupada (who temporarily disbanded the GBC for acting without his approval). Later, Prabhupada requested him to join the newly reactivated GBC.

Marz, who became Atreya Rishi that summer, was a different type of leader. He was more intellectual and professional than the rest. He was a graduate of Harvard Business School and a CPA working for a multinational company. He was also coming from a different cultural background, from Iran. Because we had been friends prior to joining, i had a different relationship with him than with the other leaders. It was closer and i trusted him more. He took a lot of crap from the others; he was seen as a misfit and an oddball. He made alliances with some of them, but in the end, after 15 years of being marginalized as the class clown in the GBC, he left Iskcon, along with his own doubts. To this day, i think he remains traumatized by his experiences with his godbrothers on the GBC.

My next encounter was with Rupanuga, a GBC at that time. We shared a plane ride. I had left the movement just before Srila Prabhupada returned to the US in the summer of 1971. I had Prabhupada's darshan for the first time in Detroit, then i sat directly behind Prabhupada on a plane going to Boston. Rupanuga sat next to me. I had wanted to meet Prabhupada personally, but i could not find the right words to introduce myself on the flight, so i kept quiet, listening to Rupanuga. He was trying to convince me to rejoin Iskcon. His argument was that Iskcon was destined to become a big organization, and i could get in on the ground floor. It was basically a sales pitch to join a corporate start up and work my way up the ladder. As a musician and semi-hippie, i thought his rationale was way off-base. I was thinking, i'm here because of that pure devotee who is sitting in front of me, not because i want to join a company. But his words show that even way back then, in 1971, the leaders were already thinking about power and success, not about love or even about Prabhupada.

I failed to meet Prabhupada personally that summer, but i did send him a tape of a couple of songs about Krishna i recorded, and he wrote me back a short but inspiring letter, to use my artistic abilities to please him and Krishna. I immediately decided to join a group of devotees who were forming in New Vrindavan, in what was to become known as “The Road Show.” Again, that meant to be under the influence of Kirtanananda, but i didn’t mind, since i would be with a group of talented devotees, doing what i enjoyed most: music and theatre.

Rehearsals with the musicians at New Vrindavan went pretty smoothly for a few weeks, until an extremely agitated and pushy brahmacari came to join the band. His name was Harikesa, who later became a Swami and one of the infamous zonal acaryas. His self described style of music was jazz-rock, but in my opinion he was just a terrible musician. Worse, he was a bully, and forced his style on the rest of us. I lasted about 2 months with the “Road Show.” Soon after a letter arrived from India giving me my spiritual name in Hari Nama initiation by Srila Prabhupada, i left Sarasota, Florida where we were rehearsing.

That spring (1972) i went to L.A. It was one of the best organized and largest temples in Iskcon at the time. It had a recording studio and produced a weekly radio show. That was where i met Jayatirtha who was the TP at the time. Jayatirtha was always a gentleman with me. This was a welcome contrast for me. He had a more inclusive style and generally seemed a lot less of a sociopath than the others i had seen. I enjoyed the time i spent in L.A., and the great bonus for me was that Prabhupada spent 4 months there, giving morning Bhagavatam classes that spring and summer. He also gave private darshans in his room in the late mornings, and regularly i was allowed to attend those, and occasionally readings of Krishna Book in his small garden just outside the temple. Looking back, i was foolish to leave L.A. when i did. But i was feeling agitated by all the young brahmacarinis at the time. I went to the Chicago temple and worked with a brilliant artist named Jaya Rama on a newspaper project i named “Easy Journey to Other Planets,” after Prabhupada’s book of the same title.

In the spring of 1973 i left Chicago to return to New York. By then Atreya was making plans to go to Tehran to open the first branch of Iskcon in the Muslim world, and he had asked Prabhupada if he could bring me along. After 6 months of preparations and delays, i left for Iran in September. Tehran was really off the beaten path of Iskcon. There were only 4 of us there at first: Atreya, myself and our 2 wives. We were joined by a young sannyasi, Paribrajakacarya, in 1974. I spent probably the 4 best years of my Iskcon life in Tehran, doing a bit of preaching, selling a few sets of Prabhupada’s Bhagavatams to the Iranian Parliament’s Library, doing street kirtan in the park on Fridays (the Muslim holy day of the week), and best of all, spending 11 days with Srila Prabhupada during his 2 visits to Tehran.

I had to leave Iran twice. Once i left after Prabhupada’s final visit in 1976, to get some career training in the US. I needed to work in Tehran, to maintain my visa, so i left for 18 months. I returned and got a great job as the director of a health club for the elite of Tehran, only to be forced to leave during the revolution against the Shah of Iran in early 1979. I went to London (after spending 24 hours at the Tehran airport trying to get a booking— all flights overbooked, everything on strike, high tension in the air and a possible civil war at any moment). In London i met a Bengali doctor who invited me to go to Calcutta with him. I took him to Mayapur and introduced him to Bhavananda (who was now the King— & Queen— of Iskcon’s World Headquarters) and Jayapataka. This was in the early days of Zonal Acaryaism. The jury was still out as we, the godbrothers were naive and still hopeful that Iskcon would continue with the faith Prabhupada had given us. We were, in retrospect, partially responsible for the inevitable outcome by our ignorance. We were complicit. I certainly was. I needed an engagement. I couldn’t return to Iran. So i asked Rameswar if i could go back to L.A. to become his personal secretary.

