Tonight is my last nite in Chicago. I spent two weeks here, focused on a visit with my father who is now 94. I guess Krishna wanted me to see first hand the desolation of old age. So many times, Srila Prabhupada told us about the anomolies of material life, referring specifically to birth, death, disease and old age. Sometimes i thought, "why is Prabhupada repeating this theme so often?" And we also read in Bhagavad-gita: "Time I am, destroyer of all worlds." When i first read those words in Bhagavad-gita many years ago, i wondered why Krishna chose to speak of himself as a destroyer rather than as a creator. Isn't time a creative force more than a destructive one? It was my sentimental rose-colored vision of reality that wanted this material world to be a perfect place so i could continue to see myself as an enjoyer here. But that vision is gradually maturing, and as it does, i'm seeing reality more clearly. Those rose-colored glasses don't work anymore.
On a cosmic scale, time is a great mystery. It destroys planets and universes in due course, and in our time frame, it destroys a person's energy, his self conceptions and his life span. With my father i have seen first hand how time can unravel a man. Just a few years ago he was driving, playing a violin, trying to enjoy his life like everyone else. Now he sits all day in one chair, speaking to himself, clearly bewildered and lost, although physically he is healthy for his age, and mentally as sharp as a tack. So what is gone? it's the hope, the vitality, the sense of purpose. Old age brings helplessness, weakness and discouragement. It is a rude awakening that nature does not suffer fools easily. It is a complete disillusionment in all noble and worthy pursuits of this world. In short, it is shock.
Old age is the approach of death, the fear of annihilation and the loss of control. It is a punishment for a life without introspection or deep faith in anything sublime. Time is the destroyer. I have seen it firsthand in the person of my father. I pray to Krishna that he is kind to my father and gives him a smooth transition to his next life, hopefully the life of a devotee. This is my sincere prayer for him. And i pray for myself that i can learn something from this life lesson, and from all the efforts Srila Prabhupada made to educate and enlighten me about material life, so i don't repeat the same mistakes, again and again and again.