The Day the Sun Went Out

Thirty years ago today was the day the world lost its sun. Sure, according to the scriptures, there are always pure devotees on the earth. And sure, there are hundreds of thousands more devotees in the world now than there were 30 years ago. But for me, that was the day when intelligence, common sense, joy, gracefulness, effulgence and humility left the world. That was the day when many imitation suns rose in the sky of Iskcon. And the day that darkness prevailed.
guru mukha padma-vakya, cittete koriya aikya, ar na koriho asa.
The words of the guru need to be focused in the heart, allowing no other hope or ambition to enter the mind. The hope of seeing the vapu of Srila Prabhupada gave me a chance to hear his words and keep them close to me as my guide. Now, without such hope, it is difficult to focus on those words. On top of that, background noise from imitators, exhibitionists, neophytes and sycophants, makes me cynical and callous to the sweet kirtan of sri guru carana padma.
How will my ears regain their innocence to hear his melodious words again? How will i wash Prabhupada's lotus feet with my tears when my eyes have gone dry? How will my hope rise again now that the sun has gone out and darkness surrounds me?

Commentary on Crisis

A few friends kindly responded to my last entry, seeking to advise, clarify and comfort me. Thanks for your concern.
Here are a few of their comments and mine back to them:
Finding a personal service that pleases the Lord is the key.
We are jivas, and service is our religion.
But service must be focused properly. internally. On the plane of atma, the real self, in relation to paramatma, the Superself.
The guru can never be given up. He is the via medium directing our service to the Superself.
Material reality is nothing but external: serving senses and mind. It is a massive depressing movie including the special effects. Institutions are also external and therefore toxic.
The antidote is internal. Hard work. No glamour.
Prabhupada made it look easy and fun. We screwed up.
We are feeling the effects of a hostile environment.
But God's mercy knows no bounds and he is behind everything.
In other words, there is hope.
Transform an unfavorable situation to a favorable one.
Die to live.
Help a friend.

Crisis of Place

A long pause between entries. I can attribute it to the business of trying to help my relatives in need. But the more honest answer is that i have been having a crisis of purpose. Being relatively healthy, middle aged and without the need to go to work, i'm a victim of having a lot of time but no sense of place in the normal society. Not being a leader or a follower or a sycophant of any existing cult, i also have no place in the counter culture. This makes me a candidate for alienation and depression, both of which diseases i now have. In a larger sense, it is also a crisis of faith. While i don't doubt the absolute nature of the truth or its manifest mercy in the form of Srila Prabhupada, param para and Panca Tattva, i do not have the absolute faith needed to become a blind instrument. Thus i am caught in a profound dilemna, not knowing what to do or where to do it. An embarrassment for someone of my age. Hence, my silence these past few weeks. To my dear friends who read this blog, i can only apologize for such weakness of heart and words. If you have any advice for me, pray tell me.

Second Generation

Tonite i was invited to the vyasa puja of my godbrother, Paramadwaiti Swami, at his temple in Miami. I would normally never attend such an event, but as Paramadwaiti is a personal friend who has been very kind to me, and he's also an outcaste from Iskcon, i felt comfortable attending the celebration. He is in Chile for his birthday observance. A small group of his disciples are here in Miami. I arrived in time for Gaura arotik, worshipping a beautiful Mahaprabhu deity from Bengal, then there was more kirtan, guru puja, puspanjali and the usual verbal glorifications. I also spoke something about my friendship with him. Afterwards we sat around and took a nicely prepared feast of prasadam. Everyone was relaxed and it was comforting to be in the company of devotees. We are now the seniors when devotees gather. We are different because we're older. In my opinion, the first generation of western devotees can claim to have received the mercy of a most extraordinary pure devotee, a special messenger from Krishna. But in all other departments, we have failed miserably. I certainly don't see myself as a good example or role model. But there are a few leaders like Paramadwaiti who do inspire younger devotees. The 2nd generation have less baggage than we do. They are motivated by the hope that they can do something. Most of us have lost that hope, or it's been obfuscated by the mess we made of things. It would be nice to have some of that innocent enthusiasm back, with the benefit of practical experience from living in this world. It would be great if the 1st and 2nd generation could mix together freely and share what each has to offer the other. But again, that's easier said than done. That requires a kind of maturity and vision that does not seem to exist yet in the ranks of the assembled vaisnavas.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Saturday nite my G4 Mac Powerbook started making strange noises. It has always been a quiet machine and never gave me a single problem in the 3 1/2 years since i purchased it. But after making noises as if it were dying, it froze and would not reboot. I tried putting in the original OSX systems disc but it could not read it. I thought my hard drive was finished. Sunday morning i started desperately calling Apple stores. This being America, they were all open on Sunday. But they were all very busy. I could not make an appointment for the "Genius Bar" (a trouble shooting area they have in all their stores) for a few days....unless i became a member of "Pro Care." That meant $99, so i paid it over the phone, and after several more phone calls, got an appointment for the Genius Bar at an Apple store in Ft. Lauderdale, 25 miles from my apartment. Just get in the car, follow the directions, and 45 minutes later, i'm there, going up the escalator into the heart of America, the mall.