He didn’t know me well. I had known him as a super sincere, dedicated brahmacari. Now he was a sannyasi and guru. It was a big mistake for me to work for him. When i got to L.A., I was so emotionally disturbed by what i experienced in his office, i could not eat any solid food for 3 weeks. I lived on buttermilk. Rameswar was a meticulous fault finder. He criticized anyone and everyone. He spent thousands of dollars each month on international phone calls. He had his own private Mercedes which he would use to go to see films. The Godfather was his favorite. He would put on an expensive hair piece and karmi clothes and slip into his Benz at nite. I assumed that watching films was all he did. That’s what the resident president at the time, Dhira Krishna, another sannyasi, told me.

After 4 months of being his secretary, i somehow convinced Sruti Kirti to come from Hawaii and take over for me. But during that period, i met all the Zonals who came over for a big meeting. Jayatirtha, one of my few friends amongst the leaders, had started taking drugs. He was going into “trance” while sitting on the vyasasan. One of the 2 gurus who was still a householder at that time, the other zonals brought him to the meeting in L.A., and confronted him. They told him to take sannyas, or they would out him as an LSD user and remove him as "acarya." The poor guy was attached. He put on saffron. That was the end of his marriage and the end of any chance he had to rectify himself. It was not the end of his taking drugs. He later left Iskcon to start his own apa cult, only to be brutally murdered by one of his own disgruntled disciples.

It was at that meeting i met the rest of the Zonals. Of course i knew Satsvarup from BTG days. He was quiet but restless and dictatorial. Hrdayananda was the most blatantly arrogant, like a gifted child who was completely spoiled. He was also a glutton, stuffing himself with chocolate cake whenever he could. (The zonals always had special cooks and the very best prasadam.) Tamal was there as well. He invited me to go with him on a one week visit to Fiji. I accepted his invitation. We ate very well during that visit. Besides the prasadam, all i remember is him arguing with the local devotees about the exact dimensions that was needed for his vyasasan in the temple in Fiji. Everyone of the zonals was playing a role. None of them showed any transcendental symptoms. Rather they acted like Mafia bosses who sometimes cooperated and sometimes fought with each other.

The next year, i left L.A. to rejoin Atreya in San Francisco. By then, the revolution in Iran had forced him to leave as well. He started a small community in S.F., called the Bhaktivedanta Fellowship. The idea was to create an alternative within Iskcon based not on megalomania but on brahminical standards. We had a brahminical council that met weekly, and while our exchanges were more collegial than in the typical temple, none of us really had any idea of how to interact as brahmins. In addition, all of us were already tired from a decade of mismanagement. I noted that Atreya, who was the leader, wanted to do the right thing, but wasn’t fully committed himself. And neither were any of us. The Fellowship was doomed.

During that time i met Hamsadutta. He was across the Bay in Berkeley. I walked into his room one evening while he was going on about the glories of Hitler. I just sat there listening for about an hour. After that one session, i was afraid of visiting the Berkeley temple again until after he left. My instincts were correct. He was soon busted for shooting up an auto showroom in Berkeley with automatic weapons.

It’s been a long time— 30 plus years — and memories fade. But what i do know is that i don’t think i will see such madness, and such disparity between potential and reality again in this life. That was Iskcon then. What it is now does not attract me. As Rocana has written, not a single leader has invited me, over the past 24 years, for any service or association. On my own, i have spent a bit of time with 1 or 2 leaders of the new Iskcon. They were polite to me. I am addressed as a "senior devotee," which in my opinion only marginalizes me. Iskcon appears to be more polished and saner now than it was 30 years ago. But for me, it's also lost its own heart and soul. That is the heart and soul of Srila Prabhupada.

Signing Off

2007-12-30T09:06:00.000-06:00

As the year 2007 comes to a sudden end, i'm impulsively thinking to sign off and not write more on this blog, at least for awhile. They didn't renew my contract for next year. (That's a joke.)

Seriously, i have enjoyed writing and sharing a bit of my mood and inspiration with myself and with you, dear readers, most of whom are my friends. But i am not feeling enthusiastic at this particular time, and therefore i don't feel i have anything more significant to say for now.

One thing i would like to say in signing off, is how much i appreciate Srila Prabhupada's love for me, which came in the form of his preaching. By removing the false hopes and dreams of materialistic thinkers-- of scientists, politicians and religionists-- from the altar of my intelligence, he gave me the gift of true knowledge. That light of confidential knowledge still remains a wonderful hope on the horizon of my consciousness.

