Please accept my obeisances at your lotus feet. It is with shame that i write this. First, it is impossible for me to glorify you. How can a fly glorify a swan? The best a fly can do is fly away and not disturb a swan. But you are far beyond a swan. As a paramhamsa amongst paramhamsas, you not only tolerate flies such as me, you call them close to you and give them your blessings.
Five years ago when i was in Bombay making my album, Jivatma Express, i went to your Juhu temple on this day to try to glorify you. I spoke briefly from my heart and the devotees appreciated my words. I remember Sridhar Swami, who is no longer with us, getting up from his seat and embracing me after my talk. But early this year, i returned to Juhu temple to stop over for a few days on my way from the US to South India. I attended the morning program, but when i looked at your murti on the vsyasasan, you looked unhappy. When i attempted to go to your quarters on the 5th Floor of the Guest House during visiting hours, i was told your apartment was closed. Later, in Vrindavan at the magnificent temple you built for Krishna Balaram and Radha Shyamasundar, you also looked unhappy on your vyasasan. I could not feel your presence there. And the devotees had lost access to your rooms at Radha Damodar that you said were the hub of the spiritual world on this earth.
How you will rectify what has gone wrong in the movement you founded only you and Krishna know. What i know, when i look at myself, is that i am not following you properly. You gave a tall order. How does a fly follow a swan? I don't expect to be anything other than a fly in this life. But i guess this is the test. To hope against hope to find some way, somehow or other, to follow you and to give you some pleasure. If this becomes my constant meditation, then i will consider my fly life successful.
your fallen and insignificant disciple,
nava jauvana das