I was on time for my appointment at the Galleria Mall, and within 20 minutes, the tech at Apple's Genius Bar, got my laptop working. He diagnosed it, fixed it and rebooted it, all with a little machine that looked like a small external backup drive. So within 15 hours of its crashing, my computer was healthy again. That's efficiency. And it was free (except for the $99 that i think i'm going to get refunded.) My anxiety over, i was free to browse the Apple Store. Amazing machines and monitors these days. So much advanced from 20 years ago, when i first started using Macintosh computers for my advertising agency. Capitalism at its best.

But looking around the store at the people there, both customers and staff, it was a sorry sight. Americans are the most overweight people in the world i think. And one of the most unhappy, despite the show they put on. Many of these people are on prescription drugs, just to get by. And most of the others, are on non-prescription drugs or alcohol. They are working like asses to afford the toys they covet. The mall is where they go to enjoy life. Capitalism at its worst.

The ugly part is when nature strikes at persons who are unprepared for setbacks. That's when the payback comes, in the form of diseases, depression and death. A life devoid of reflection or without connection to the divine is a sad life, regardless of how pretty, how polished or how impressive the outward show is.

Sour Oranges & Sweet Thoughts

Florida so far is one huge, hot, humid, ugly shopping mall. It is a mystery of the asuras' infinite greed, how this place, a former sub-tropical hunting grounds for the Seminole Indians, has been transformed from a natural habitat into a commercial urban sprawl from the southern tip of Florida till only God knows where it ends.

I'm staying for now in a nice apartment in a "transitional" neighborhood in Miami. That means it used to be a lower middle class black residential district, and now it's seedy but gradually being gentrified into a trendy area. But i'm too old for trendy or seedy. I don't feel safe going out at night, and driving anywhere means a traffic jam. Soon i will be moving to someplace about 40 miles outside the city, a suburban middle class heaven (or hell, depending on your perspective).

I have not been keeping up with the Joneses (i mean the Gurus) on the Sampradaya Sun, so no political commentary today. I've just barely been keeping my head above water in this samsara world. There is, of course, no material impediment in this world or any world that is great enough to check the practice of devotion except for one. That one is our own stubborn habitual mind. Best of friends, worst of enemies, the dear mind. To all my friends whose minds are becoming their best friends, due to their continual struggle to direct their senses toward the message of the Lord, my most humble and respectful obeisances.

p.s.

Organizing my things to pack up, i found this quote from Thomas Paine, writing to his compatriots in 1776. He was writing in regards to duty to country, but his words can easily be applied to those of you who are fighting for liberation and bhakti:

"These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he who stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered. Yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives everything its value."

from The American Crisis, by Thomas Paine

Signing Off from the Big Apple

One thought i had today: the most difficult thing to do is to do nothing. We are active by our very essence. A parrot flies, a fish swims, a cow chews. And a man plans, thinks, collects and spends. So doing nothing is against our nature. This is one reason why old age is so difficult. The senses slacken. The body deteriorates. And energy becomes very low. So there is no scope for action. Only thoughts continue unabated. And if the mind has not been trained to take pleasure in transcendence, it gravitates to the memories of an imperfect past, or anticipates the dark fear of an unknown future. This is the curse of old age without cultivation of real knowledge.

My time in New York is almost over. I have been here for 10 weeks. I came on a mission, and that mission has more or less been completed. I have no more reason to remain in New York, although i have become a bit attached. New York City is engaging due to its exceptional ethnic mix. I haven't seen a more diverse group of people anywhere in the world. Of course tourists come from everywhere, but amongst the resident population, there's an amazing diversity of races, religions, cultural backgrounds and ages. Just walking down the street is a variety show of God's human creation. I wouldn't call it "civilization," but it's a fascinating human zoo.

I live alone here; however in the past few days, one fly has become my roommate. He seems to like me, and i like him enough not to try to kill him. We don't communicate much but we tolerate one another.

I'm now preparing for my next stop, Miami. I'll be busy packing for a few days. So my next entry will probably be sometime next week from the Orange State. Wandering from Apples to Oranges on the jivatma express.

Thakur Bhaktivinode, Where Are You?