That understanding is just a glimmer of the dazzling effulgence of Krishna, but it is more beautiful and valuable to me than millions and billions of glow worms from the material sky whose illusory tricks can no longer cheat me. So thank you, Srila Prabhupada, for your gift of transcendental light. A gift you gave to me and others with your love and hard work. And thank you, dear readers, for sharing in this matchless gift.

I wish to each of you a new year that brings new realizations, closer connections with saintly persons, and more feelings of love for Sri Krishna in your heart. Somehow the mercy of Patita Pavana shall shine on us. Where there is Godhead, there is no darkness.

all my good wishes,
nava jauvana das

Politics of Assassination

2007-12-27T14:38:00.000-06:00

In my previous blog entry of 25th December, i wrote about the distance between rhetoric and reality when it comes to peace in our world. How songwriters, politicians and popes talk of peace, yet it remains always beyond our reach. And how Srila Prabhupada cited a famous verse in Lord Sri Krishna's Bhagavad-gita (Ch. 5.29) as the "Peace Formula." Without following this formula, he told us, peace shall remain a dream.

Today's breaking news is from Pakistan. Opposition political leader Benazir Bhutto was assassinated at a rally. A suicide terrorist fatally shot her and then blew himself up along with 20 innocent persons. The details and analysis of the assassination you can find on any news site. What is striking to me is how easy it is in this kali yuga to destroy hope. It takes just a few madmen to destroy the hopes of millions.

I'm old enough to remember how hope was crushed when JFK was assassinated. Then a few years later, it was Martin Luther King and Robert Kennedy whose hope giving presence was darkened by assassins' bullets. Then John Lennon, the world's most influential songwriter, was violently killed. Anwar Sadat of Egypt and later, Yitzhak Rabin of Israel, were struck down by their own countrymen. Both leaders courageously tried to move their country away from conflict towards peace, and both paid the price with their lives. Today it was Benazir Bhutto's turn. She had twice been Prime Minister of Pakistan and was a voice against the barbaric Taleban and for the rule of reason.

It seems that the personality of Kali yuga is not disposed towards peace. He appears to sacrifice leaders who represent hope and peace. I guess when sacrifice to God (Sankirtan, the Sacrifice of the Holy Names) is not performed in society, one way that Kali makes the population suffer is by letting madmen and killers sacrifice the public's most hopeful leaders. Mediocre and repressive leaders remain while the politics of assassination kills off the best and the brightest. Kali yuga is tough.

Give Peace A Chance

2007-12-25T18:00:00.000-06:00

From Associated Press, this wire story today:

ROME, December 25- As the faithful marked Christmas Day, political and religious leaders called for peace and reconciliation, and hope flickered in places long plagued by conflict.

In Iraq, Christians made their way past checkpoints on Tuesday to fill Baghdad churches in numbers unthinkable a year ago. And in the West Bank town of Bethlehem, where tradition says Jesus was born, Christians celebrated in an atmosphere of hope raised by the renewal of Israeli-Palestinian peace talks.

For them, and for all those in the "tortured regions" of the world, Pope Benedict XVI prayed that political leaders would find "the wisdom and courage to seek and find humane, just and lasting solutions."

Peace is one of those words that defines Kali yuga by its absence. Conspicuous by its absence. In this age of conflict and cruelty, every day hundreds of human beings are murdered by the urges of passion or hatred. Hundreds of thousands of children die of malnutrition while billions of animals are needlessly slaughtered for the pleasure of human palates. Even the ice glaciers are melting at alarming rates due to uncontrolled greed.

We would all like to see a world that is just and peaceful. But no one knows the formula for peace. Peace is a song by John Lennon. Peace is a slogan by politicians and popes. But the formula for real relief is still a secret.

"The sages, knowing Me as the ultimate purpose of all sacrifices and austerities, the Supreme Lord of all planets and demigods, and the benefactor and well wisher of all living beings, attain peace from the pangs of material miseries." Bhagavad-gita As It Is Chapter 5.29

Paramatma is the final controller of all. He is the super subjective person behind all endeavors and the unprejudiced friend of all beings. Realizing Him with knowledge and satisfying Him with loving service, a person becomes a perfect yogi. When a critical mass of yogis who practice God consciousness arrives, this earth will experience a just and lasting peace. Anything less is no more than a well-meaning song or a religious slogan. True "shanti" is much more than a sticky melody.

Yuletide Greetings

2007-12-24T11:03:00.000-06:00

Yuletide now refers to Christmas, but the word originally comes from Old English or Old Norse. It refers to a pagan festival that lasted for twelve days. Paganism is a polytheistic and hedonistic value system practiced in Northern Europe before Christianity.

It seems everything that goes around, comes around. So the Christians borrowed a pagan holiday to celebrate the birth of Christ (whose actual birthday is unknown). And after one or two millenia of lies, hypocrisy, misuse of power, episodes of intolerance, violence and gross exploitation (e.g. the inquisition, crusades, conquistidors and colonialism, to name just a few) the prevailing mood of this now Christian holiday has again become pagan--in the form of commercial hedonism. Christmas has become the iconic symbol of consumption capitalism. The glorification of "I, me, mine"-- spirit covered by matter, universal love co-opted by global greed. Merry Christmas!

