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O Lord of Supernatural Strength, today is Your Purnima, Your "Birthday."
You have always been kind to me, the weakest in Your creation. I have never cared enough about You to give up my shadow strengths, the endless thoughts of independent plans, the attachments that preclude Your service. Today, rather than feel the strength to celebrate Your Supernatural Power, I lament.
I lament my distance from Your mercy. I lament my indifference to Your beauty. I lament my ignorance of Your mystical superhuman powers. I lament my spiritual weakness.
You disposed of Romaharsan with a single blade of kusa grass. He was very qualified, learned, elected to sit on the vyasasan by the forest sages. He was exalted a million times more than the rubber-stamped gurus of today's Iskcon. Yet, his arrogance did not inspire him to stand up and receive You upon Your arrival at the meeting. He was fit to be killed by You. Yet, the demon Duryodhana, who gave so much grief to the Pandavas, Your own devotees, you befriended and became his guru. Who can understand You?
You serve Your younger brother, Sri Krishna, in every way: as His best friend, His servant, His guru, and in the form of Ananga Manjari, as an intimate confidant in His conjugal affairs. As His older brother, You taught Him the art of flute playing so He could impress His young gopis, with music so transcendental that it bewildered even Lord Brahma and Lord Siva. No one is more dear to Krishna than You.
You also appeared as the son of Padmavati and elder brother of Mother Saci's son, Nimai. In this avatar, You traded Your supramundane powers for intoxicated bliss. You partnered with Your brother not to rid the world of demons but to deliver them thru the holy names and absolute forgiveness. Jai Nitai!
Lord of Incomparable Strength, I appeal to the transcendental pity in You. Glance at this weak jiva of Yours and remove the dark shadows that eclipse my mind and intelligence. Destroy the Rahu impressions of millions of births in this universe.
You gave benedictions to the flower merchant who garlanded You and Your brother when You entered Mathura to kill the wrestlers. I have nothing to garland You with except this insufficient prayer. Yet I pray that You benedict me also, in one of my coming crores of births, with the spirit of selfless service to You and Your brother, and attachment to Your holy names.
O Ananta Sesa, Sri Halodhar, Rohini nandana, Dauji. Happy Birthday, Lord Balaram!
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6 comments:
This is the best offering to the Lord that I have ever been blessed to share in (since it is public on your Blog).
I began my day by memorizing the verse glorifying Haladhara from Dasavatara Stotra, "vahasi (wearing) vapusi visade (on Your brilliantly pure white body) vasanam (clothes) jalada-abham (blue color like new water-laden clouds) hala hati (blows from Your plow) bhiti (who feels great fear) milita (occoured) yamuna-bham (Yamuna appeared in person).
However, after that nice beginning my day went rapidly downhill and I was unable to either cook a nice offering nor write anything nice nor properly celebrate Your appearance day, o dear Lord Balarama.
So, thank you Navajauvana Prabhu for allowing a cripple minded fool like me to piggy back and share in your ecstatic mood of love. Thus my day was not a complete waste after all!
Well, the truth as you know is, i have no real love. You started your day with bhakti, but my day started out so badly (from my dreams of the previous nite) that i woke up in despair, and this prayer was an attempt to express my pitiful condition. It turned into a glorification of Lord Balaram, which shows just how merciful He is. He can turn an ant's molehill (of praise) into a brilliant white mountain if He so chooses.
Jauvana,
thank you for this beautiful and comprehensive prayer to the most powerful, most lovable and most endearing of all Avadutas. I must confess -- shame on me -- that I wasn’t even aware of the auspicious occasion until I visited your blog.
Every devotees can learn from this. In particular, to address the Lord without reservations, freely, and even cry our heart out. The simple but heartfelt Happy Birthday wish in the end is really, really sweet.
Atma
Hamburg, Daityastan
My Teacher once went through a narrative of many weaknesses I perceived in myself - the tone of my inner self criticism being not unlike a lot of what you have related.
But at the point where one might draw a critical conclusion, his narrative took an unexpected turn, and he said - "No - That's not being evil. That's being a human being."
Human beings have needs, because God made us so. And even the least noble of our needs reflect our higher nature, even if somewhat dimly.
I do not think Love needs be Transcendent to understand and embrace each other, weaknesses and all. But neither can a spirituality that claims to be Transcendent be so if it creates an atmosphere of recriminations and judgement, where love and forgiveness cannot dwell.
Yogananda wrote of spiritual diseases that afflict members of religious communities, and the crushing weight of judging each other, and ourselves has to be one of the worst traps to fall into. I doubt your Guru would want any of you to be beating yourselves up, it does no one any good and shows no real humility to do so either. Better to do a kind deed for someone else, better to light a candle so to speak, act in a positive way.
Not that I can't relate to having "The Old Cosmic Blues again", though.
On the other hand, maybe I'm over reacting.
Sorry about that.
Bill,
When lamentation is self indulgent, then you (and the sources you quoted) are absolutely correct about its negative effects. But when that lamentation is connected to the Transcendent Lord, then it becomes something else, a glorification of the Supreme Bliss, just the opposite of judgement or lamentation. As jivas struggling to reconnect to the Transcendent Source, this lamenting is not judging but a kind of kirtan to glorify the Lord. Anything and everything that is connected to the Names and Pastimes of the Creative Source is healing and purifying for both speaker and hearer. Cosmic Blues in relation to the Supra Cosmic Blue Krishna and Supra Cosmic White Balaram Who are always blissful and full of pleasure is all good at all times.
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