I woke up this morning, remembering it was the golden appearance day of one of our great predecessor acaryas, Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur. Yes, and i found a biography of his glorious life that i shall read before the day is over. There was also a brief sketch of his life posted in today's Sun that i read. But the chief article in that vaisnava online newspaper that caught my attention was a posting by Rocana of the scandal in Scotland with Balabhadra dasa and the GBC men who covered for him and later (due to his not obeying their conditions) exposed him. It was a depressing article on a subject that has no spiritual value. It only exposes the extreme lack of qualification amongst the current leaders of Iskcon, and frankly, the lack of vision on anyone else's part to create a viable alternative.

From there i went to the mainstream news, where today's big story is about the President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who spoke at Columbia University. He is berated as a mini-Hitler and incarnation of evil by some of the media and especially by the Jewish organizations in the US. But he is also an academic and a smart politician. He spoke about God, science and religion to the students and faculty, complaining that he was insulted (he was) by the University president who introduced him. He explained that in Iranian culture (which is coming from Aryan culture originally, as Prabhupada confirmed when he visited us in Tehran in 1976), one never insults one's guest, even if he is considered an enemy. He made some good points, but as a politician whose record on human rights is terrible, one can be sure that his words do not match his deeds.

So in today's news we had vaisnavas who intimidate others and engage in degraded activities, other vaisnavas who protect their own vested interests as leaders and cover up for the abusers, "if they remain quiet." Then we have a world leader berated for being a dictator, who tells Americans what they don't want to hear: that they aren't the "good guys" and they should stop trying to control the world.

I guess it was not so much different 120 years ago, when Bhaktivinode Thakur was writing and preaching. There were fallen vaisnavas and sahajiyas then too, and colonial imperialists at that time were more brutal than today's leaders. People seemed much more simple then, and in many ways, less sinful, but also much less aware and open to change. And there was no internet to challenge the prevailing lies and half-truths of the established media. Now we have this amazing technology, where i can sit here in New York, typing on my keyboard, and within seconds, anyone with a computer and an internet connection can read my words. Or see video images of any event happening in the world. That could be a powerful force for truth.

The only thing missing are the real devotees, the great acaryas, like Bhaktivinode Thakur and Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Thakur and Srila Prabhupada. Where are those rare souls who have the compassion, the knowledge and the sakti to cut thru this jungle of ignorance and give the message of Caitanya Mahaprabhu with an open heart? Until Krishna inspires such souls to return, or until He empowers new mahatmas or sadhikas, the world will not get any better. And unless it improves, it will decline even further.

We cannot expect miracles. We don't know the plan of the Lord. All we can do, is try to remember those great souls, pray to them, cry in separation from them, and with humility, understanding our limitations, do whatever little we can to follow them. Then at least we will not create any more bad news. And in times like this, no news is good news.

Demigod Worship

Today is one of those rare days when the demigods are merciful to the impious New Yorkers. They give them sun, clear skies and air that is not too hot, too humid or too cold. Today the President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, arrives in New York. Seeing the weather, he may think that Allah is on America's side after all.

Walking down Central Park West on my usual shopping trip, i noticed lots of people taking photos of the Dakota Building that i wrote about in a blog one week ago. I also noticed a vendor selling photos of John Lennon nearby. On my way back, i passed the same intersection and even more people were taking pictures. I knew why, but just for confirmation, i asked a Japanese tourist aiming a digital camera at the building. "Why are you taking photographs here?" I asked in a friendly way. "Dakota here....John Lennon here," came the reply.

It made me think how the natural tendency for human beings is to worship demigods. In the absence of the real deal (Lord Siva, Durga Ma, Kali, Saraswati, Hanuman, Ganesh, Karitkeya), people worship other human beings, who by their fame, become like demigods. If they are dead, all the more convenient to worship them. That's why on the corner of 72nd St. and Central Park West, everyone was snapping pictures of a building that John Lennon lived in 30 years ago.

In spiritual and religious movements also, in the absence of the real deal (self realized devotees and uttama adhikari gurus) the followers feel a need to worship "demigods." In the case of Iskcon, it's the unqualified rubber stamped gurus. Like celebrities on tour to promote their latest film, or corporate execs, they fly from one continent to another. On the Sun the other day, someone published an email sent by one of these gurus to a friend. He was saying how he was going to be one day in Helsinki, one day in Estonia, one day in Latvia, then come back to the US for a week, then go to Fiji, India, then back to Europe. This guru said he was "in bliss." In other words, he had finally achieved celebrity status, and was now a demigod in Iskcon.

This kind of behavior simply gives nutrition to the ritviks who claim there is only one guru for the next 10,000 years. But even the Catholic Church, which practices a kind of ritvik philosophy, has its demigods-- the Saints, Popes and Cardinals. And the Protestants? I guess they've got evangelical preachers and movie stars. All perverted demigod worship, in my opinion.

So the Hindus, with their hodge podge puja of demigods that we thought was 'backward' when we were young, turn out to be more sane than everyone else after all. At least their demigods are real.