John Griffin 1927-2007

2007-12-20T11:50:00.000-06:00

I just heard that my former father-in-law, John Griffin, passed away in Honolulu a few days ago. John was a gentle and generous man. He had been a journalist and editorial page editor of the largest newspaper in Hawaii. Materially successful but soft spoken, he was liked by many.

He had no particular interest in Krishna consciousness, but no aversion either. When his daughter (Manjari) joined a group of devotees when she was only 16 (in 1969), he told Manjari's mother, Helen, that he admired her for following her convictions. That was more than liberal in those days when "Hare Krishna" was a complete unknown. He also made sure she got vitamins and proper medical care when she was living austerely in the temple as a teenager. Later, he traveled thousands of miles out of his way on a trip to Asia, to see his daughter in Tehran, to make sure she was OK.

I got to know him as a son-in-law, typically not a very comfortable relationship. But he was always relaxed, never making me feel judged or pressured. He seemed to accept my choice of lifestyle, whether it was as an ashramite or entrepreneur. He never imposed his own values or opinions on me, to the point where i was never sure what his own ideas were. We never had any conflicts.

In later years after i left Hawaii, i saw him infrequently. He lived comfortably with his second wife, Susan, in a middle class neighborhood not far from the famous Diamond Head Crater. After he retired he wrote and published a novel. I heard he had an interest in certain new age authors such as Deepak Chopra. Try as she did, Manjari, who has been a resident of Vrindavan for the past 11 years, was never able to convince him to visit the dham. But she would bring Vrindavan with her when she visited Hawaii-- including a Kesava saligram sila named Braj Kishore, 3 Govardhan silas and brass Nitai Gauranga deities. They were all there, along with Tulasi devi, in John's home, at the time of his passing last Sunday evening at the age of 80.

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur mentions that when one becomes a kanista vaisnava (neophyte devotee), 3 generations of his or her relatives are elevated by the mercy of Krishna. When one reaches madhyam vaisnava, 14 generations of ancestors are elevated, and for uttama vaisnavas, so rare in this world, 100 generations receive special mercy.

In the end, all of our conceptions about life, our identity and our place in this world are either buried or burned with our bodies. Only our consciousness and our luck (good and bad karmas) go with us. If we are really lucky, by our practice or by some special grace, we will attract the mercy of the Lord. That mercy, however unseen it is to us, is our real capital. It gives us a visa that allows us to take a birth to associate with a real sadhu, one of the liberated associates of the Lord. That is perfection. Everything-- until that point-- is merely a rehearsal of unlimited scenes of temporary happiness and suffering. It is an endless loop in the theatre of maya.

I hope that Krishna was especially merciful to John. I hope he got his visa and is now somewhere on his way to joining the eternal play, the pastimes of the loving vaisnavas with Krishna, reality, the beautiful.

Incarnation of Sound

2007-12-17T11:30:00.000-06:00

"So in this yuga, this Kali-yuga, incarnation is Lord Caitanya, and the process of worship is this sound vibration. That is mentioned. In every avatara, every incarnation... Just like Lord Buddha. His name is also mentioned. And there will be another incarnation, Kalki. That is also mentioned. So they are mentioned, yugavatara. And saktyavesavatara. Saktyavesavatara.

"All avataras, their mission is to preach the message of God. Avatara has no other business. The message of God. Saktyavesavatara. This Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna, Hare Hare/ Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare, this is also considered saktyavesavatara, the incarnation of sound. Incarnation of sound.

"It is described by Lord Caitanya that kali-kale nama rupe avatara: "In this Kali-yuga, in this age, this incarnation of name -- Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna, Hare Hare -- to give facility to the conditioned soul." They cannot do anything. It is very difficult to perform any other religious rituals. This, the best anywhere, everywhere -- you can chant Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna.

"Namnam akari bahudha nija-sarva-sakti. Sakti, this word is used, sakti. And from sakti, that energy, saktyavesavatara. So this name is also saktyavesavatara."

Srila Prabhupada lecture on Caitanya Caritamrita, 16th Dec. 1966, NY.

Eternal Race of Women

2007-12-14T11:00:00.000-06:00

My meditation today comes from a lecture given by Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur on 25th September, 1925. I read his words in the English book, Prabhupada Saraswati Thakur, published by Mandala Publishing.

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Thakur spoke about women:

"All of you please perceive everything in this world as ingredients for serving Krishna. Everything of this world is actually meant for Krishna's service. Please see the whole race of women as beloved consorts of Krishna, and help them to always engage themselves in the service of Krishna....They are to be enjoyed by Krishna; they are never to be enjoyed by the living entities."

Later in the same lecture, the Thakur mentions that he wants to build a "Visnupriya Palli" (palli means neighborhood and Visnupriya Devi is the wife of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu) in Sridham Mayapur, for women who have been impeded in their devotional practices by bad association. He wanted them to have a place in Mayapur where they could live peacefully near Yogapith (Mahaprabhu's birthplace) and practice devotional service free from exploitation.

Walking down the street today on my way to buy groceries, my meditation as i passed women was to see them as part of "an eternal race" who were meant for Sri Krishna's enjoyment. It is a novel way to process familiar sense impressions. It is not easy to override my conditioned response system. Every man subconsciously looks at women as objects of attraction or aversion. And women are tuned in with a kind of internal radar to pick up any signals of interest. So this exercise (of seeing women as an eternal race belonging to Krishna) is counter-intuitive to the normal dance between the sexes. But that dance is actually a hallucination, a trip. Maya always promises to take you to a mystical, wonderful world. And in the end she brings you mediocrity and misery. Always.

Of course, our Srila Prabhupada also taught us these essential truths: to see that everything belongs to Krishna, and is meant for His service. By his example also, Prabhupada taught us to always respect women, as he respected his own female disciples. He never exploited them in even the slightest way. He offered them protection as brahmacarinis and he also respected them when they married. He rarely engaged his female disciples directly; rather he encouraged them to accept their temple authorities or husbands as spiritual guides. This is in contrast to less advanced gurus who take on a subtle but intimate role in their women disciples' lives. This has become quite popular these days, with some gurus acting as 'surrogate' husbands. That is distasteful and dangerous and disturbing, as it upsets the already difficult balance of household life.

Much worse, however, are those false gurus who grossly exploit their female disciples. Incest between guru and disciple is even more abominable than the ordinary brand of incest. It is beneath all moral codes, what to speak of spiritual etiquette. Amorality of that kind is for animals. Guru is the spiritual father for progressive members of the human race. If he acts like an animal for personal sense gratification, he is not guru at all, but a 'shmuru', a bogus cheater. The Isopanisad says such a rascal is headed for the darkest regions of the universe-- animal or plant life.

For the rest of us who are aspiring to be progressive humans, our responsibility is mostly to ourselves. If we want peace, we must develop the vision to see all women (or men) in this world as expressions and energies of Sri Krishna, meant eventually for His company. They are His creation, His race, meant for Him to maintain and enjoy, eternally.

Maha Vishnu Animation

2007-12-13T10:02:00.000-06:00

A kind of Christmas tree-like animation created by a devotee in Canada, now on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzQWRPlQKUQ

And from the same devotee artist, a tribute to Govinda, sung by George Harrison:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7eFQMakhDE&feature=related

Loitering in Samsara

2007-12-10T06:56:00.000-06:00

"All living entities, they are loitering within this universe in different bodies, in different planets, and from time immemorial, without knowing that he belongs to the kingdom of God, he is the direct son of Krsna and God, that Krsna is the proprietor of everything, and he can enjoy his father's property, and these problems of material conditioned life automatically solved. Just like if you become a rich man, if you can possess millions of dollars, then your poverty is automatically solved. Similarly, if you become Krsna conscious, if you act in that way, then all other problems in the material conditional life -- solved."

From a talk given by His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, 9th December, 1968, in Los Angeles.

Saranagati Walk, Part 2

2007-12-08T06:00:00.000-06:00

All issues are meaningless talk, without walking the Saranagati Walk.

Six transformative steps on my walk:

1. Because i want to obey you, Srila Prabhupada, i will focus on engaging in hearing from you and the previous acharyas, and chanting the names of Hari.

2. Because i want to obey you, Srila Prabhupada, i will fight with my mind which tempts me to engage in actions that are averse to your instructions and cause me to suffer.

3. Because i want to remember you, Srila Prabhupada, i will accept that Sri Krishna is able to protect me from my enemies, within and without.

4. Because i want to remember you, Srila Prabhupada, i will depend on Sri Krishna to maintain me in this life and sustain me forever.

5. Because i wish to please you, Srila Prabhupada, i will cultivate the sense that I belong to Lord Krishna and to you. I will declare my dependence on you as my eternal master in life and in death.

6. Because i wish to please you, Srila Prabhupada, i will remember that despite the voices of my false ego, i am really an atomic spiritual spark of the Lord, meant to be humble in the service of the Lord. My desire is to become saturated with your mood of loving devotion to the Lord.

Saranagati Walk, Part 1

2007-12-07T17:31:00.000-06:00

I came across this description of Saranagati from Sripada B.B.Tirtha Maharaj:
1. anukulyasya sankalpa - Accepting those things that are favorable for pure devotion.
2. pratikulyasya varjanam - Rejecting those things that are averse to pure devotion.
3. raksisyatiti visvasa - Having firm faith that Sri Krishna will protect us under all circumstances—
from inside and outside foes.
4. goptrtve varanam - Accepting Him as the only Sustainer and Maintainer of our real and apparent selves.
5. atma-niksepa - We all belong to Him, i.e. we are of Him.
6. karpanya - We should give up all material egos, we should think that we are a spiritual spark, minutest part of the marginal potency (tatastha-shakti) of the Supreme Lord Sri Krishna, i.e. we should be humbler than the blade of grass.

"A completely surrendered soul has no cause of being worried under any circumstances, under any pressure in this most transitory world. Supreme Lord Sri Krishna protects and sustains always a bonafide surrendered soul. According to our Karma we get congenial and uncongenial environments. Nobody is to be blamed for this."

How can one achieve this state of divine peace in this disturbed world? Only thru obedience to the transparent via medium, servitor supreme, paramahamsa vaisnava guru. However many lifetimes and however many lessons it takes to accept myself as an obedient and receptive student at the lotus feet of Srila Prabhupada, to clear away the Mountains of anarthas in my heart and dry up the Oceans of sinful reactions in my karma, and to fully dedicate my words, mind and body to his divine grace, let that be possible.

All issues are meaningless talk without walking the Saranagati Walk.

Half Empty Half Full

2007-12-06T15:56:00.000-06:00

It’s the old folk wisdom about the optimist and the pessimist, one seeing the glass half full, the other one seeing the same glass half empty. I must admit to being of the half empty perception these days. Our world, despite so much information access, enormous wealth and impressive technology, seems always half empty. There is unity in the universal embrace of greed and power. But polarity is everywhere else: in politics, religion, even amongst vaisnavas (who are supposed to be transcendentalists). Cooperation is only possible with bribery and “Love” is an old Beatles song (now co-opted to advertise SUVs).

You could say i’m cynical and you’d be correct. But wasn’t Prabhupada cynical about the material scientists? He gave them a beating not because he was against science. (He called Krishna consciousness the science of God). He was against cheating. The scientists cheat when they deny a Supreme Intelligence and claim that accidents of matter create consciousness. First of all, they can’t prove it and second, behind their claims are always selfish interests.

I was thinking about George W. Bush, probably the most unpopular president in the last century. What is it about him that makes him appear so incompetent? My conclusion is it’s his hubris combined with a tunnel vision that qualifies him perfectly for the description in the Bhagavatam that Prabhupada loved to quote: sa eva gokarah. Just like a cow or an ass— he’s stubborn, attached to the narrowest and most parochial of interests, a perfectly ignorant, ordinary, selfish man in a position of overwhelming material power and leadership. Total mismatch.

His is the typical hypocrisy of our times: an apparent attachment to religion and lip-deep morality (he says Jesus saved him and prays to God every nite), together with an asuric need to bully, sabre rattle and attack those who don’t conform to his definitions of what is good , godly and American. But then, what can you expect from a Texan cattle rancher who loves meat? We suffer collectively from little demons dressed as leaders.

The Beautiful Devotee, Narahari Sarkar Thakur

2007-12-04T15:53:00.000-06:00

About four miles west of Katwa, in the rural Barddhaman district, is the small Bengali village of Shri Khanda, the birthplace of Narahari Sarakara Thakura. I spent one week there four years ago, for the annual mela that celebrates Sri Narahari Thakur's Tirobhav, his disappearance day, on this Ekadasi of the dark moon.

When i visited Sri Khanda it seemed caught between those golden times of Mahaprabhu's associates and modern times of West Bengal. The temple sevant and leading citizen of Sri Khanda, Nityananda Thakur, is the 18th generation from Narahari Thakur, if i remember correctly. He was 91 years old when i stayed at his home four years ago. He was in charge of the temples and a living descendent of the great mahabhagavatas and associates of Mahaprabhu, Narahari Thakur, his brother Sri Mukunda (the royal physician) and Mukunda's son, Sri Raghunandana Thakur. All three are mentioned in the Caitanya Caritamrita as major branches of Lord Caitanya's tree.

Sri Narahari Thakur was connected with many of Mahaprabhu’s pastimes. Narahari Chakravarti Thakur writes in Bhakti Ratnakara: “Sri Narahari Thakur's glories are wonderful. In Vrindavana he was Madhumati, and his excellences were boundless.” Sri Lochan Das Thakur was a dear disciple of Narahari Thakur. In his Chaitanya Mangala he describes his gurudeva as follows: “Sri Narahari is my Lord. He has taught me transcendental knowledge, and I am under his influence in many other ways. His abundant Krsna-prema saturates his very being; its symptoms are clearly evident in his body. No one can understand the extent of his Krsna-prema. In his former existence in Vrindavana he was known as Madhumati, a dear gopi friend of Sri Radha who was a storehouse of sweetness. That very sakhi friend of Sri Radha appeared in the pastimes of Shri Gauranga during the age of Kali as Narahari, a storehouse of Radha-Krsna prema.”

Bhaktivinoda Thakura mentions Narahari Sarakar in his Gaura-Aroti song: “narahari adi kori chamara dulaya, sanjaya mukunda vasughosh adi gaya.” Narahari Thakur was a great singer as well as a poet. He wrote many poems and songs in connection with the pastimes of Gauranga and Nityananda. He wrote in Bengali and also in Sanskrit. One book of his Sanksrit songs is called Shri Bhajanamrita. A book of songs called Padakalpataru, describing intense separation from Shri Gauranga has also been attributed to him.

In Sri Khanda, there is a special five day festival to remember and glorify Narahari Thakur. Over a thousand pilgrims attend the mela, where Mahaprabhu is carried in procession, and many songs written by Narahari Thakur are sung by a few family members and local devotees who carry on his tradition of sankirtan. I could not follow the meaning, but the expression is very beautiful. I filmed this festival and have many hours of dv footage of the kirtans, processions, darshans and interviews with some of the surviving family members. I would like to make a documentary of this festival which has been annually celebrated since Narahari Thakur's passing. With most of the family descendants now living in Kolkata and disconnected from the bhakti line, and very few devotees left in Sri Khanda, i'm not sure how much longer the tradition will continue.

It is said that Narahari Thakur was the first of the associates to glorify Mahaprabhu directly in poetry and songs. Srila Lochan Dasa Thakura has written, “Before the sankirtan lila of Sri Gauranga began, many different ragas were written by Narahari which sang of Vraja-rasa, glorifying Radha and Krsna. Later he wrote songs of Gauranga Mahaprabhu."

Narahari Thakur was the only devotee who had the adhikara (right) to do Gaura-kirtana in Gaurasundara's presence. Ordinarily, if anyone would praise Mahaprabhu or chant his names in front of Him, Lord Caitanya would block his ears and call out: "Visnu! Visnu!" Narahari, however, enjoyed the special privilege of being allowed to sing about Mahaprabhu in his presence, in a unique and intimate mood, with sweet descriptions of his transcendental beauty.

Sri Narahari's disappearance is on the Krsna ekadasi (the eleventh day of the dark moon) in the month of Agrahayana. That corresponds to today or tomorrow (depending on which continent you are standing). An excellent time to sing one of his songs or remember him in any way.
Sri Narahari Sarkar Thakur ki jaya!

Odd Fellows

2007-12-03T06:10:00.000-06:00

Life is a mess. No matter how you try to get it together. Sooner or later, it falls apart.
If you add "Krishna" and "Gauranga" into that mess, that is success.
So congratulations; to some degree, just by reading those names and sometimes chanting them, you are successful!
But, to become consistent and to become a great soul, you need to preach, to share your good fortune with others.
Kirtaniyah sada Hari. Always remembering and chanting Hari.
Sankirtan.
Sankirtan means to work on the root cause of personal and collective suffering in the world--
the lack of Krishna and Gauranga Consciousness.
That requires some cooperation-- difficult, perhaps impossible, cooperation. Once Prabhupada called Iskcon,
'the international society for odd fellows'.
That describes the entire vaisnava world.
Can't leave them, but can't work with them either.
Odd fellows.

Path of Auspiciousness

2007-11-30T15:27:00.000-06:00

I think most of us first heard that word, 'auspicious,' from Srila Prabhupada. It was in reference to something very favorable, some success on the transcendental path. We used that word quite a lot in the early days, if memory serves me. I don't hear it anymore. Some Indians may use it, as part of their British-raj inspired English. And perhaps it's still part of the cultural vocabulary in Iskcon. But not many of us old-timers can be heard saying it.

Besides coming across it in Prabhupada's books, recently i found the word frequently used in a translation of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta's Bengali conversations. Here are three short excerpts:

"To surrender to the Parama Purusa, Supreme Lord, in both happiness and distress, is the only path of auspiciousness. Krishna will certainly protect us....Our fortune lies in depending on Krishna. Otherwise we will have to suffer misery birth after birth....

"If we follow and serve the spiritual master, who constantly serves Krishna, we will no longer have any problem. There is no way to make our lives auspicious except to follow the Lord's devotees....Those who want actual benefit must serve the spiritual master and the devotees with love and devotion....

"The auspicious desire of the unalloyed devotees is that the jivas not remain in a suffering condition. Let them achieve eternal fortune. To achieve that good fortune, they must take shelter of a bona-fide spiritual master's lotus feet, a devotee who is most dear to Krishna. By taking shelter of such a devotee's feet, they will attain Nandanandana's service. It is important that these people hear Krishna katha from the guru's lotus mouth."

Ajitananda, my friend

2007-11-27T14:49:00.000-06:00

I just read in the Sampradaya Sun that an old friend from California, Ajitananda prabhu, has left this world. Ajitananda did not come across as a complicated person but was always nice. That's not to say that he didn't have his share of problems. Who doesn't?

Ajitananda was a very sincere personality. Not one to stand out in the crowd, or to impress others, he was sweet and simple. We first met in Los Angeles in the 70's. I really don't remember him well from those days. Then we met again in India, about 10 years ago. He had gone there with his wife and only daughter. They were always rather poor, just getting by. Somehow they got the money to spend some time in Vrindavan. Ajitananda loved the holy dham. When his wife and daughter felt it was time to return to L.A., Ajitananda opted to stay. He rented an apartment across from mine. We would run into each other there. He was excited about painting the qualities of Srimati Radharani on a large pink plywood board. When he completed it, he convinced the head pujari at Krishna Balaram Mandir to hang the signboard just to the side of Sri Sri Radha Syamasundara's altar. It listed all of Radhika's qualities. He was very pleased with it. And i believe Radharani was pleased with him.

We never had much to talk about with each other, but Ajitananda would always say something to me both simple and transcendental whenever we met. The last time i saw him was 3 years ago, in Berkeley, California. He was living in a room in a devotee's house. He had separated from his wife. He didn't seem happy, but he didn't complain either. I had heard he had a substance abuse problem, but neither of us mentioned it. Instead, he talked about Srila Prabhupada, how wonderful his qualities were. I listened to him as he told me about a book he was writing describing Prabhupada's 26 qualities as a pure devotee.

He published that book, and the article in the Sun mentioned that he had just completed a 4 part video based on the book. Ajitananda completed the videos just 6 weeks before he died, last week, during Kartik. Although we were not close, i feel sad to think that i will not see him again in this life.

Prabhupada collected many jewel-like souls. They were covered with dust or dirt, but they were jewels underneath, shining with faith and love. Ajitananda is one of them. Ajitananda prabhu ki jai! Srila Prabhupada ki jai!

p.s. the video can be found on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-c5hnc7BcU

And the Answer Is.....

2007-11-26T13:44:00.000-06:00

My last post has solicited several comments, as predicted by a good friend. Most devotees have an opinion on this issue of how and why we came to this material world. Some suggested i could find the answer in Jaiva Dharma. They gave me specific chapters to read. Others gave me papers written by other devotees, quoting Prabhupada or scriptures to support the authors' own preconceived conclusions. There are also dialogues posted on the internet between devotees on this subject. Some are funny, like one devotee who complained: If we are Brahman here to experience suffering as one of the Lord's lilas, why didn't the Lord give us Bliss first?! Another said: If there is NO reason why we came here (as one devotee argued), this is asura vada, a demonic argument, similar to what the material scientists say about the laws of the universe.

Even after reading the relevant chapters in Jaiva Dharma and following the arguments of papers and internet dialogues, i still don't have an answer to my question. One thing that is interesting is that everyone else seems to (have an answer). But from reflecting, reading and replying to some of the devotees' comments, i am not sure anyone except the rare pure devotees really know the answer, and even they are not explicit. I do, however, have a few clues. First, above all, Krishna's role in this affair (of our coming to the material world) must be completely benevolent. Why? Because that's one thing that ALL the mahabhagavatas say.

For example, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Thakur said: "Everything about the Lord is merciful. Whatever He does is for the good of all living entities. Those conditioned souls who consider interference in their sense gratification inauspicious or as example of the Lord's cruelty, understand only one move of the chess game. They do not know what will happen four or five moves later." (translated from Bengali in Amrta Vani)

Sarvabhauma Bhattacarya wrote: "An atomic particle of the mercy of Mother Saci's son is able to purify and deliver the three worlds." (Sri Saci tanayastakam)

Locan das Thakur sang: " At the boat pier of my beloved Lord Gauranga, the ferry is taking everyone-- including the gross ones, the blind and the disturbed ones-- across the material ocean for free." (Ke jabi ke jabi bhai?)

Bhaktivinode Thakur sang: "To deliver you, Sri Krishna Caitanya has appeared in Navadwip. He has already taken so many miserable souls like you out of this material world." (Emona durmati)

So how could the all merciful Lord, who delivers everyone in Kali yuga as Gauranga Mahaprabhu, ever be unkind or sadistic towards the living beings? If He is famous as the deliverer of fallen souls, how could He have been cruel to these same souls by causing their suffering? While nothing is impossible for the Lord, one thing is clear: He always acts with Love towards his parts and parcels. Sometimes this Love takes the form of a blessing or a gift, and sometimes it takes the form of a curse or a lesson. But behind everything He does is Love. That is what the mahajans tell us.

The other clue i have is that i need to accept responsibility for being here, for being covered, for being weak and for being rebellious. If i insist that i am a passive victim of events outside of my experience, then i deny my individuality. Then i am no different than a stone. But I experience emotion, feelings, attraction and repulsion. I am a knower; therefore i must be a person. I may not like my circumstances, but as a person, i must accept that i somehow create my own enjoyment and suffering. This is a hard pill to swallow. But if i am to develop the motivation to surrender, i cannot be a victim. I must accept my free will, which gives me a chance to surrender. In other words, if i screwed up by falsely claiming independence from God, i have a chance, with the help of Srila Prabhupada, the all merciful previous acaryas and the most merciful sara avataras, Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Nityananda Prabhu, to become whole (and holy) again.

One of my favorite verses from scripture, one that i hope to eventually follow:

tat te 'nukampam su samiksamano, bhunjana evatma krtam vipakam
hrd vag vapurbhir vidadhan namas te, jiveta yo mukti pade sa daya bhak

"My dear Lord, one who sincerely waits for Your causeless mercy, while patiently suffering the reactions of his past misdeeds, and offering You his respectful obeisances with his heart, words and body, is surely eligible for liberation, as it becomes his rightful claim." SB 10.14.8